Time's Orphan
by Roxie Seine
Summary: After being kidnapped and tortured by a rogue Cardassian, Shondra Howard is deposited onto the crew of the Enterprise. Things happen.
1. Chapter 1

-1Chapter 1

She had no idea it was going to happen, and neither did they. But their advantage was that they knew what was going on, and what had happened; she had a vague idea, but it wasn't her main concern. Her concern was getting home.

In effect, they saved her. Or maybe he had? But no, he was a brutal monster and her drop off point was meant to be just another aspect of her unending torture.

But Dr. Crusher wasn't concerned with any of that right now; she was just concerned with keeping her patient alive.

"Damn it! What did he do to her?" She demanded. Of course no one in Sick Bay was going to answer the question, although they all knew what had been done. He'd tortured her, mercilessly. But then again, the idea of any Cardassian being merciful was laughable in many respects.

"Why would anyone do this?" She continued, hardly managing to contain her seething rage and indignation. "She's a child!"

That question no one could answer.

The girl that lay before them looked to be in her adolescent years and near death, wearing ripped and bloodied clothing akin to something that might be found in a child's history book. "Coward," Beverly muttered.

"Don't worry Doctor," Commander Riker's voice drifted towards her from the doorway, " we'll track him down."

"And do what to him?" She snorted. Then, realizing who had just spoken, her head snapped up and she spun around. "Will! What the hell are you doing here? Get out!"

Taken somewhat aback, as he was only present to get a report and check personally on their unfortunate captive, Will did as ordered and slunk meekly out of the room.

"He knows better than that!" Crusher snapped, dumping her anger for the Cardassian out on Will, as well as her frustration over her patients' medical condition.

Despite the medical advances of the past century, the past decade, and Crusher's formidable medical knowledge and expertise, the patient that lay before the medical crew was beyond help. They had all made their best efforts in repairing as much damage as was possible, but only time would tell if their patient would survive the night.

The only real mercy was that the girl that lay before them, "thanks" to a blow to the head, was unconscious. Her injuries were incredibly severe, and the medical crew had used her unconscious state to their advantage, especially after learning that the girl had so many chemicals in her body, any conventional painkillers, anything on hand, would be useless, and perhaps fatal. They'd managed to repair internal hemorrhaging and broken bones, actions that would have been agonizing for the girl if she were conscious; but there was no guarantee that she would be free from pain when she awoke. In fact, despite their best effort, she'd probably be in agony.

If she wakes up, Crusher corrected herself as she stood staring at the girl. And I'll have to stand here and watch it.

"Doctor Crusher?"

Beverly turned at the familiar sound of Doctor Selar's voice.

"The child won't wake anytime soon," the soft calm Vulcan voice muttered. "Possibly hours. What is the point in staying?. You have exhausted yourself." She took a breath and continued, " And I fear that you are already becoming too attached to her. That is not good, Doctor. You must rest now. I will not allow you to work under such conditions."

Crusher fought back the urge to laugh. The fact that Selar was giving she, the ship's Chief medical officer an order, even with the best of intentions, was more than amusing. Still, under Selar's stern gaze and posture, Crusher wondered just what might happen if she decided to utilize her superior powers and "disobey." However, she really didn't have the guts or the energy to do so. So, secretly very much relieved, Crusher left the room.

As she walked out, she saw Will waiting patiently on the nearest bio-bed.

"Would you like to discuss the situation here, Commander?" She questioned seriously. "In which case, I'd probably have to give you an examination of some sort," she explained. "However, if you'd like, we could go to my office."

"No medical examination required?" He asked, smiling.

Crusher sighed, and it was obvious that she was exhausted both mentally and physically. "Not unless you really want one."

"It's a date." Riker grinned saucily, jumped off of the bed, and extended his arm to Crusher. Laughing she shook her head and walked past him in dismissal.

Once inside, Beverly sank into her chair and wearily closed her eyes. " What's the report?" She asked

" Our sensors were able to identify the ship, as well as extract files and personal information. The ship obviously has technology that we weren't aware of. As you already know, not only were we unable to attach a tractor beam, or contact the perpitrator, but after transporting the girl here, the ship just vanished. We haven't been able to trace it at all. "

Crusher's eyebrows shot up. "How much personal information?"

Riker tried to ignore that Beverly just glossed over (if she'd heard at all) the other information he'd just given.  
"Mostly on the girl. But we've got some on the Cardassian.His name is-"

Crusher waved the last comment away with her hand. " I don't care about him, tell me about the girl."

"Her name's Shondra Howard. She was abducted from Earth around the late 20th century."

"But that's insane!" Crushed objected. "You don't just go into the past like it's some sort of shore leave!" She exclaimed. " And if you're somehow face to face with it, in it, you do not disturb it!" Looking incredulously at Riker she asked, " And he just transported her up? Just like that? What if people saw? How could he do that? And why her?"

Riker shrugged. " I don't know."

Crusher buried her head in her hands. " So what now? What do we do with her now that we've got her? There's no way to take her back."

"No," he agreed, "there's not. And even if there was a way, we'd be-"

"Altering the present and history as we know it," Crusher finished. " We might not even be here, et cetera et cetera et cetera."

Will grinned. "Well, you might not be."

Beverly stared at him. She was far too tired for games. "What, Will? What is it?"

"She's related to you."

Crusher just stared at him. "That's impossible!"

Will raised an eyebrow. "You don't trust your staff to be able to competently perform a DNA test?" When Beverly opened her mouth to respond, he waved his hand to stop her as he continued, "They ran one while you were tending to the more pressing matter of her physical condition. Trying to figure out who she was. The computer was pretty quick to point out that, when looking for a kin relative, well, it was you."

Beverly closed her eyes and put a hand heavily over her lids. "So, what I'm her grandma?"

Due to the late hour, and Beverly's long shift, Will decided to let his joke about her lack of retiscence slide. "She's your great great great aunt or something or other. Not sure how many greats, but I do remember aunt. Your mother's side of the family, I believe."

"Well, isn't that just wonderful?" Beverly scoffed. Too tired to feel much of anything besides tired, and unhappy.

Riker put his hand softly to her shoulder. "Doctor, it gets worse."

Beverly braced herself for the impact and waited.

"We've also, from the computer scans, obtained entries, detailed entries on many of the "experiments" that were performed on Shondra. I thought they might be helpful to you-"

Looking up at him, feeling nauseated, Beverly interrupted in a whisper, "Have Data do it. I don't think I could stomach it. Not after what I've already seen. I've had enough."

"He already looked at them."

Beverly nodded. "Then have him compare that knowledge with all the known medical information available to Star Fleet, and see if we can do anything for her."

Will stood up. It was obvious that from her tone Beverly knew that it was useless. She just didn't have the heart to admit it. For a doctor to know that compared to the situation their skills are nil, he considered, and that all the medical skill at hand are essentially worthless, must be an incredibly heart wrenching realization. And for Beverly, whom he knew from personal experience to take every patient's case to heart, it must be even more so.

"Doctor Crusher?" Nurse Ogawa called.

"Yes?"

Riker paused, and waited.

"I think you'd better take a look at this."

"Where's Selar?"

"She's looking up files. She said you'd want to see this, Doctor."

Concerned Beverly rose to her feet, one hand shoving back a mound of her red hair and headed quickly to the other section of sickbay that had been blocked off specifically for the girl. Shondra, she reminded herself. She stopped in front of Will who was only slightly blocking her path.

"Like some company?"

She looked relieved, but shook her head. " It'd probably be best if you stayed here." She hurried past him, then stopped, seemed to reconsider, and turned around. "Yes, please do accompany me. It might be important and you can keep the other officers more up to date."

Riker knew that was a lie, if anyone were to update the senior officers on a patient's condition, it would be Beverly. Come hell or high water, it would be Beverly. But, he went with her excuse and followed her.

Crusher stepped into the room and hurried to the bio bed. " What's wrong?" She demanded.

Selar moved up to a sensor unit and focused its sensitivity over Shondra. "Look at this please," she instructed.

Beverly gazed at it casually at first, then stared at it in shocked disbelief. Her jaw dropped as she stared at Selar.

"My god!" She exclaimed weakly. " She's pregnant!"

Will's eyes widened in shock, and his mouth would have been gaping, but at the last moment he remembered his rank, and that it wouldn't look good if he showed any degree of surprise. But he certainly felt it.

"As if she didn't have enough problems," Nurse Ogawa mumbled.

Crusher sighed and leaned against the bio bed where the girl lay. "What are we going to do with her? She's near death, her entire way of life has been taken away from her, and now this."

" Doctor;" Selar pointed out, "after all she could die. That would take care of all problems, would it not?"

Riker and Beverly simply stared at her.

"It is a logical solution," she asserted.

Beverly clamped her mouth shut determined not to allow the thoughts in her mind to come spilling out of her mouth. After all, she reminded herself dryly, she is only being logical.

She stared at the bio read out more carefully, refocusing the screen intently on Shondra's reproductive anatomy. "Something's not right," she muttered. She scanned the data and analyzed it and quickly came to the realization, "It's not alive. It's an artificial life form, a mimic, like a micro probe only more so." She stared in disbelief at the screen. "She isn't pregnant at all," she whispered.

"She is Doctor," Selar corrected. "Her body is currently going through all the changes that would normally occur in a pregnant humanoid. The embryo is a very good fake. Her body believes in every sense that it is real, so in that sense it is a real pregnancy."

"Beverly," Will pulled her aside sensing that she was near implosion from the stress, "there is a briefing later to help figure all this out, offer options." He was reaching for straws, and he knew it. Selar was right; the girl could very easily be dead by that time. And most likely, considering the life she'd have to live, it would be merciful. But still, he had to admit that he didn't want her to die.

Beverly nodded numbly. "I'll be there." She glanced back at Selar. " You can handle her for a while?"

"Of course, Doctor."

Crusher nodded. "Good. I'm going to bed."


	2. Chapter 2

-1Chapter 2

"Doctor Crusher?" Captain Picard's voice jerked Beverly out of sleep.

"Yes, Captain?" For a moment she was tempted to address him as Jean-Luc and quip at him for interrupting her sleep, before she realized that he'd addressed her as Doctor Crusher, not Beverly. It was important, and most likely there was more than one person listening. The briefing, she remembered her conversation with Will instantly. That's what he's calling about, she realized.

"There's a briefing in the conference room, Doctor. Your presence would be greatly appreciated."

Sure it would be, she rolled her eyes. For all the good I can do. I can't even give them any good news.

"Of course, Captain," she answered.

She scrambled out of bed, realizing that she was still in her uniform and without hesitation, made her way up to the meeting.

Just before reaching the entry way, Crusher called out, "Crusher to Sickbay."

"Yes," came Nurse Ogawa's voice.

"Is Shondra Howard still alive?"

"Yes, doctor."

"Good." Crusher answered, and broke off comm. That's all I needed to know.

"Have a seat Doctor, Picard motioned to the table.

Feeling slightly miffed that she was the last to be summoned, she took her seat next to Troi. Deanna glanced at Beverly concerned, and Beverly knew that she was picking up on her feelings of anger and helplessness in regard to the girl's situation, but that couldn't be helped.

"Fill me in," she demanded.

"Well," Picard began, "as you know, the Enterprise has obtained record scans of this Cardassian renegade and of Miss Howard. Of his "experiments," Picard spit the word out uneasily, as if his own experience were coming to mind.

And surely they must be, Crusher considered.

"The records let us know, among other things the girl's name, birthdate and age. Where she grew up, how much schooling she's received, her family background etc.

"That's about all the information that we have now," Riker commented. "Although I'm sure that you've things to add."

Looking at the table top Beverly thought, nothing I'd like to talk about, nothing I even want to think about. She raised her head after a moment and answered, " Yes, a bit."

With a sigh, she began. "Miss Howard came in with rib fractures that were quite fresh. Also, a broken arm, very poorly healed, skin lacerations, eye lacerations, burns of varying degrees, and internal hemorrhaging." She rattled off the list with as little emotion as possible, as though she were reading the ingredients for a replicator recipe. She didn't want to think about all that now, it was over. They'd done all they could for her, hadn't they?

Riker cleared his throat lightly.

"Oh, and she's pregnant," she added hastily, slightly embarrassed at the over sight.

"Pregnant?" Deanna gasped.

"Not literally," Crusher added quickly. "It is a simulated 'baby', but in all respects but the most obvious, it results in all physical manifestations of a true pregnancy."

"Well," Picard coughed, "that does change things."

"How?" Riker asked sarcastically, "she's still going to die."

"Will!" Deanna exclaimed, shocked.

Riker shrugged, " That's what Selar said."

"That is not what she said," Beverly corrected hotly, "and you know it!"

"It's close enough."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't make jokes Will," she replied sternly.

He nodded respectfully to her. "I apologize, Doctor."

" Doctor Crusher!" Selar's voice came through comm, along with frantic, agonized screams.

Beverly felt her legs turn to mush and her heart catch in her throat. Oh god, she thought.

"The patient is awake," she continued. "Your assistance would be appreciated."

Again, Crusher had to hold back laughter, but this time it was for an almost sickening understatement. She knew that Selar needed as much help as she could get, and once she arrived on the scene, so would she.

"I'll be right there," she answered and shakily rose to her feet. Fortunately Deanna grabbed her arm to steady her as she did so, or Crusher would have toppled to the floor, all her strength having drained from her body the moment she was summoned.

"Is that her?" Commander Riker asked, referring to the screams that were coming through the comm.

She supressed a shudder and replied, "Yes, I believe so."

"Beverly, I'm going with you," Deanna asserted. " You might need help, the girl too."

Beverly nodded, visibly relieved.

"Doctor, is there anything we can do?" Picard asked, his concern easily showing on his usually stern face.

Beverly kept walking out the door not looking to see if Troi was behind her. She shook her head and called out, " No!"

"Will," Captain Picard muttered, " Go with them."

"Aye sir," he answered as if he'd been planing to do so, and followed after them.

Half way to Sick bay Deanna stopped suddenly, pressing her hands painfully against her temples.

"Deanna, what is it?" Beverly turned her attention immediately to Troi.

"It's her!" She cried. It's her!"

"The girl?"

Deanna nodded vehemently, in obvious pain.

"How can I help?"

"It's her, she's in so much pain!" She paused concentrating silently. After a moment, she sighed in relief, and leaned against the bulkhead, exhausted. "I wish my mother was here," she muttered.

"Is it that bad?"

"It is," she nodded. "It'll take most of my energy to concentrate on her thoughts instead of her pain."

"Well," Beverly considered, "if she's in as much pain as I think she'll be, she won't be able to think of anything but pain."

Deanna stared at her. "I think she will."

Again, Beverly repressed a shudder of fear. I hope I can handle this, she thought.

Entering the room they were greeted by the girl's shrill screams. Beverly was quickly joined by Selar who escorted her over to the bio bed.

"She's under restraints," she explained, "to keep her from hurting herself."

Beverly resisted the urge to run away, and felt only slightly comforted that Deanna was there with her. Selar might be able to take the situation with passiveness, but she sure as hell couldn't.

"Has she said anything?" Crusher had to yell to be heard over the girl's screams, even though she was only a few feet away from Selar.

"No, Doctor." Selar answered. "She's in a great deal of pain."

Oh really? Beverly wanted to ask, I couldn't tell. She felt so useless and helpless she just wanted to cry. Instead, she walked up to the girl, and placed her hand on her forehead, for whatever good it might do. At least she might know that someone cared, that she wasn't still on the Cardassian ship.

"Take off the restraining field!" Deanna cried.

Selar glanced at her, and Beverly barked, " Do it!"

"She hates it!" She continued, near tears.

"All right," Selar answered, "I've deactivated it."

Instantly the girl was writhing in agony. Crusher looked away.

"She'll injure herself," Doctor Selar warned.

"It's better that she have some degree of freedom," Deanna answered. "It was more painful for her being held down."

"Dr. Crusher?"

The three spun around at the sound of Commander Riker's voice.

"Will!" Deanna exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"It isn't very wise for you to be here, Commander Riker." Selar commented.

"Captain Picard ordered me to come."

Selar gave Riker a look that plainly said she didn't think that the Captain was very wise either. "It may not be a good decision," she continued. "You are of no help to the girl. You may in fact cause her added stress."

Deanna shook her head answering with certainty, " No. The two of you arguing that way is what's causing her more stress."

"We are not arguing," Selar insisted.

"She can hear us?" Riker asked.

"Of course she can hear you Will," Beverly exclaimed, "she's not deaf!"

Deanna shook her head violently and waved her hands for silence. "We should leave. We're making her very uncomfortable."

"Why doesn't she just say that then?" Will asked.

"Because she's in too much pain!" Deanna shouted. "Now go! All of you!"

"Not a wise choice, at least myself or Doctor Crusher should stay with the girl."

"No!" Deanna yelled unable to maintain her typical professional demeanor any longer. " I don't care if it's wise or not! She can't do any more harm to herself than has already been inflicted, and it's what she wants! We need to leave NOW!"

Beverly shrugged, grabbed Selar and Will by the arms and escorted them out, Deanna following behind her. She'd learned long ago not to question her friend's intuition.

Deanna collapsed onto the nearest chair and buried her head in her hands, crying. Will went to her side immediately.

"Deanna, talk to me. Tell me what's going on," he whispered.

"I can't!" She sobbed. "She's in so much pain- and, she's just, just so scared and confused! I'm not sure if she knows where she is or what's going on, but she's in pain and she's scared Will." Entirely exhausted, she leaned against him for support and closed her eyes.

Beverly sat down next to her, drained, and said nothing. Doctor Selar however, wasn't ready to sit.

"Doctor, we cannot leave such an unstable patient unsupervised!" She chastised. "In her condition, it is not wise."

Crusher sighed and spun around still seated, to face Selar. "If the patient is in fact going to die, I think we owe her the dignity to live out her last hours as she sees fit!" Her tone was harsh and she knew it. But she also knew that Selar wouldn't directly disobey her, which was what she wanted.

"I agree," Riker noted. "But doctor, just what are the odds of her dying?"

Selar spoke up, "She has a very strong chance of dying, Commander Riker."

Riker felt something in the pit of his stomach drop, and his mouth went dry. Those weren't good odds, odds that even he wouldn't gamble on.

"How long does she have?" Deanna asked, raising her head slightly.

Beverly shook her head, " It could be only a matter of hours." Frustrated at her own inability to save her own patient, she groaned and raked her fingers harshly through her hair. "I just wish there was something we could do! I can't stand letting her go through so much pain!"

"Doctor," Selar broke in gently, " you are not letting her. You have no choice in the matter, no more than any of us do. We can simply wait. There is nothing else for us to do. We did everything that could possibly be done for the girl, that is enough."

Hearing Selar's attempt at comfort did little for Crusher. It doesn't make me feel any better. No matter what I still feel responsible; I am responsible. "It just isn't fair," she sighed.

Hours later, Shondra, exhausted by her pain, eventually had no other choice than to fall asleep. Her body just shut itself down, essentially. Not off, not yet, just down for a while.

"How is she?"

Beverly lifted her head up from the edge of the bio bed, and realized that she'd actually fallen asleep. She saw Jean-Luc standing in front of her, and stood up immediately.

Picard motioned her back to her seat. "It's all right Beverly, I know it's been a long day."

Crusher nodded.

"So," he asked again, "how is she?"

Crusher eyed the bio readout of the bed, and was shocked at the readings. Without disguising the shock in her voice, she replied, " She's better, sir. Amazingly, she's much better than she was earlier."

Picard nodded and gave a small smile. "Must have been the sleep."

Crusher shrugged, "Must have. There was nothing else we could do for her."

"You did enough, more than what most might have," he answered.

"Jean-Luc!" She chastised, "That is not true!"

"Yes, Beverly, it is. Do you realize how risky it was for you to perform surgery on her, to stop her internal hemorrhaging, and healing her broken bones, without so much as an anesthetic? Imagine what would have happened if she'd woken up!" He shook his head confidently, "No, Beverly, most doctors would not have done what you chose to do."

Beverly scowled, even under his praise she felt inadequate. "For all the good it did," she muttered.

"Yes, it did, didn't it?" He answered.

Jean-Luc, it isn't that e-"

"You said yourself she'd improved, didn't you?" Picard interrupted.

"Well, yes, but-"

"But nothing!" He insisted. " You did a hell of a lot for her Beverly, and the fact that she's improved shows that!"

Beverly shrugged and looked at the bio readout. "Well I guess what's important is that she's doing better."

Picard looked at her respectfully but said nothing.

Eyeing him suspiciously she asked, "Jean- Luc, why are you here? I know you don't usually have this concern for most of your crew, other than the senior officers," she looked quickly up at him and added, "no offense. But then why are you here? You certainly can't be concerned about this particular patient! She's a civilian after all, and a child, two things that everyone on board knows you dislike."

Picard looked shocked for a moment, but then realized that all Crusher spoke of was true. He simply thought he'd hid it better than that. Although Beverly wasn't the average crew member, and she knew him better than most, better still than some of his bridge crew.

"Well, contrary to popular belief, Doctor, I am concerned about this patient. She was unceremoniously dropped off by some renegade Cardassian ship, kidnapped not only from the only family she has ever known, but the only life and time she's ever known. "All very good reasons for me to take a personal interest in this patient."

"Ah! I see! You're not truly interested in her welfare, you just want her to be stable enough so that you can question her, correct?" Beverly smiled a confident triumphant smile.

Picard shrugged slightly. "That and find out what she remembers of 20th Century Earth history."


	3. Chapter 3

-1Chapter 3

"Well, I don't know exactly what to do," Counselor Troi confessed seeming rather ashamed of herself to even admit it.

She was seated next to Will Riker in Ten Forward, before either of their shifts started. It was relaxing, and gave her a brighter outlook on the day's work. Which was especially important now, since she was heavily relied upon to help their young passenger cope. The only problem was that Troi wasn't entirely certain how she could help.

"Well who would?" Riker demanded. " No one expects you to have the answer to every emotional problem, just as no one expects Doctor Crusher to have the solution to every medical problem."

Deanna shuddered and replied candidly, " That's the whole point, Will. Neither she nor I know what to do, we're at a loss."

Will shrugged, " Have you ever encountered a situation like this before?" He took a sip of his drink casually and glanced around ten forward. It was times like this he wished Guinan were around, as this was a case where her own time shifting might be of use.

"Well no."

"Has Beverly?"

Deanna sighed, " No, Will!" Her tone took on a sharp edge, whether due to her constant exposure to the girls state or Deanna's own lack of sleep, Will wasn't certain. He let it slide.

"And has anyone in starfleet history ever encountered a situation quite like this one?"

"Well we did, once with those three humans that were in cryonic chambers."

"But they were already dead, and for the most part it was their own choice to travel through time."

"Well then, no I guess Starfleet hasn't," she admitted.

"Then how can you expect to have the answer to something that no one has ever encountered before?" He smiled kindly at her and lifted her chin up with his hand.

" So don't beat yourself up over this, Deanna. It's not worth it. And we're all in this one together, remember?"

She smiled weakly at him. " I suppose you're right Will." She sighed quietly, "But it just isn't that easy. I mean this girl-

"Shondra," he reminded her.

"Shondra," she continued, "she has very intense physical issues and emotional ones. It's not something that can be fixed over night, even if she wants help, and I'm not so sure she does."

"Has she said anything? Spoken to anyone?"

Deanna shook her head. "No one."

He laughed lightly, "Even Captain Picard wants to speak with her; as Beverly mentioned, even though she is a child!"

Deanna grinned, " Well he can change his mind, even if it is only for a little while."

"Mind if I join you?"

Troi and Riker turned around quickly at the sound of Beverly's voice.

" I just need a little break," she explained as Will pulled over a chair for her. "Well, actually I need a huge break, but I can only take a little one."

Deanna smiled and motioned for a server. " Could you bring us a round of coffee?" She asked. " I think we're all going to need it."

As the young man walked away and Beverly slid into her seat, Will spoke.

" I know this hasn't been easy on anyone of us, but we'll get through it."

Beverly shook her head, " We have no other choice." She sighed and continued. "It isn't the end of the universe, but it is a rather touchy situation."

"And what do you suggest we tackle first?"

" What I am doing right now, which is tending to her physical condition. It's still rather precarious, but much more stable than when she first arrived here.

"So I've heard," Will nodded. "Well, that's an improvement at least. It's something to start with. Although," he paused, " I know this sounds morbid, but I can't help thinking that the problems would be solved if she had died." At the shocked looks of his friends he hastily added, " At least that way she wouldn't have to deal with the emotional turmoil that she'll have to now, the separation, homesickness, the readjustment, and painful memories. It would be over by now and we wouldn't be sitting over here agonizing about it."

The server brought over three mugs of coffee and placed them next to the officers. "Thanks," Riker muttered.

Beverly nodded slowly, "I suppose that's one way of looking at it. But now that she's starting to stabilize we're going to have to deal with whatever else occurs. We owe that to her, she's lost everything."

She took a sip of her coffee and gathered her thoughts. Then she turned to Deanna, and gave her a questioning look.

Deanna gazed back at her with eyebrows raised. "And I suppose you want me to tell you how she's feeling? How she's dealing with this difficult transition?" Deanna's tone betrayed frustration and despair as well as more than a hint of fatigue.

Beverly smiled kindly at her friend and replied, " Well, no Deanna, actually I was going to ask if you were planning on drinking your coffee."

She said the words so seriously that Deanna couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, that's something I haven't heard in a while," Riker commented, taking another sip of his own mug. He smiled at her and barely resisted the urge to cover her hand with his own, in comfort.

Deanna smiled, obviously relieved that no one expected too much from her, nothing more than to be herself, and reminding her that she did have friends she could lean against, should she need it.

"Still debating whether to send for your mother?" Will teased.

Deanna nudged him playfully. "No! Well, not yet."

"And I thought we had problems before!" Will laughed. " Lwaxana Troi, on board the Enterprise? I don't know Deanna, it might take us all into a state of incapacity."

"Will!" She protested. She glanced at Beverly imploringly, " Well? Aren't you going to help me with him?"

Beverly lowered her mug of coffee, revealing a grin. "The only suggestion that I can give you, Deanna, is to not bring your mother aboard this ship. Please. We've all got enough to handle right now!"

Deanna gasped. "Well! If I knew my mother was so disliked around here-"

"You wouldn't think of bringing her here again? And you wouldn't have brought her here in the first place?" Riker asked hopefully.

"Oh shut up!" Then she burst out laughing and buried her face in her hands. " I give up," she announced. "I give up!"

The trio had all burst into comfortable laughter when Gerodi walked past and whistled, " Well, it's not gonna be easy, might as well laugh about it while we still can."

The laughter abruptly stopped as all three watched La Forge casually walk out of Ten Forward.

"When did he get in here? Has he been here the whole time? He should have sat here with us!" Will insisted, implying somehow that Geordi's absence was an intentional snub.

"Maybe we intimidate him," Beverly laughed.

Riker smirked at the joke, but turned his attention back to Deanna.

"But seriously Deanna, what is going on with her? What were you able to pick up?"

"Well, she's obviously very frightened. She doesn't know whom to trust. From what I gather she's not entirely sure that we even exist, she thinks it's another one of the Cardassian's mind games.

"He obviously won her trust that way before."

"Yes," Beverly responded grimly, "and look how he's repaid her."

"What else do you know?" Will prodded.

Deanna closed her eyes for a moment, thinking that if either of them ever knew how difficult and taxing it was for her to tune into a person's psyche, while still blocking out potentially damaging emotions as well as the interference of the 1200 or so other crew members on the ship, they would never mention it again. Yet everyone thought it was as simple as calling up a new view screen on a console.

With a slight sigh she answered, "She wants to go home."

"Does she have any concept of exactly where she is? Does she even know she's in outer space?" Will countered.

"She knows she's with a bunch of people she doesn't know, and doesn't trust. There is not a single person that she can lean on or relate to, or can relate to her."

"Couldn't you link with her, telepathically, and somehow let her know that we mean her no harm?" Beverly questioned. "And that we want to help her?"

Deanna shook her head, " That would terrify her." Sudden tears filled her dark eyes and she added, " In sickbay, when the restraining fields were on her-" she choked back a sob, " I could, I could see. what he did to her. I saw what he did to her. It's all she could think about!"

Beverly shrank back in her chair at the thought. How awful, she thought. Sickening. And here I can only imagine and I don't have the strength to do that- she actually had to see it, and, her thoughts drifted back to Jean- Luc, and he actually had to experience it.

"No, Beverly," Deanna interrupted her thoughts, "it wasn't like that. Not at all. What he did to her was," she faltered for breath, " it was much more severe than what happened to Captain Picard. It was sadistic, perverse, abhorrently cruel to the utmost."

Riker stiffened at the mention of the Captain and bristled as the thoughts of rage and helplessness came back to him.

" Don't worry, he'll get what's coming to him," Riker muttered with clearly unbridled rage.

"Will," Deanna gently corrected him, "Remember this man didn't do anything to Captain Picard, so please don't think of taking any of your anger about that incident into this situation."

"No," he shook his head, answering sarcastically, " I wouldn't dream of it."

Deanna and Beverly exchanged knowing glances, and smiled. After a moment Beverly put down her cup of coffee and stood up.

"Well, my little break is well over. I'm sure they're expecting me in Sick Bay."

"Let us know if you need anything," Deanna offered.

"I will," she nodded and turned to leave.

"Beverly," Will called out.

She stopped and turned, waiting.

"Good luck with her. And don't worry, we will find the guy who did this to her, I guarantee it."

Beverly smiled weakly, " Thanks Will."

Back in Sick bay the mood wasn't nearly as light, and few words of joviality or encouragement were offered. I should have stayed in Ten Forward, she thought bitterly.

She tended to the mundane tasks of the day; the usual headaches, muscle aches, broken bones. Nothing too overwhelming, and in her opinion, things that could easily have been taken care of by anyone, and not her.

Damn affability, she thought, if people didn't like me so much I wouldn't have this problem. After a moment she smiled wryly, Beverly what are you talking about? That's ingratitude for you! Most people have to be dragged kicking and screaming into their doctor's office, and you're complaining because your patients come to see you, are attached to you?

She shook her head and admitted to herself what she'd been thinking all day, I'd rather be with Shondra. Whether or not it'd help her, I should be with her. I am the chief medical officer after all, it's my responsibility. That and I'd feel terribly irresponsible if I didn't.

But Beverly knew that she was being kept from her patient for a very good reason; as Selar had pointed out clearly on the first day of her arrival, Beverly had grown too attached to her. So what if she looks exactly as I'd always imagined my own daughter looking- if I'd had one, she corrected herself. But that's no excuse, it doesn't mean that's why I'm so attached to her. She let out a breath in submission, yes it does.

When Crusher inevitably wandered into the secluded room in sickbay that had been designated for Shondra's recovery, no one bothered to stop her. She found Shondra curled up on fetal position; sleeping, she assumed. Beverly approached the bed silently, gazing at the girl tenderly. She doesn't deserve this, she thought, why would anyone do this to her?

Crusher rounded the corner of the bed to check Shondra's bio readings and stopped cold. A pair of intense blue eyes were staring back at her.

Beverly felt her heart stop in her chest. She would have screamed, but she couldn't open her mouth to make a single sound. The girl's intense stare was like looking at a ghost; and for a moment, Beverly wondered if she wasn't. Perhaps Shondra had died during the night and no one had bothered to tell her.

Released from her shock, Beverly tentatively stepped forward, smiling kindly at the girl. I don't want to frighten her, she thought. But as she stepped closer, she saw with heart wrenching clarity, heavy tears flowing from the girl's eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

-1Chap 4

"She's awake."

Crusher's voice floated into the bridge startling everyone there, besides Worf. Everyone else jumped, he just stiffened.

"Who is awake, Doctor?" Picard asked, to cover the fact that her abrupt voice had broken off a rather unprofessional train of thought. Not that having her voice interrupt him was too upsetting.

"Shondra Howard."

Riker was on his feet ready to move into action. Picard smiled, easily disguising a laugh and motioned for him to sit.

"What would you do now, Commander?" He asked with a slight chuckle. "Knock her back into unconsciousness? "

"I should go and see her," Troi offered quietly,."to better judge her mental state.."

"I can tell you that right now,. Crusher answered wryly. .She's miserable..

"What makes you say that?. Picard questioned.

"Because,. she answered, "she's crying..

That silenced the bridge crew for a moment as though they hadn't considered their little refugee as more of a person than a problem and certainly not as a child, until just that moment.

Picard motioned to Troi, "GO counselor, and report back to me. I'll be holding a conference at 1500 hours..

"Yes, sir.. She answered and quickly made her way into the turbolift.

As Troi left the demeanor of the crew seemed to return to normal.

Riker glanced at the Captain his eyebrows raised in question. Picard sighed, straightened his tunic and replied tersely, .Whatever we're going to know, we'll soon know it, Number One..

Riker nodded, although it was clear that he was by no means satisfied by his superior's reply.

Picard scowled and motioned towards his Ready Room. "In my ready room, Commander.. As they walked Picard ordered without looking back, "Mr. Worf, you have the bridge!.

"Aye sir,. come the confident response as the doors closed on them.

"Have a seat."

Riker sat, and was surprised that instead of going to the replicator for Earl Gray tea, Picard sat down as well.

He looked at Riker apologetically and shrugged slightly, "Some things are too uncertain and diverse to be soothed by Earl Gray tea..

"Like a twelve year old girl?.

A smile played at the corners of Picard's eyes as he answered, .she is closer to four hundred, I believe, Mr. Riker..

"Whichever you like, sir.. He smiled.

"Well,. he sighed and extended his hands clasped out onto the desk top. "WE have a rather precarious situation in front of us. Now that we know that the girl will live, the question is, what are we going to do with her?.

"Ah,. Will stopped his question extending his finger toward him. .There is a chance that she still may not live..

Picard looked at him questioningly, and he continued, "She may commit suicide." He shrugged, "I've seen people in easier situations do the same.. He paused for a moment, "And she's lost literally everything. Now she's going to be expected to assimilate completely into a more than foreign society.

The Captain spoke then. "Change doesn't bode well for many of us, imagine what havoc all this is on her.."

Riker nodded, .We may not like it, Beverly won't, but I'd say in all likelihood, she'll kill herself..

"So,. Picard mused, .We have one leaning towards suicide. In fact, if I remember correctly, it was you that offered that she would be dead and would be better off that way at our last meeting, correct?.

Riker nodded sheepishly. Looking rather ashamed of himself, he replied, .I don't wish for her to die, sir. I just see the possibility, the very strong possibility..

.I'd rather not see you place a wager on that one, Commander,. he commented.

Riker nodded in agreement, but said nothing.

Deanna hurried into Sick Bay with the demeanor, Beverly thought of Mrs. Lwaxana Troi. Deanna was worried, hurried, yet very confident in her own abilities, having no doubt that it was she and no one else that should be tending to Shondra now. And, Beverly was certain that no one at this point could tell the counselor otherwise. Not that Beverly would be the one to say so; she was glad to have Deanna there.

As if reading her thoughts, which she probably did, Beverly noted, Deanna glanced up at her and smiled weakly. "Where is she?.

Beverly motioned to a door down the hall. "Same as before,. she announced.

Deanna gave a curt nod and hurried off, without another word. Beverly had scarcely blinked and she saw Troi vanish into Shondra's unit.

For a moment, Crusher considered following her, to be there should a medical emergency occur. But then, with a stab of disappointment, she realized that Deanna would be more able to handle the emotional aspect of this unusual situation than she ever would. Mothering instinct or not, Crusher's own limited insight was no match for Deanna's skilled metal probing expertise.

Troi entered the unit outwardly composed, but inwardly she wasn't as certain. Her mental blocks were up in full force, recalling the painful bombardment she'd received earlier. But, she glanced at the girl, she didn't seem to be in nearly as much pain as she once had. Cautiously lowering her metal guard, the fact was easily confirmed.

Shondra was still awake, but lying on her side, nearly motionless. As Deanna stepped closer, she saw the girl simply staring at the wall, not crying, not gazing at anything in particular, just staring into nothingness. It seemed to Deanna that the girl was trying not to think at all. And, she considered, with the thoughts that were most likely to flow through her brain, it was for the best.

But as Shondra became aware of the counselor's presence, she visibly tensed as if preparing for battle…or a beating. Deanna had to fight against the urge to cry out in anguish echoing the girl's emotions.

"Shondra?. The word echoed through the room, sounding empty. The girl visibly shuddered, wincing at the sound of her own name.

Deanna realized with shock that it was the first time the girl had heard her own name uttered by anyone, anyone at all since her capture. Then the images that flooded Shondra's mind rushed into Deanna's before she had the chance to block them.

He treated her like an animal, she realized, watching unwillingly as brief painful memories replayed themselves juxtaposed on her mind. He didn't even call her by her name, only her species, human, Deanna shuddered. Then without warning, scenes of such grotesque cruelty flashed before her that Deanna crumpled to the floor under their tremendous weight, screaming.

"Make it stop!. She cried.

In an instant, Beverly was at her side, her comforting arms around her.

"Will!. Crusher barked. "Get down here!" Unable to think of any other option, she added, "And get her mother over here now!.

Instantly Will was on his feet, he knew it was Deanna. Then the second request processed. Lwaxana? This must be really bad, he thought. Still without any visible hesitation he hurried to SickBay.

Hurrying down the corridors, he barked out orders to have Lwaxana Troi escorted from Betazed to the Enterprise without delay.

When he reached SickBay he was shocked to see Deanna lying across a bio bed. Beverly was standing over her, looking rather grim.

"What happened?. He demanded.

"She passed out, far too much emotional strain dealing with Shondra alone. Her mother has to be here to help."

Will stepped up to Deanna and softly ran his finger tips over her forehead. "_Imzadi_."

Beverly smiled at the delicate motion and thought again how much the two really did care for each other. Although they were far from a relationship any longer, it was very clear at times like this that they had a strong connection. They might have made a good couple, she thought maybe an excellent husband and wife. But, then she thought, they're so different! She suppressed a laughed and pulled lightly on Will's arm.

"She'll be all right. She's sedated now with a cerebral block, so that her mental capabilities can recover..

As Crusher led him into her office, Will thought regretfully, I'd forgotten how fragile she is, I should have gone with her. He sat down at Beverly's indication, and waited until she too was seated before speaking. "Did she ask for her mother?.

"No,. she shook her head. "She mentioned her mother earlier, and that it might be easier to tap into Shondra's mentality that way. And apparently, if this is any example, I think Deanna will need her. A full Betazoid might better be able, in fact I'm sure would be very able to sort through Shondra's emotions and help her if anyone could."

Will looked as if he'd just eaten some very bad food. "Does it have to be Lwaxana?" He asked her, in the same tone Wesley often used asking if he had to clean his room. And, in turn, Beverly answered his question in the same firm authoritative way she did Wesley.

"Yes, it does. Beverly sighed deeply and looked at him. "Will, if I can't keep this child physically stable, and no one can find a way to help her emotionally… Will we won't just lose Shondra, we may lose Deanna as well. If she doesn't have someone to help her," she added. "She cannot do this on her own." I'd appreciate it if you'd call Lwaxana now."

Will smiled slyly and answered, "I've done more than that. I just wished for a moment you'd say Deanna doesn't need her mother here, so that I could revoke the order."

Beverly leaned forward and look directly at Will. "Lwaxana is her mother, Deanna needs her. And if that is what Deanna needs, I'll accept no substitute."

Will nodded then answered, "Lwaxana will be here tomorrow at 2400 hours..

Beverly looked a bit taken aback but answered calmly. .I'm impressed Will. Well done..

Riker bowed slightly, "Thank you..

Beverly rose from her seat and smiled at Will. .Don't worry, it won't be as bad as you think. Deanna needs her now, just think about that. And,. she added, .she won't be released at least until her mother arrives..

Will stood and nodded. "Aye Doctor,. Then smiling happily he left Sick Bay to care for his other duties.

Beverly continued looking after him long after the Sickbay doors hissed closed. It's surprising, she thought, that he actually has the control to go about his duties, when I know all he's thinking about is staying right here next to Deanna until she wakes up. She walked out of the office to tend to her duties as well, knowing that Will would return long before his shift or hers were over. About lunch time, she guessed.

"Should I increase security perimeters, sir?. Worf asked seriously.

Riker considered it to be more of a joke, but he too could see where and how the Klingon could consider it a security issue. After all, Mrs. Troi often got on one's nerves to the point where you weren't sure what you'd do to shut her up.

Even Captain Picard was surprised to hear of the new passenger they were about to have. Alone in his Ready Room with Commander Riker, he groaned in frustration remembering his last meeting with the woman, which he'd hoped really would be the last.

"I don't think I could handle another meeting with Mrs. Troi. I will not be her bag boy once more! I do not want to hear how I should be running my ship and how many many things I'm doing wrong! What does that woman know about a starship?. He demanded.

Will didn't bother to hold in his laughter as he replied, "Sir, she knows nothing about it. What she does know, however, is how to vex a person in just the right way as to make them wish they were dead-

"Or she was,. he muttered.

"I think she gets some perverse satisfaction out of it,. Will continued. "It's all a game to her. Although this time, I think her mission will be a little more serious..

"I won't be required to meet her as she comes aboard.. The captain turned the question into a statement of fact, reinforcing his view of the Rings of Betazed.

Will shook his head. "NO, I believe since this is strictly a medical order, that Beverly will handle all the greetings. She may even have her transported directly to Sickbay..

"Smart woman. But then that means that Lwaxana will be firing all her ammunition in Beverly's direction..

"She can handle it, sir.. He grinned.

Picard laughed aloud, .I'd like to see that!.

"And, should any altercation between them occur, she'll be furious and blame me, sir, not you..

"Yet another reason to enjoy this encounter, is it not? Well, this mission is getting more and more enjoyable, isn't it?.

Riker grimaced. .If you say so sir.. He was envisioning a Lwaxana Troi pursuing him hotly and demanding why he didn't marry her daughter. Then calling him every name in the book and then some, and demanding that her quarters be updated. He groaned at the thought and being dismissed by Picard, left the Ready Room.

.Feeling better?. Beverly asked, seeing that Deanna was awake.

Deanna nodded slowly and began to rise from the bio bed. .I think so,. she answered.

"Oh.. Beverly stopped the counselor's further movement with a practiced slight of hand, .no you don't.. She carefully directed Deanna back onto the bed in a supine position. .You've been through too much strain. You need to lie still.. She smirked kindly and added, .I have good news, and uh, well, not so good news..

Deanna shot her a concerned glance. "What's the good news?. She asked skeptically as if fully prepared for the good news to be just as good as the bad.

And it was.

"Captain Picard is coming down to question you on just what you saw-"

Deanna visibly shuddered and quickly spoke. .No, Beverly I can't do that. After what I saw, I don't want to relive it, not even by speaking about it. I just want to forget it.. She glanced warily at the doors that housed their young refugee. .Although I doubt that will ever happen.. Seeing Beverly's concerned look, Deanna quickly put on a cheerful smiled and asked, .So that's the good news, what's the not so good news?.

Beverly sighed, obviously weighted down by this information and muttered, "Your mother is going to be onboard the Enterprise..

"She what?. Deanna seemed to lose her bearing for a moment and simply stared at the doctor in shock. "Beverly, why?. She asked the question with true desperation as well as concern. "She'll make my job much more difficult..

"Well, I recalled that comment you made before you saw Shondra for the first time, saying that you wished she was here. And after what happened earlier and knowing that your mother's metal abilities are somewhat stronger than yours, and I put two and two together after you collapsed..

"Ooh,. she groaned putting her hands over her face. .You're going to be sorry Beverly, we all are.. She muttered.

"You need her,. Beverly announced firmly. "And Shondra needs her..

"Deanna has declined the opportunity to make an official report of what she saw in the seclusion unit. Under the circumstances, I don't think it's a bad idea. The less she has to think about it, the better; in my opinion..

Beverly sat at the table in Jean-Luc Picard's quarters, eating dinner with him and discussing the current situation of their refugee at the same time.

"Granted,. Picard answered. "And, her account may not be all that necessary, if the records Data's recovered are at all accurate. I just thought it might be more useful to have a real person's account than an excruciatingly detailed Cardassian report.. He took a bite of his scone, then a sip of red wine before continuing. "The sooner they deem her mentally stable,. he mentally added if she is, "the sooner I can have a little chat with her. And the sooner that woman can get off my ship!.

Beverly laughed aloud. .You mean scare her half to death?. She grinned at him adding, .Sorry Jean-Luc, but you're not exactly known for having a way with children. And, Shondra being a near teenager won't make your proposed discussion any easier..

"Why should it change anything?. He demanded.

Beverly shook her head in dismay. "Jean-Luc, don't you remember being her age? How you reacted to your elders?.

Picard's face remained stern.

Unabashed, Crusher rolled her eyes and continued. ."You won't be the person she'll feel like talking to, none of us will. In a teenager's mind, the last person who knows anything about life is an adult.. She smiled faintly, .She'd be more inclined to voice her opinions to a rock..

"Well,. Picard looked at Beverly evenly, .we'll just have to make sure that rock relays its information to me..


	5. Chapter 5

-1Chapter 5

Lwaxana Troi's arrival was met with no less than anxiety and annoyance and no more than minimal civility.

The instant the Betazoid was aboard the ship she cried out, "I demand to see my daughter this instant! Take me to her now!"

The next instant Deanna suppressed a groan of disappointment as her mother's mind reached out to her.

_"Little one, are you okay? Oh, I'll never forgive myself if something terrible has happened. And it's all that, oh what's his name? Oh, that Will Riker's fault, I know it is! What has he done to you Little One? Tell me!._

_"Mother,._ she responded mentally with obvious annoyance, ._Just wait until you get into Sickbay. Doctor Crusher will explain everything.._

_"No! You will tell me now! What has happened? What have they done to you?. _

_"It's not my place to tell, Mother. You will wait.._

On Doctor Crusher's order, Mrs. Troi was immediately taken to Sick Bay.

"Where is my daughter? I must see her! What have they done to her?.

Unruffled by Mrs.Troi's insistence and her intimidating demeeor, Beverly Crusher stepped in front of the woman, before she had a chance to take more than two running steps into Sickbay.

"Mrs. Troi, I'm glad you're here. Your daughter is fine, for the moment, but she will need your help soon. And she's not the only one..

After explaining the events that led up to Deanna's stay in Sickbay, and leaving out nothing about the crew's knowledge on Shondra, Mrs. Troi, probably for the first time in her life, was speechless.

She stared blankly at Crusher for a few moments, and Beverly wondered if she were somehow trying to tap into the child's mind already or if she were truly stunned.

A moment later a grimace of pain flashed across the woman's face, but just as quickly it faded, and Beverly wondered if she'd been imagining things.

"I will see my daughter now," she stated calmly.

Beverly rose silently and showed Mrs. Troi into a separate room.

"Mother!. Deanna exclaimed and began to rise quickly from the bed.

A wave of her mother's hand however stopped her.

_"Oh my Little One!._ She exclaimed embracing her daughter firmly. _I am so proud of you! Undertaking all this on your own!._ Then shaking her head she released her. . _You should have contacted me first thing! I would have helped you!_ She paused for the briefest of moments, glancing around Sick Bay. ._And this is what's happened. What's become of your help? Tell me, has the Captain spoken to you since this happened? Or what about that Riker? Have either of them inquired about your condition?. She waved the question away and added, .But of course not. They think nothing of the strain that their decisions put you under._. She cupped her daughter's face in her hands. "Look what they've done to you".

"Mother,. Troi spoke aloud, .I chose to do this. And I'm fine, really..

_"Huh!._ Lwaxana scoffed back mentally. ._You chose? Nonsense! They put pressure on you! Maybe not aloud but-._

_"Mother!._ Deanna scolded silently. _"That is not true!._ Her eyes fell upon Beverly who was calmly standing in the corner watching the two. She flashed a quick smile at her and added, "Speak aloud mother..

Mrs. Troi rolled her eyes. _"What we have to say is none of her concern, it doesn't matter to her anyway..  
_  
"Mother!. She frowned deeply, conveying more disapproval with one expression than she had telepathically. .Aloud mother! Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of her. You do have Doctor Crusher to thank for your presence here, you know..

Mrs. Troi sighed. ._Oh, all right Little One,._ she spoke aloud, "if that is your wish..

Deanna smiled happily and embraced her mother once again.

"Let's get down to business,. Captain Picard began briskly. .Deanna and her mother,. he spat the word out quickly, .are going to help stabilize Shondra Howard's condition and convince her that she is in fact safe..

Riker nodded, .They have to correct all the metal damage he did to her, the mind games, etc. From what little Deanna has been able to tell me, he's done considerable damage..

Picard looked concerned. "What little she's been able to tell you?.

Riker glanced out the port window for the briefest of instants deciding how to best explain. "She uh, well it's rather uncomfortable for her to talk about it. What she saw earlier really shook her up..

"Understood,. Picard nodded thoughtfully. "Is she all right?.

"Deanna?. Will nodded, .She's fine now, and Doctor Crusher predicts that a lot of it is due to her mother's presence. Apparently she's shielding Deanna's mind from the uncontrollable images that flood Shondra's..

"Is she doing anything for the girl?.

Picard was obviously eager to get the woman off the ship as soon as possible and the fact that he did not try too hard to hide the fact was amusing. Still, Riker tried to maintain a straight face as he answered, .Very little at this point, until she and Deanna work out a system that can take them both into Shondra's mind. But she is periodically probing the girl's mind, without her knowledge of course..

"How wonderful for her,. Picard muttered.

"I hear that Jean- Luc, loud and clear!". The irritatingly familiar sound of Lwaxana Troi's voice came over the com system.

"What the devil?.

"No,. she laughed lightly, "not quite. But, I don't appreciate you undermining my authority on this. SO I suggest you be quiet and let me do what I was brought here to do..

Picard was seething with rage at such blatant disregard for his authority- on his own ship! That woman is infuriating! He thought, absolutely without a doubt infuriating! Surely that child will benefit none from all of this.

The comm link opened again and Picard barely muffled a groan of resignation before Mrs. Troi's voice was heard again.

"I heard that one too, Jean-Luc. But I will tell you that I have much more important concerns than reading your puny mind, my dear Captain. I have work to do, no more time for these games. After all, I'd rather be on a Klingon ship than on this one. At least they know what honor is and how to show true respect to a deserving person. Good day Captain Picard..

The link hissed closed again and Picard let out a sigh of relief.

"I think this means she'll leave you alone now, sir,. Riker offered.

"Yes, and start bothering you, Number One.. There was a glint of satisfaction in his eyes.

"How's it going?. Beverly asked, taking a seat next to Deanna in the isolation chamber where Shondra was staying.

"Mother says that I am to stay out of this for now, until she needs my help.. She glanced over at Mrs. Troi who was seated silently next to Shondra. Troi's eyes were closed, but there was no way to determine the look on Shondra's face, as she was lying on her side with her back to the crew members. "The last thing I picked up from her as Mother sat down was that she didn't want her sitting there, didn't trust her, and didn't want to be anywhere near her..

"Apparently your mother chose to ignore all that," Beverly commented, a sly smile across her face. The same reaction everyone else has to Mrs. Troi, she thought smugly, smart girl.

"Beverly!. Deanna exclaimed.

Crusher's face reddened as she remembered hastily that although her friend couldn't entirely read her thoughts, Deanna more than got the gist of what she'd been thinking. "Sorry Deanna,. she muttered.

Beverly stood watching Mrs. Troi, who for the first time in Beverly's memory actually seemed genuinely concerned with something other than herself or getting her daughter married. She looked at Shondra with true concern, most likely paired with her own maternal instincts, she realized.

"Just what are the two of you going to do to help?. She whispered.

"We're going to enter her mind,. Deanna answered. Not as thoroughly as we could, but it wouldn't be safe for us to go much further. We're just going to find out as much as we can about the girl, we need to connect with her in some way,. she elaborated, .and then allow her to see that we mean her no harm by acknowledging and hopefully repairing some of the damage that's been done to her mind and neural pathways..

Lwaxana motioned for silence, then quickly glanced at Deanna. "I need you little one,. she announced.

Deanna quickly rose from her seat to join her mother. I hope I can handle this, whatever it is, she thought.

She sat silently by her mother's side. She was tense, her lips pursed as she stared at the girl in anxiety. What if it happens again? I don't know if I can handle that. She shuddered.

_"Little one,._ her mother's mind reached out to her gently, _"never fear. I'm blocking out some of her mental pathways, so that even she doesn't register them. It's the only way we can save her, the memories are overwhelming her..  
_  
She's not the only one, Deanna thought not caring if her mother heard her or not.

She did of course, instantly and grasped for her daughter's hand. _"Darling, it will be nothing like you experienced before. Don't be afraid of it, she's just a little girl, and it's our job to get to know her, help her. She won't even know we're there. She sees us sitting here, and thinks we're strange for it, but she won't suspect anything unusual, even as we're probing her thoughts and mental pathways.. She met her daughter's still hesitant gaze. "Trust me daughter. Here, I'll show you.._

And instantly, Deanna found herself immersed in a land unknown to her. Dark green grass and hills, but no buildings, no dwellings surrounded her at all. Everywhere she looked was either blue sky or green grass.

_"This is her home,._ Lwaxana explained, _"or somewhere near it. She feels safe here. Of course whatever and wherever it was no longer exists, I'm sure.._

Then flashes of people were brought up so quickly that Deanna had no more than a few seconds to process them. Faces came up, school rooms, and the briefest image of Shondra laughing.

Lwaxana smiled, _"she's had a very happy child hood.. _

_"No wonder she doesn't want to remember it then, Mother. If it's all gone now, it would only bring her pain to think of it. But,_ she sighed relying on her vast experience in dealing with crew members' losses; _she will have to deal with that in time.._

_"I have no doubt Little One that you will help her with that when the time comes.. _

Then the instantly recognizable interior of a Cardassian ship was before them. Deanna pulled back instantly afraid of more painful memories. Mrs. Troi physically took hold of her daughter's arm reassuring her. _"It's all right, we're just going to see what she knows now.. _

Lwaxana refocused her attentions and suddenly the interior of Sick Bay came into view. The faces of Beverly, Selar and Nurse Ogawa stood still.

Suddenly Deanna was startled hearing her mother's voice echoing in Shondra's mind.

_"It's all right, child. We're here to help you, don't be afraid of us.._

Shondra visibly tensed and Deanna felt her quickly closing off her mind to them. _"He's done this to her too,._ Lwaxana muttered quickly as she made one last attempt at communication before the girl shut them out completely. _"We won't hurt you like that disgusting lizard did! We need your help to find him so that we can capture him and punish him for what he did to you.._

Deanna gasped in shock as they were pushed out of Shondra's metal state. It was like popping a bubble. Just like that they were out, and back in Sickbay.

_"Mother!._ Deanna admonished horrified, _"You know that was a lie! Punish him? WE wouldn't do that!._

Lwaxana smiled. "Well you might want to change that procedure just this once,. she commented quickly and Deanna could tell how angry she was over what the Cardassian had done to Shondra. "Besides, I had to do something, and look,. she motioned down at Shondra, "it got her attention..

For the briefest of moments just as Deanna focused on the girl, she saw a smile flash across the girls' face. A smile anticipating revenge.


	6. Chapter 6

-1Chapter 6

Shondra Howard hadn't spoken a single word since she'd arrived. Nothing. And while they didn't need her speech to learn who she was, still… they did. It was a problem, and a problem within Deanna's 'department'. So the task fell to her to get the girl to talk.

"Hi Shondra, I'm counselor Troi. I've been in here with you a number of times. I'd like to speak with you about what you've seen around here, and what has happened to you." The same introduction every time.

The first visit had been fruitless.

The problem was that so far Deanna was not succeeding. She'd sit with Shondra, who was still in Sick Bay, and stare at her. Well, she would of course speak with her, but with an unwilling recipient, she was just speaking at her, to her, and soon found herself just staring, and her thoughts wandered. At present, her last conversation with mother still bothered her. Frankly it was more on her mind than continuing to talk to the walls.

"_There's got to be a way to get in touch with her,. Deanna had insisted. "What I saw in there were images of a happy little girl. There's got to be some of that little girl left, we've just got to help her find it."   
"You will," Mrs. Troi assured her, "if anyone can."_

_Her mother had boarded the first shuttle craft she could find and headed back to Betazed at a breakneck pace. "I don't want to be around this vile area any longer, she'd told Deanna. No one appreciates a Betazed dignitary here. Can you imagine? I'm going home where people show the proper respect and reverence. Good luck with the girl little one, she is much improved. I trust you're more than capable of handling the rest." _

Much improved? Deanna mused over she and her mother's conversation. To anyone but the two of them, Shondra Howard, although physically on the road to recovery, was in the same condition as before. Only she and Deanna knew that what Shondra had been seeing on the Enterprise, she'd assumed was all a computer generated hologram, or a mental illusion generated by her Cardassian captor.

Deanna looked out the window and sighed. She couldn't just sit there silently. After all, what if someone came in? Then she looked down at Shondra, who was still lying motionless, but for her ribcage expanding and contracting.

"Okay, she whispered, "maybe I'll just talk." _For whatever good it will do…_

"The day you came here I was in a debate with Data about whether or not a star that goes supernova makes a sound if no one is around to hear it. I was trying to be witty, and make a larger analogy than the 'if a tree falls and no one's around'. Then Data reminded me that because space has no atmosphere it is generally accepted that there can be no sound, as sound needs a medium to travel through. That was embarrassing."

She glanced at the girl. Nothing. Still nothing. But she knew she was being heard. And she understood. Shondra was trying very hard to make white noise in her head so that she didn't hear Troi. Which meant, she did. It was the mental equivalent of covering your ears and just as inadequate.

There had been some discussion about the possibility of the girl being insane. Or having severe emotional problems due to the need to cope with her new surroundings and circumstances aboard the Cardassian ship. Troi could easily determine that even without speech, the girl's mind was still sound. In fact, probably better than sound. The fact that she'd been able to endure physical, psychological torture, isolation and kidnapping said volumes. Yet she was still silent. Unwilling to open up. The only concrete emotions Deanna'd been able to pick up with any consistency were anger, and loneliness.

"But then why do you refuse to talk?" She begged her. "We only want to help you."

As to that end, the girl seemed to have another tactic in her defense. She had figured out that Deanna was the only one that knew to a degree, what she was thinking. So, whenever Troi was around and Shondra apparently wanted to be left alone, she would start thinking about what the Cardassian had done to her. In a detached manner so that she was fully able to access all the gruesome details and emotions continually, without feeling any of the emotions herself, until Deanna was so ill at ease that she had to leave the room. In a manner of speaking, the girl was silently pushing Troi's buttons, taking full advantage of her mental abilities.

"Where's my mom?"

Deanna snapped out of her admitted moping, and shook her head hard, and stared at the girl. Before she could question whether she'd been imagining it or not, she slapped her communicator. "Troi to Crusher."

"Crusher here."

"Would you come in here please?"

She'd wanted to summon Beverly urgently, but was afraid that such an action would only worry the girl.

Instead of answering, Beverly walked in the entryway.

"Yes, Deanna, what is it?"

And for the first time Deanna felt something akin to insistence on the part of Miss Howard.

"She wants to know, she asked, where her mother is."

THE girl stared at Troi in confusion. "Isn't she here?. She asked, her voice barely above a crackling whisper. "Don't you have her too?"

Crusher pursed her lips; this wasn't the question she'd been expecting. Where am I? What am I doing here? Those types of questions, she'd expected, but not this.

Beverly's heart ached for the girl. Then with shock she asked quickly, "Was your mother with you?" If there had been more than one captive aboard that ship Captain Picard needed to be informed as soon as possible, like now!

Tears formed in Shondra's eyes. "She was,. she began slowly, "and then, I- well and then she was gone. Everything was gone..

"Was there anyone else with you on that ship?".

Deanna quickly closed her eyes and probed into Shondra's memory. Then she shook her head slightly at Beverly. "He made her think she was there," she whispered. "She used the girl's mother as-"

"Bait." Beverly muttered, her mouth a grim line. Deanna felt personal hatred well up inside of her friend, and remembered that for a time, she'd been used in the same way.

Shondra's confusion was apparent. "Ship?" Her voice cracked, horse. Beverly realized that the girl probably hadn't spoken in ages.

Beverly smiled with some effort and added, ."Before you came here, was there anyone else with you before?

A pained expression came over the girl's gentle face and she winced, visibly closing herself down.

Beverly sighed in despair. If this is the last time she talks, it's all my fault. I've lost her. Deanna wasn't discouraged however, and quickly contacted Will to share the news.

"That's fantastic! The captain will love this!. Will exclaimed enthusiastically. "When can we see her?.

Beverly and Deanna were seated in her office speaking with Will at her office terminal. Beverly shook her head. "Will you don't understand. I asked the wrong question and it upset her. What if she doesn't speak again to anyone?.

Will didn't seem upset, in fact he seemed more confident than ever. Overly confident, she thought for a man who'd been assuming the girl's death was eminent.

Crusher frowned. "Will! This is important! We have to keep her talking if we're to find out anything at all about her! We can't lose her now, it's too important!.

Will nodded casually and Beverly detected a hint of amusement in his eyes. He thinks this is funny! She realized. Well, let him deal with it then! Her eyes narrowed as she added, "Well Will if you think this is so simple, why don't you try to talk to her?.

Riker shrugged good-naturedly and stood up. "If that's what you want..

Beverly opened her mouth to protest, she certainly hadn't expected him to take her up on the offer, but shut it again. If Will has the confidence that he can do this, he'll let nothing deter him. Let him try.

Moments later Riker strode into Sick Bay and summoned Captain Picard on his comm badge. "Captain,. he announced, ."Our captive speaks. I'm going to try and speak with her now sir, and see if she'll answer any questions..

"Good, Number One. Excellent..

"Be careful,. Deanna's voice warned. .Be very careful Will. One wrong word and she could fall into a depression of some sort, anything could happen..

"Acknowledged Counselor..

"And she's not our captive!" Beverly cried after him.

Deanna shook her head. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into Will, she thought.

Will stood next to Shondra's bed and waited.

He was certain that he alone could crack Shondra, as though she were a criminal or a computer code. With some disappointment he realized that he knew almost nothing about this girl, and that she knew nothing at all about him. She had no reason to speak to him at all. He frowned. Well I've got to do something, he thought. I can't just sit here. I told Captain Picard that I'd question her, and that's what I'm going to do. I've got to.

"HI Shondra,. he began, "I'm Will Riker. I'm First Officer aboard the Enterprise-. he stopped himself there. She doesn't even know she's in space! He reminded himself. She doesn't know what a starship is, what the Federation is; none of it matters to her.

"Well, I'd like to ask you some questions, learn how you came to be here..

He paused, waiting for some indication for him to continue. She wasn't even looking at him. She was lying on her side, her back facing him. He wouldn't sit directly in front of her, as he considered that to be rude. If she wanted to talk to him, she'd turn around to do it. He was sure that she was awake, Crusher had confirmed that much. So, she was at least listening.

"DO you know where you are?. He asked. "Can you tell me what happened to you?.

Shondra made no sound, no motion to indicate that she understood or even heard what he was saying. He scowled. She could at least say something!

"DO you feel like talking, Shondra? Can you talk to me? Whatever you say is in confidence of course, you don't have to worry that I'll tell someone else about this. And of course,. he added, .we're not going to hurt you. We want to help you..

Still no response from Shondra.

I've had enough of this, Riker thought angrily. This is pointless. HE stood and began to leave without another word.

"You're arrogant."

The raspy proclamation indicated that Shondra spoke. Riker stood still.

"You're over -confident, and think you're superior. I have no reason to trust you and even less reason to speak to you. Unless you can produce my mother, I have nothing to say to you. To any of you..

Riker was amazed and for a moment simply stood there in shock. Then he soon realized that standing there would do him no good so he hastily made his way to the door.

Beverly saw Riker immerge from the seclusion chamber and fought back laughter. Looks like he got what's coming to him, she thought.

"So?"

"She wouldn't even turn around to look at me!"

Beverly looked at him quizzically. "Turn around? Where were you sitting?"

"Standing. I was standing behind her."

"Behind her?!"

Will raised his hands. "If she wanted to talk to me, she could have just turned over, turned around, and talked. I didn't want to be rude and get in her face."

Beverly looked toward the ceiling, shaking her head. "Will, she couldn't turn around to look at you because _she's still in too much pain to do so!_"

Shock registered on the First Officer's face.

Beverly walked away shaking her head and muttering angrily under her breath.


	7. Chapter 7

-1Chapter 7

"Are you ready?" Nurse Ogawa smiled at her, eyebrows raised in questioning expectation.

Shondra bit her lip and sighed aloud, glancing at the length of floor. "I hope so," she answered frankly. She sighed loudly and pushed a thick clump of red-blonde hair behind her ear.

"All right," Ogawa took that as enthusiasm apparently, grasped her by the elbow and arm, helping her to turn to the side of the bed.

"Ah!" She cried out in pain at the movement and threw an arm across her lower abdomen. "Ooh," she moaned, looking up at Ogawa, "I don't think this is a good idea."

Alyssa sighed. "It is. Even if it doesn't feel all that great, it's really important to get you up and moving around."

Shondra shook her head and bit her lip. "My body's still not ready to move around yet. Why don't we just keep on doing those muscle exercises?"

The nurse looked at her semi-sternly. "We could do those forever, Shondra, but you'd still be in bed. Come on," she urged firmly, "you can do this."

Letting out an apprehensive sigh, Shondra leaned on Nurse Ogawa's arm, and placed her free hand beside her on the bed, ready to half push half jump to standing. I hope this doesn't hurt too much..

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and slid off the bed. She landed with an oof, dug her fingers into Ogawa's arm and crossed her legs tightly.  
"Ow!!" She moaned. Then she shook her head vehemently. "This hurts, and I haven't taken a step yet."

Just then the doors whooshed open and Dr. Crusher walked in.

"Alyssa!"

"Just in time, Doctor. We were just starting the first exercise."

"Which I think we're now done with," Shondra emphasized.

Beverly stared at her. Legs crossed tightly like a child that has to pee. Arm across her hips. Beverly closed her eyes at her lack of reticence. Numerous rather violent rapes, one recent. Well, she still needed to walk, even if it was still painful. It was more than the physical aspect of it. Both she and Deanna were worried about the depression the child could fall into if she remained sedentary.

She smiled kindly at Shondra. "I know it's not going to be comfortable at first, but pretty soon you'll get used to it, and you won't be so sore."

Shondra gave her a look that indicated she thought the doctor was understating the case.

"Here," Beverly moved forward to take Shondra's other arm. "Let's try and walk to the end of the biobed."

Shondra rolled her eyes and sighed again, but resigned herself to obeying.

After only a handful of minutes, the girl was exhausted. Alyssa and Crusher led her back to the biobed.

"We'll be here to do this everyday until you feel comfortable enough to do it solo, " Alyssa told her. "Which shouldn't be long. You did really well."

Shondra scoffed. "Yeah, well, like a two year does well."

"Don't beat yourself up about this," Beverly warned. "You have done very well. Especially for a young lady with as many numerous injuries as you've had."

Miss Howard sighed and lay back on the bed. Then she nodded. "Whenever you want," she answered, then yawned, clearly indicating a need for sleep.

Beverly checked the girl's vitals, and being satisfied, she and Alyssa left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

-1Chapter 8

"The question is, Doctor, now that we know she's significantly improved- physically that is- what do we do with her?"

The senior officers were all gathered around the conference table. The muted colors of the room indicated the time of day, or rather evening. Picard didn't usually hold meetings at such a late hour, but Crusher guessed that it somehow had to do with Will's talk with the girl. Shondra, she reminded herself.

"We'll have to get her quarters," Riker added.

"And somehow try to get her back to earth, find the first ship that's headed in that direction-"

"And just ship her away?" Deanna asked horrified. "We can't just push her off on someone else Worf. That would be abandoning her! Right now, we're the closest thing she's got to family."

"What about school?" LaForge asked. "If she's going to be stuck in this century she's going to have to learn what we know, get used to a new culture."

Riker grimaced as if he'd eaten something bad. "School?" He scoffed. " I hardly think that with all she's been through school is the first thing on her mind. Personally, I think she'd have to be taken kicking and screaming into a school, now that she has no parents to force her to go." He glanced at Geordi again and asked, " You haven't' forgotten that, have you? She isn't exactly going to see any of us as being authority figures. If my parents weren't around, at her age, I'd be-" he paused, "well, I'd be having a lot more fun than usual." He smiled at the thought but the smile vanished when he saw the look Deanna was giving him.

"Will, her parents aren't just gone, they're dead! That makes a lot of difference."

Beverly nodded silently. Picard glanced at her and quickly remembered that Crusher herself was very experienced in loss. Her mother died when she was a very young girl, her father died, her husband. So, she knew very well, as did Deanna what it felt like to lose a parent. Although, Shondra Howard had yet to see any members of her family die, in fact she'd had no opportunity to experience the loss of her old life and culture. She'd have to mourn the death of the only world she knew. This is very complicated, he thought.

"So, any definite ideas?" He asked.

The crew glanced at each other uncertainly.

Beverly shrugged, "Well we have to do something, whatever it is."

"Make sure it's interesting," Will reminded her.

"And, I'm not so sure that we'd be the best candidates to do that," Deanna answered. "What about.."

"Wesley!" Beverly smiled. "Of course! I'd forgotten all about it! When Shondra first came on board all Wesley could talk about was her- he wanted to see her." She shook her head at her own lack of reticence. " I'll have him talk to her, take her on a tour of the ship-"

"Don't get ahead of yourself just yet, Doctor," Geordi spoke up. "If it's true that she doesn't even know she's in space, we'd just better work on the basics first. Let her get to know us, and- he glanced at Data and Worf, "let her get to know the humans onboard first." He turned towards Deanna, " Or at least the ones that look like they could be. There's no telling how afraid she'd be of seeing another species."

"But she saw that Cardassian," Will leaned forward on the table. "That's enough other species to last a life time."

"Very good Number One, but there's no way of knowing if it was the first or the last. However I think it's safe to say that we'd just better stick to one species for now. Introduce her to this new life slowly, very slowly." Picard nodded at Doctor Crusher. "Proceed with your idea with Ensign Crusher, Doctor, he has full permission to take as much time off of duties as he sees fit, until she is sufficiently adjusted."

Crusher nodded.

Troi kept her expression neutral, but inwardly she was pessimistic. They were all behaving as if this 'adjustment' would only take a matter of days, at the most.

Picard motioned to the door, "Let's just make this as comfortable as possible for the girl. I know we all have questions we'd like to ask her, but they're going to have to wait. Get her settled in quarters for now, and we'll take it from there. Dismissed."

Deanna was on sub space with her mother as soon as the briefing ended.

"Mother, I know there are things you didn't tell me about." She stared hard at the screen image of her mother, who was looking calm and placid. "What did you find out about her mother? We need to know."

Mrs. Troi nodded, "There are many things that I didn't mention to you, and things that I still will not; it's not my place to tell them. You'll have to ask her."

"If I don't know what they are, how can I ask about them?"

"Oh, maybe you'll get lucky and she'll tell you."

Deanna glowered at her mother. "Please, tell me something. We need to know more about her. What else did you see?"

Mrs. Troi's face showed reluctance. After a long moment and a heavy sigh, she spoke. "She is very unhappy little one. Very unhappy. She knows that she isn't on Earth anymore, and she knows consciously that everyone every single person and every aspect of her old life is dead and gone now. She knows she'll never see her family again."

"But what did you see? Before I helped you? What did you see when you were alone with her?"

"I saw the sickening things he did to her. I saw parts of her past, her family and friends. The games she used to play. She was so happy there, so happy!" Mrs. Troi shook her head, " And now she's here and it's all gone. There's nothing for her to look forward to."

"Mother," Deanna persisted, "we need ideas. Something that will help us connect with her."

"She doesn't want you to connect with her," Lwaxana answered decidedly.

She was still holding out on her. Still covering up… something.

"We have to mother! We have to do something to help her!"

"What if she doesn't want help, little one? What if she wants to be left alone?"

"If we leave her alone she'll go into such a state of depression that she'll die."

Mrs. Troi nodded, "I'm aware of that. Maybe that's what she wants."

"Mother!"

"I'm being serious Deanna. What makes you think a life here in this time would be better than death? At least in death she'd be with the ones she loves. Here she has nothing, no one."

Deanna found it difficult to argue that point. So, she ended her conversation with her mother shortly after. It didn't bother her so much that her mother was obviously withholding information. What did bother her was that Mother had outright lied to her. Shondra had not been a happy girl in her former life. She brushed the concern aside, knowing that it would surface at some point. Some very unpleasant point, she was certain. Troi rose and sought out the refuge of Ten Forward.

She was surprised upon entering to see Beverly seated in a far corner of the room, nursing what looked like a very large cup of coffee.

"Like some company?"

Doctor Crusher glanced up at the counselor's instantly recognizable soft voice. She gave a weary smile, the best she could manage, and nodded.

Carefully Deanna took the seat across from the doctor and sat down. "Long day?" She asked.

Again Beverly nodded. " And it's not over yet. I still have a surgery to do and a delivery later today." She took a slow sip of her cinnamon infused coffee and forced herself to relax and take a deep breath. This is your break, Beverly, she reminded herself, enjoy it. Stop getting yourself worked up, the weight of the universe is not all on your shoulders. She glanced down at her coffee mug and absently noticed that she was gripping the cup hard enough to make her knuckles go white. Seeing Deanna's smirk, Beverly blushed with embarrassment. "I guess I just have to work harder at letting myself relax," she admitted.

Troi raised her eye brows. " I think that's putting it mildly."

A second coffee appeared out of nowhere for Troi, and she accepted it with a smile, quickly taking a sip.

Beverly looked at the counselor, who normally was the picture of tranquility and noticed that clearly, the counselor had problems of her own too. " How did that conversation with your mother go?"

Troi rolled her eyes in annoyance. " I might as well have been speaking to a wall. She won't give out any information! I told her how important it was that we find out something about her, and all she told me was that Shondra was once a very happy girl, that she saw exactly what that Cardassian did to her, and that perhaps Shondra didn't want our help." Deanna paused for a moment and Beverly swore she saw her friend shudder, " Basically that the girl wants to die, and that we should allow her to."

"What?" Beverly cried outraged. "There is absolutely no way I'm going to let that happen! Not when she's come so far! Certainly that means something!"

Deanna nodded her agreement silently and waited a few moments collecting her thoughts before continuing, " My mother is holding back a lot of information from me, that much is obvious. I don't know why she's so unwilling to help us, but she has her reasons. SO, if we're going to help Shondra, we're going to have to do it ourselves."

Beverly sighed and shrugged, " That seems to be the norm.

"Doctor Crusher?" Nurse Ogawa's voice came over the comm badge, and Crusher knew that her break was over. Well, she thought, at least we've come up with a solution. She couldn't help smiling at that.

"Yes?" She answered.

"Lt. Grube is at ten centimeters, her contractions are one minute apart."

Crusher rose hastily from her seat. "All right," she answered, "I'll be right there."

"And Doctor," the nurse continued, " you do still have surgery scheduled."

Crusher nodded grimly. " Well, let's do one thing at a time, okay? If things go well there should be plenty of time for both." She shut off the link and glanced at Troi. " Sorry to cut our conversation short.

Troi considered the idea for a moment and smiled, " I don't see why not," she answered. "I think she's up to it. She's tired of being stuck in Sick Bay, at least." She grinned at Crusher, "Let's just hope your son is doing a good job with her."

Beverly laughed lightly at the joke. " Yes, let's hope. I should know by the time I get to Sick Bay, at least."

Then Crusher, always the professional hurried out of Ten Forward and to Sick Bay. She had work to do, after all. Seeing her son fall flat on his face, as was her secret prediction, simply referencing the girl's reaction to Will Riker, was an extra.

Wesley stared at Shondra and said nothing. Shondra stared back at him hard until he was forced to look away.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Shondra rolled her eyes, absolute disgust showing in every nuance of her body. She was sitting up in bed. His mother said that was a good sign, and that she was healing quickly. She'd been there for ages, if this was what Mom considered quick- she must have been hurt pretty badly.

"Why does everyone here think that I should talk to them? Like you're all gods or something, like I should want to talk to you. I don't."

Wesley shrugged. " Why not? What's wrong with us? Don't you want to talk to anyone?"

Shondra sighed in exasperation as though she was being forced to converse with a very slow-minded individual. She took several gulps of water to cool her parched throat. Not speaking, she noted, had taken its toll on her throat. "Don't you get it? I don't want to be here! I don't give a care about any of you! All I want is to go home. I don't want to be interrupted by anyone's stupid questions or concerns."

Wesley stood up, furious. "We saved your life and this is how you thank us?"

Shondra narrowed her eyes in a deadly glare and leaned forward in bed. "No," she answered, her voice scarcely more than a whisper, "this is."


	9. Chapter 9

-1Chapter 9

"Doctor, what the hell is going on? You son was supposed to report for work over an hour ago! I demand to know the delay!"

An irritated sigh came over the comm and Beverly Crusher's voice snapped with annoyance. " Captain, you are his commanding officer. If you want a crew member of yours located, don't call his mother. Locate him yourself!"

The bridge crew stopped all activity and simply stared at the Captain. He was obviously seething in fury at such a blatant show of insubordination.

Riker held a smile carefully in check as he waited for Picard's response. They all knew where Ensign Crusher was; Captain Picard was simply demanding an explanation hurriedly to cover his concern.

Captain Picard's mouth twitched in irritation. How dare she propose to tell me how to do my job! On the bridge of my own ship!

"Doctor," he tried to keep his voice impassive but it was laden with fury. " I _have_ located my officer and the computer informs me that he is in Sick Bay. I want to know why he is there and why he has been there for over an hour."

"Well, then perhaps you could simply say that and inquire of his condition Captain, instead of trying to interrogate me; I'm busy!"

The Captain's back tightened and the crew held their breath for the explosion. Unfortunately the Doctor continued quickly before the captain had a chance to respond.

" Your ensign is in Sick Bay because someone has knocked him unconscious."

"What?" Shock showed in the captain's voice. "By whom?"

Worf immediately shifted his stance at the helm, and Picard was ready to dispense him to Sick Bay, until the answer came.

"By Shondra Howard."

Riker's laughter rang out, before he could turn it into a cough. He smirked and turned slightly to the side so as not to let the Captain see him.

However the damage was already done. Captain Picard turned to him with obvious amusement in his eyes, if not his face and demeanor, and motioned him to the turbo lift.

"Go Number One," he ordered, " and see what this is all about."

Will had to fight against laughter as he saw Wesley Crusher's face, bruised and dark. His mother was hurrying about Sickbay, obviously too busy to mend her son's bruises. Which gave Riker ample time to see the injured Crusher's face and be fully amused. Shondra Howard was a small girl, but obviously what she lacked in height she more than made up for in determination. She got what she wanted. And obviously what she'd wanted was to hurt Wesley. Which made him wonder just what the ensign could have said to make the girl so angry.

"Uh, sir," Wesley jumped up to attention immediately upon seeing his commanding officer. Obviously embarrassed by his bruises, he tried to at least sound nonchalant as he asked, " Is Captain Picard expecting me, sir?"

Will smiled at him. " No, Wes. Not right now at least. You'll get to help me question the captive."

He winced as the word escaped his mouth, but it was too late to take the harsh word back. "Well," he corrected himself, "perhaps it would be best if I questioned her, alone."

"Or not." The Doctor's confidant voice startled the two. Beverly was standing slightly behind Riker, a cellular repair unit in one hand. She went to her son and began to calmly heal his bruises before speaking again. "What makes you think she'd want to speak or see you at all Will, after the way she responded to your presence the last time? And especially after the way she treated Wesley? You may have special status aboard this ship, and within the circle of the Federation, but you have no clout with her. As far as she's concerned, you're nothing. Absolutely nothing to her. Why should you expect her to see you as anything else simply because you wish her to?"

He was offended at first, until he realized that Beverly had meant no offense at all, there was no hint of sarcasm, malice or irony of any sort. She spoke the truth. Humbling himself somewhat he nodded at her. " I suppose you're right Doctor." He motioned to Wesley, whom he noted with some dissatisfaction was well recovered cosmetically; hardly a trace of the previous bruises remained. " But considering that our only bright idea of Wesley acting as interviewer has failed miserably, what do you suggest? Who should speak to her? If not myself or your son, then whom?"

Beverly smiled hardly disguising a laugh. She gave him a look that insisted that he must be very dense not to be aware of the obvious answer. "Commander, have you even considered that after what she's been through that a male, especially one as," she paused momentarily considering her words, "confident as you are, might be seen as more of a threat to her security than a reassurance of it?"

Riker allowed himself a light chuckle. " You've been talking to Deanna."

Pocketing her cellular tool kit, she winked at him. " Well, you're catching on, Will, I'm surprised."

Taking the jibe, Will smiled gamely at her. " And what ingenious idea have the two of you come up with?"

"Well, first I have to get her out of bed and walking- on her own. Nurse Ogawa has been helping her with muscle strengthening exercises in bed, and now she's walking, with assistance. Carefully," she added. "When she's able to walk without much assistance we plan on taking her out for a while, showing her around. Basically, we're going to have girl talk."

Wesley, looking rather flustered all of a sudden, rose from the bio bed quickly and made his way to the door. " I think I'll be going now," he announced, "Captain Picard is expecting me." As the door of Sick Bay parted, he hastily glanced back at the two, "Thanks mom," he offered and strode hurriedly down the corridor.

Beverly smiled sheepishly at her son's sudden departure. " I think I embarrassed him."

"Or frightened him," Riker answered. "Very intelligent boy, he already knows that the two of you put together could cause all types of trouble."

Beverly obviously having already had her fill of the First Officer, gently pushed him in the direction her son had just taken. "Unless you have some sort of ailment Commander, I suggest that you leave now, and leave all other concerns as to the well being of our newest passenger, well second newest, " she corrected herself, "up to myself and the ship's counselor."

Riker shrugged, surrendering all responsibility of the girl willingly to Beverly. " She's all yours," he offered, " if that's what you want."

"It is," she answered, with a light push out the doors, " goodbye."


	10. Chapter 10

Gotta tell ya- one of my favorite lines in the whole story is in this chapter. Can ya guess what it is? I bet you can! ;)

Chapter 10

Deanna walked into Sickbay at exactly 1700 hours and found Beverly sitting in her office. She walked in quietly afraid of disturbing her, until she saw that the Doctor was simply staring at her computer screen and was obviously quite bored.

"Beverly."

Crusher jumped at the sound, but smiled gratefully as she saw who'd called her. "Oh, it's you Deanna, good. I'm glad you remembered."

"I'll bet you are," Deanna smiled warmly. " Ready to take Shondra on that tour?"

Crusher nodded, "As ready as I'll ever be."

As Deanna and Beverly headed towards the isolation chamber that Shondra was in Deanna muttered, " We'll just have to watch out for her left hook."

Beverly glanced over at her questioningly.

"Will told me," she revealed grinning.

Beverly laughed then and shrugged. "I have to admit that I had my doubts about their meeting. Sometimes Wesley and Will can be very similar in their attitudes of well," She fumbled for a word but Deanna easily finished the sentence for her.

"Everything."

Beverly and Deanna were still laughing as they stepped inside the isolation chamber and found Shondra staring at them. She looked bored, and lonely. She was lying in bed, as usual. Though all her visits with her, Deanna had yet to see her doing so much as sitting up, although Beverly assured her that Shondra was fully capable of sitting up, and of walking now. Beverly dismissed Shondra's behavior as lazy, but Deanna wasn't so sure. The girl had obvious intent behind it. Although this time, Shondra was lying on her stomach, her legs bent in the air behind her, her head propped on her hands at the foot of the bed.

"How would you like to come with us?" Beverly asked her. "Deanna and I would like to give you a tour of the place. You've got your own room now too, so you don't have to stay cooped up in here."

Deanna has already explained to Miss Howard where and when she was currently. She'd talked about the United Federation of Planets, and about different species. However, as she'd mentioned to Beverly, she'd had no success in getting the child to talk about her feelings. Which didn't mean she didn't sense them. Shondra was devastated and felt isolated and alone.

And this is why we're doing this, Beverly reminded herself. She needs to be out in the world, not in here where she only has her own thoughts for company.

Shondra stared at the two for a moment, as if trying to decide if she was being tricked. She definitely looked suspicious of their motives. Still, in a moment she nodded, reluctantly slid off the bed and followed the two women.

Making sure to alter their pace to accommodate the girl's, they spoke with Shondra about her new surroundings as they walked.

Another hour later Shondra was dangling her feet off a chair in Ten Forward, kicking her legs to and fro,sipping a drink and having a conversation with Guinan. Well, not a conversation exactly, Guinana was speaking to the girl, Shondra was staring at her raptly, obviously engaged. SHe paid no attention to her 'tour guides' whatsoever. Guinan was explaining things that were different in 'this time' that took some getting used to. Suddenly Deanna saw a glimpse of a ship interior, but by the time she looked at Shondra, the image was gone. However,Shondra hopped downfrom the bar stool, grabbed bothTroi and Crusher by the arm and led them out. Without an explaination. However, as quiet as the girl was, Troi didn't exactly expect her to speak. She knew something in Guinan's story had sparked a memory for the girl. And thought was something Shondra tried to avoid. Deanna decided now was not the time to press the issue. They needed and Shondra needed to get settled first. Have time in a new place, one that was hers. A place where she didn't feel confined.

Soon, Shondra was taken into another room, a smaller room without any shimmering lights or panels.

Shondra stepped inside and something wiped across her left leg. She jumped terrified and saw something equally terrified running away. She saw the flick of a tail whip behind a partition. Following it quietly, Shondra squealed with delight at what she saw. "A kitty!" She exclaimed overjoyed. "Aww! It's so cute!"

The kitten was staring wide eyed from behind a tall metal table. Slowly Shondra crept towards it speaking softly. "It's okay sweetie," she muttered, " I won't hurt you. Come here and let me pet you."

The cat calmed down and crept slowly towards the girl. Patiently Shondra held out her hand for the cat to sniff, then carefully ran her hand over the cat's head, petting it. That being allowed, Shondra quickly and easily scooped the small kitten into her palm and held it to her cuddling it happily.

"She's yours," Beverly announced, smiling at the picture that the girl and cat made. "And this," she continued, "is your room."

Shondra's wariness returned and she glared at the women. "Why?" She asked. Deanna saw her glance quickly around her, her body tensed and ready- she's looking for a weapon! She shook her head, her heart aching for the girl, and what she'd been through.

"What do you want from me? What do you want in return?" Quickly she placed the kitten on the floor, rejecting it. " Is this a bribe?"

Crusher frowned, this is going to be harder than I thought. "No," she answered adamantly. "It's a gift, so accept it."

"You want something from me," Shondra maintained crouching and backing away, "just like everyone else. That guy and that stupid kid, they're both arrogant, and I don't want anything from them and I won't give anything to either of them. Or to any of you," she finished.

"You don't trust us," Deanna began just as Beverly cried out,

"That stupid kid is my son!"

Shondra's eyes widened and she actually looked afraid.

Deanna stared in shock at the thought she was so easily receiving from the girl. I can't wait to tell Beverly, she thought.

Not too long after, with Deanna taking over and doing most of the talking explaining the food replicator and other cabin controls, Shondra was reasonably settled in her new quarters. Initially Beverly had commented that they might lock her in, as she so seemed to distrust her new surroundings. Then Deanna reminded her that Shondra would be so happy to be left alone at the moment, leaving was far from her mind.

"She has too many things in there to explore anyway," she grinned.

They took their leave of Shondra then, after reassuring her that she could call at any time she needed assistance. For a while the two walked in silence, then Deanna turned to her friend.

"She's afraid of you." Deanna announced.

Beverly's usually placid face turned to scorn. "Well, she should be! Insulting anyone's child is asking for trouble and bound to get hurt."

Deanna smiled. " I don't think you heard me," she began. "I said she's afraid of you. An actual emotion that we can work with, it's a very strong feeling."

Beverly's face softened with concern as she asked earnestly, " Is it because of what happened in Sick Bay? What I had to do to her? Does she think I hurt her? On purpose?"

Deanna pursed her lips in thought for a moment before speaking. "No," she answered slowly, "not exactly. Although she does still harbor some resentment about it, she knows, at least I believe she knows that it wasn't your fault, that somehow you were trying to help her."

Beverly shook her head. " For all the good that did," she mumbled softly reliving the hours she spent watching the girl writhe on her bed in agony after all attempts had been made for comfort. She shuddered feeling helpless and small once again.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Beverly," Deanna voice drifted through Crusher's mental turmoil and brought her back to the present. " I do have some good news about all of this."

Her interest piqued, Beverly looked intently at Troi, waiting for the next piece of information.

" Besides her new kitten," she continued, "you're the only one that Shondra has any affable feelings towards, and actually respects." She grinned widely remembering Riker's comment about the girl rejecting all authority figures aboard the Enterprise. " It looks as if she's found an authority figure at last. She's afraid of you Beverly, because she thought you'd found fault with her. That terrified her. For whatever reason she didn't want to lose you, to lose her favor with you. She knows you've grown attached to her, and she values that."

Beverly paused and let the information sink in. "So, what does all this mean?" She asked.

Deanna smiled again, " You're her parental figure. For all reasonable concerns, you're the one that's going to be taking charge of her, disciplining her. Tough love as they say, is what she's going to need. She's not the kind that takes orders easily, but she respects rules and strictness, even if she doesn't always follow them. She's going to be a challenge Beverly, you're going to have to make her mind you and the rest of us, and earn her respect in doing so. You're all she's got."

Sighing Beverly buried her head into her hands. "I didn't ask for this. This is not a part of my Star Fleet occupational list!"

"No one can make you do this," Deanna gently reminded her, "but I don't think you'd be one to turn away from this responsibility, even if she isn't literally yours to be responsible for."

Beverly shook her head. " I don't know if I can handle two kids. Two kids that pretty much hate each other," she added.

Deanna smiled picturing the doctor and two stubborn children. " I don't know if hate is quite the right word for it," she began, " more like caution."

"Yes," Beverly agreed, " Wesley's afraid Shondra will beat the daylights out of him again."

"As long as he doesn't try to pry into her past, or anything about her life, they should be fine."

"So, that leaves them free to talk about what?" Beverly questioned.

Deanna shrugged. " The weather?"


	11. Chapter 11

Well, I already took out the chapter where Picard is the only one to have a successful conversation with Shondra, due to space. There's still more chaps to add of course. But I allude to the event in later chapters. I wasn't really sure what to do with this one, I got sick of trying to figure it out, so I just left it in.

Chapter 11

Shondra awoke with a start from another nightmare. When she saw the unfamiliar surroundings she thought for a moment that she might still be dreaming, but she realized quickly that it wasn't so. Oh no, she thought desperately, not again!

She jumped up and out of bed ready to fight, tears of despair already forming in her eyes. And I was just starting to get used to this place, she thought, and all the stupid people, too.

Her body was tensed and ready to pounce upon any moving object, should anything present itself. She surveyed her surroundings in the dark and listened intently for any signs of life.

I won't let him get me this time, she thought bitterly, not this time. He couldn't break me then and I won't let him do it now.

"Show yourself you coward!" She screamed, already thinking that this was yet another one of his mind tricks, trying to drive her insane with fear of impending doom. He'd done it often enough, and she'd never had to wait long. Usually it was just a mind test but the doom always came shortly after. This time however she wasn't in restraints; she could fight back and she intended to.

A dark streak moved at her side. Shondra wished desperately she had a gun or a knife, some sort of weapon. She spied a vase and grabbing it swiftly she hurled it towards the shadow without hesitation.

A high pitched sound, almost like a scream arose from the corner and Shondra watched amazed as the shadow ran from the room. A four legged shadow with a bushy tail.

The cat! She realized, remembering the events of the previous evening. Her eyes refocused to the light and she was able to more calmly view her surroundings. I remember this, she thought. This is my room. They gave it to me last night. She covered her face with her hands embarrassed at the cowardly form her own fears had taken. A shaky sigh escaped her lips and she sat down on the bed. Her bed, she reminded herself.

The kitten's small form reappeared in the doorway and a soft mew let Shondra know that it was all right. Then she lay back on the bed and sobbed.

Deanna sat bolt upright in bed, cold sweat soaking her body.

"Shondra!" She cried desperately and jumped up. The fleeting image of the interior of the Cardassian's ship came to her again. The girl was in danger, mortal danger. " Security to Shondra Howard's' quarters!" She barked the order and she raced for the doorway

"Beverly!" She almost screamed over the comm system, " Get to Shondra's quarters now!"

Deanna had barely broken off comm with the doctor when she rushed into the turbolift.

She met Crusher and the security team all running to the girls' room. The night security, a team of two lieutenants armed with phasers stood at the door foregoing the security lock. They rushed inside, Beverly following in her robe with her emergency med kit. Deanna followed closely at their heels.

"Shondra?" One of the men called out.

There was a muffled cry and a rustling sound from the back of the cabin. The team rushed ahead without hesitation. They saw broken shards of glass near the cabin wall and rushed into the bedroom.

Shondra screamed and ducked under the covers.

Relieved, Deanna realized that the girl had only thought she was in danger, albeit the thought was very real and that panic stricken thought was what had reached Deanna's sleeping mind so urgently. Deanna felt embarrassed at this oversight. But there was no doubt as to the fact that the girl was still terrified. Imagined terror or not, it was still something that needed to be taken seriously.

"There's no one here, except for us and the girl," one of the men announced scanning the area with his tricorder.

Deanna nodded and motioned the team away. " Thank you gentlemen," she nodded graciously, " we can handle it from here."

As the security team left, Beverly moved gingerly towards the bed. "Shondra?" She called softly. "Shondra, it's all right, no one's going to hurt you here. You're safe." Slowly she sat down on the bed next to Shondra, behaving as though Shondra were indeed her own child, and she had no qualms about comforting her.

Deanna's empathic abilities however told her otherwise. Beverly was in fact rather afraid of what the girl would do to her, how she would react to her presence. She believed the girl would either lash out at her violently or start screaming at her. But, her mind also told her that none of the doctors' fears were in the thoughts of Shondra Howard. She was cowering in terror and very much welcomed the thought of comfort.

"It's all right Beverly," she murmured just loud enough for the doctor's ears alone.

Beverly took comfort in her friend's reassurance, knowing that she wouldn't let her approach Shondra if she deemed it unsafe.

"Shondra," she whispered again, this time reaching out and gently touching the bundle of sheet on the bed. To her amazement, it was shaking. The girl was literally shaking with fear. Her brow furrowed in concern, Beverly soundlessly pulled back the sheets covering the girl. Indeed, she found Shondra curled into a tight fetal ball shaking in terror. Gently, she put her arms around the girl's small shaking frame and held her.

"It was the cat, the kitten," Deanna spoke softly. "It startled her, to say the very least. She had a nightmare," she continued, drawing more information from the girl's mind as she opened up further, " she was disoriented when she woke," she explained.

Beverly nodded silently and pulled the girl closer to her.

Deanna sensed that her friend wanted to be alone with her patient. So, pleased that she could go back to bed and equally pleased that no one had blamed this momentary lapse of judgment on her, Deanna moved to the door to make her way back to her quarters. " You know where to find me if you need me," she offered.

Beverly nodded again in response, and taking her cue, Deanna left the two alone.

Beverly held the girl tightly all thought of sleep already far from her mind. She gently rocked the girl back and forth as she did with Wesley when he was young. The girl was almost Wesley's age, yet the comforting motioned seemed appropriate, and the girl did not object. Beverly noted easily that the girl's muscles were tense, as hard as steel. "It's okay," she whispered. " I'm here, you're all right. No one's going to hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you," she muttered.

In response, Shondra's arms curled around Beverly's and she leaned against the doctor for support, very much exhausted by her ordeal. Crusher felt the girl's steel frame shudder, relax, tighten, then relax again. She's afraid to let her guard down. Literally. Beverly said nothing however, simply rubbing the girls back as she rocked. Finally She sighed heavily, and Beverly felt her frame fully relax, resigning herself to the only person left who cared for her at all and cried.

Doctor Crusher said nothing for a long time, simply letting the girl vent her pain and cry. Whatever the reason, she was certain the girl had a rough enough life to warrant a significant amount of tears and heart ache. Shondra deserves to have someone genuinely care for her, she thought. And that person is me. Without a doubt, she confirmed her own reasoning, it has to be.

Soon the girl's heavy weight and slow breathing told Beverly her patient was asleep. Carefully, and trying in vain to suppress a feeling of motherly pride, Beverly carefully slipped from the girl's grasp and positioned her back into bed. Smiling at the sweet innocent image Shondra made, Beverly bent down and softly kissed the girl's forehead. Then, exhausted herself, and confident that the girl wouldn't mind, she lay down on the bed beside her and fell asleep.

Something wet licking her face woke Doctor Crusher. She opened her eyes aware that whatever was licking her face had better stop. She immediately saw the kitten Deanna'd picked out for Shondra the day before, licking her cheek. She realized where she was and carefully picking the kitten up in one hand, Beverly rose stiffly from the bed and made her way to the main cabin, lest she wake Shondra. She certainly didn't want to startle the girl any further.

She stepped into the cabin and sat down on the couch with a yawn. She looked at the scrawny kitten she held and smiled. " Looks like you're gonna stick with me, hmm? For this morning at least. And for your information, " she stroked the kittens soft chin, " I do not like being roused by a rough tongue." She stretched and added, " I much prefer coffee."

"Doctor Crusher?" The familiar voice of nurse Ogawa came over the comm system. Beverly rose quickly to answer the call, remembering that her comm badge'd been left in her own quarters.

"Yes?" She answered in a hushed voice.

"WE were wondering where you were," the amusement in her voice was apparent. "it isn't like you to go off without your comm badge."

Beverly smiled smugly. "It's not what you think," she replied with equal amusement. " A late night call, and I was so tired that I fell asleep here."

"Sure doctor, whatever you say."

Beverly was shocked and about to reprimand her when she heard laughter.

" I just wanted to check in on you," her voice continued, " and let you know that you were due here fifteen minutes ago."

Beverly was shocked by her body's lapse in time. She usually woke up long before she shift started, no matter how many night calls she received. " I'll be there shortly," she answered.

With one last peek in on her patient, who was still sound asleep, Doctor Crusher headed back to her own quarters to change into uniform.

"So, it was just the cat?"

"The kitten," Deanna corrected him, " yes. That's what she threw the vase at. And she was very disoriented when she woke up. She isn't used to changes in environment, I'm sure, the last change being from the Cardassian ship to here, and before that-"

Will motioned the last statement away with a shake of his head. " I know Deanna, I know. Please don't mention it."

"Well maybe that's what the problem is, what everyone's problem is!"

Deanna's unusually sharp tone took Riker by surprise. He stared at her silently and waited for her to finish, which she did as close to furious as he'd ever seen her.

"Everyone here just wants to conveniently forget that this girl had a home and a family before she was transported here! Well it may not be nice to think about but it's true! If you Will Riker can't imagine thinking of it because it isn't pleasant, then imagine how this girl feels! She has to deal with it every day! She's in a completely foreign environment and she's entirely alone! No family, no friends! Absolutely nothing left of her old life! No one here knows who she is, what her past was like, if she likes sweet or salty food, her favorite color or what she likes to do for fun! How can you be so heartless and just not care!"

Riker was stunned by her accusations and with the emotion that came with them. " I'm sorry Deanna," he muttered, " I didn't know you felt this way."

She turned on him quickly pouncing on his words. "Then say that to her Will! Don't apologize to me! Apologize to her for being so self centered and conceited!"

Will snapped his mouth shut and watched silently as Deanna hurried out of Ten Forward. Something told him that this wasn't the time to run after her. He sat feeling as though all eyes were on him- they probably were he noted, and continued to nurse his drink until he had things sorted out.

Shondra sat silently with her kitten, whom she'd dubbed Whisper, trying to recover from the stupid boy, Wesley's visit. He'd entered her room with an armload of what Shondra soon learned were books. He treated her like a history assignment, she thought, or like a specimen to be studied. It didn't take long for the boy to wear her patience through and shortly after he'd entered Shondra'd sent him out with the threat of another visit to see his mother in Sick Bay.

How can someone that nice have a child that's so stupid, she wondered.

Her doorbell- chime, she reminded herself, they call it a chime. What idiots! Her door chime rang again and Shondra rolled her eyes. He just doesn't get it, does he? She thought.

"I thought I told you to go away!" She yelled in response. " You don't take points well, do you? Maybe another jab to the face would help?" She offered.

"I came to talk to you, Miss Howard." A mans' voice, one that she remembered but couldn't place, answered.

Not caring who it was Shondra answered, " I don't care, I don't want to talk to anyone. Go away."

The doors parted and she jumped up furious. I know I had that thing locked how could he- how dare he open it!

"Sorry to have disappointed you, Miss Howard," Riker began.

"Don't you people know that it's rude to barge into someone else's' house- especially without permission? It's illegal, in fact."

He tried to hide his smile as he answered, " It's not illegal on this ship, when you're first officer. Rude, maybe," he conceded, "but not illegal."

"Well I suppose since you have no objections to being rude I can say that I want too. And I want you the hell out of my place now! Get the fuck outta my face and my life! I can't stand you and it's painfully obvious that you're the most conceited person onboard this hell hole and maybe that's why that kid is so conceited- he takes after you. I guess in four hundred years' arrogance and rudeness have become a virtue. Hell must've frozen over."

Will stood there staring at the girl. Idiot, Riker, you're an idiot! Stuck your foot in your mouth again! Doing the exact opposite of what you came here to do. He shook his head annoyed at his own lack of self control. He had forgotten that many didn't like his snide jokes, and that this girl certainly didn't. His jaw tightened and reluctantly he revealed the pink rose he'd been holding behind his back. "This is for you," he muttered his mind recalling images of his first date, "as an apology for behaving in such an uncalled for fashion."

Shondra looked at the rose, which under any other circumstances she would have accepted graciously, then back at the ships commanding officer. She looked at him and laughed aloud, rejecting the rose. " I take it that was supposed to gloss over an apology for your acting like an ass the first time you barged in on me unannounced and uninvited."

Inwardly Will cringed at her words. She sure doesn't beat around the bush, he thought. Now who does that remind me of? Deanna? He thought and shook his head. Beverly! He realized and almost smiled, until he saw the hateful look that Shondra Howard was giving him.

"But," she continued, " this time in offering your apology instead of behaving like a gentlemen or even as a civilized person, you present yourself as rude selfish and very very conceited before you even set foot into my residence. And then," she added, " there is the fact that you didn't even wait for permission, in fact you were entirely denied it when still you chose to break into my place."

Shondra shrugged carelessly and sat down. "And to think I might have accepted your apology." Then thinking better of it, she rose and walked towards Will. She grabbed the rose then shoved it into Riker's hand. " But no, I do not accept your apology for your previous behavior. And I will not ever accept an apology from someone as two faced as you are, someone who deems common decency and humility as being beneath him." She opened the doors for him and motioned to the outter hallway. " Leave now Commander Riker, and do not visit me again."

Shocked by the girls' obvious undaunted command of self, considering that most civilians and crew members alike would bend over backwards to please him, Riker was again shocked into silence. The girl was right in pointing that out, he noted, but she's got guts to actually say it out loud- and in no uncertain terms either. He nodded curtly to her, already thinking of Deanna Troi's reaction when she found out and stepped out of Shondra Howard's quarters.

As the doors closed again Shondra walked towards Whisper and picked her up.

" He acts like a little kid," she announced to the cat. "And I despise him." She thought for a moment then added, " He's rude very rude. And what would you do about a rude child that is bothering you?" She looked at the cat. " Besides beating him up that is?" She grinned. " You tell his parents." Her smile widened even further as she realized just whom the equivalent of Commander Rikers parents aboard the ship were. "He's in for it now," she whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"What did you do this time?"

Beverly sat at the dinner table with her son, trying for the life of her to understand why he'd make the same mistake twice.

"Nothing!" He insisted. "I just brought some texts for her to read, I brought some about the 20th century too, and she just went nuts I guess. She told me to leave."

Beverly's eyebrows shot up. "What did you say to her Wes? Exactly, word for word, what did you say?"

He shrugged. "I just said that if she wanted to learn anything about the time period she was in now, that she could read about in the PADDs if she wanted to."

"And what did she say?"

"She didn't want to learn about it."

"And then?" She prodded.

"I offered the other ones to her, the ones about the 20th century. She threw those to the floor-" He looked at his mother to see if she understood his plight and wanted him to end his story. She didn't. "Well she shouldn't have done that mom! I said so and picked 'em up. She just doesn't want anyone to help her!" He paused remembering the incident earlier that afternoon on the bridge when Captain Picard had announced annoyed that Shondra Howard had contacted him and complained about the arrogance of his crew, specifically the arrogance of Will Riker.

"She says that everyone here is conceited and arrogant- well I think she's the one that's arrogant! She acts like she's better than everyone else and she doesn't want to have anything to do with us!"

Beverly laughed so hard she almost choked on her drink. She buried her face in her napkin and continued to laugh at her son's plight. She recovered momentarily however and spoke. "Wesley, your approach is all wrong. Instead of offering help, you're throwing it at her. How would you feel if Guinan threw an encyclopedia of tablets on engineering at you and then told you that she was going to teach you all about it?"

"What? Mom, that has nothing to do with my situation!"

Beverly grinned. "But it does Wesley. Tell me, how would you feel?"

"Well Guinan knows nothing about engineering! And why would she ever want to do anything like that? Mom, I hardly even know her! And I already know everything about engineering!"

Beverly's grin widened. "Exactly. And that's exactly why Shondra reacted the way she did. You may think you know things about the 20th century, but compared to her you know nothing at all about it. She lived it, there's a difference. You pushed yourself on her Wes, that's the problem. You're looking at her like she's some school assignment to be tackled instead of looking at her as a person, as a friend."

"A friend?" Wesley laughed. "I don't think I'm going to be friends with someone who tried to beat me up!"

Smiling Beverly whispered, "Tried to? I think she did a fairly good job of accomplishing that dear. She did beat you up."

"Mom!"

She smiled again and took a sip of water. "Sorry."

Wesley rolled his eyes and shook his head in despair. She still didn't understand. "Well why don't you try it then?" He asked.

"Try what?"

"To teach her what we know!"

Smiling still she answered, "Why does she have to learn our ways? We don't force our culture on other peoples we encounter, do we?"

"Mom! She isn't another life form! She's human just like us!"

"But she's from an entirely different culture, Wesley!"

"That didn't stop you and Counselor Troi from showing her around the Enterprise and how everything works, giving her a room just like ours," he pointed out. "That proves she can handle our culture mom! She didn't go berserk when you showed the stuff to her, did she? The way some other cultures might?"

"No," she admitted, "but that's because her century's technology even though it was primitive is similar to what we have now. Their technology and theories became what we have today, so no it wasn't too great of a shock for her."

"Then she can handle learning about the stuff mom," he persisted, by now the thought of food entirely gone from his mind. "Why not teach her?"

Beverly shrugged. He has a point, she thought. And it would be good for her to be around people her own age.

"Well, Wes there isn't a school here on the Enterprise, first of all. And secondly- well no wait," she corrected herself," there is, but it's for younger children. It wouldn't be appropriate to put her in with them. And then secondly, there's no one here that has the time to teach her and quite frankly Wesley she doesn't want to learn. You can't force it upon her. It would only make things worse." Beverly rose from her seat, having finished her meal and began clearing her place.

Wesley sighed and picked up his plate as well. "I guess so," he agreed," but I just wish she'd let someone help her."

"Beverly?" Picard's voice boomed into the room.

"Yes?"

"Would you please meet me in my quarters this evening? I would like to discuss… an incident with our First officer and Shondra Howard. As I understand it from couselor Troi, you are now the child's..."

"Guardian," Beverly answered. This cannot be good.

"Yes. Well I would appreciate it if I could get your take on the matter, before I speak with the girl. Again," he added gruffly.

"Certainly, Jean-Luc." Beverly smiled at the idea of Picard speaking with 'the girl'. Even though it was one of the first things he'd expressed to her about their charge, she didn't think he'd follow through with it. Then again, she didn't know the current situation. Something may have happened to warrant this discussion. At that she added, "It is important? Do you need me right away? Wesley and I were just finishing up dinner."

Picard cleared this throat uncomfortably. "Ah. Yes, Doctor. Certainly. By all means finish dinner. I didn't realize- well, it is no emergency. At your convenience Doctor."

"In that case, I will see you later, Jean-Luc."

"Acknowledged."

Wesley was staring at her when the conversation ended.

"Mom? Are you okay? Why is your face red?"

She felt her face darken more at the question. She'd been amused that Jean-Luc had felt the need to address her by her title once he learned Wesley was in the room. Her face had flushed… well, that wasn't for Wesley to know. She just made a mental note to hasten her pace to Jean-Luc's quarters.

"I can't make her talk Beverly. There's nothing I can do."

"That's what Deanna says," she answered, "and it's true. None of us can make her do anything, anymore than anyone can make another person do something. She'll talk when she's ready, and until then she'll talk about what she wants to talk about. She's too smart to let you or anyone manipulate her. But," Beverly stretched out in the chair, "with all that has happened to her, she's bound to snap at some point,"

"Well, she did snap at my second in command."

Crusher feigned horror. "How horrible. I'll just bet he was reduced to tears. What, is he now off cowering in a corner? Unable to function?"

Jean-Luc stared at her. "Beverly!"

She shook her head dismissing his disapproval. "He can handle it. And, trust me, he deserved it."

Picard laughed outright. "You don't even know the situation, the circumstances-"

She smiled. "But I do know Will Riker, and I think I know Shondra fairly well. And I definitely know what happened the first time those two spoke. Trust me, he deserved it."

Picard raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. He met Beverly's steely gaze, and knew she wasn't about to back down. He sighed aloud then put a hand to his head.

"Talk to her," he implored. "She will talk to you-"

"She will fight with me, you mean."

A smile played at the corners of his lips. "She won't talk openly with Deanna," he continued as though he hadn't been interupted.

"She won't talk openly with anyone," Beverly interupted again.

"She spoke with me," Jean-Luc answered.

"I think that's because you weren't speaking to her for... very personal reasons."

"What could be more personal than one's home world, one's life?"

Crusher shook her head emphatically, sending wayward red locks swinging. "You weren't trying to," she made a face as if she knew she were caught,but continued, "make her crack," she muttered.

A wide smile lighted the captain's face at the admission. But he said nothing.

"Damn it Jean-Luc!" She blazed glaring at him in all his superior silent gloat. She rose from the seat then ruffled and walked to the door. As she exited she called out, "At least my reasoning for talking to her isn't simply to fulfill some childish fantasy of ancient Earth!"

Picard shrugged. "Touche," he admitted, although unconcerned.


	13. Chapter 13

All right kiddies, gentlemen you may want to skip this part. It's all GIRLY! lol! So, seriously this is influenced by my own experiences and those of numerous girlfriends. (Some of whom are reading this right now- so review it then ya nits!) All of whom were like, oh my god, so it wasn't/ isn't just me! lol. This is for you girls!

Chapter 13

Beverly Crusher stared at her medical file of Shondra Howard. She'd been staring at it for several minutes, wishing what she was reading would go away. If it didn't she'd have no choice but to call the girl into her office for an appointment.

She hadn't spoken to Shondra of her pregnancy; she just couldn't handle it. She'd left that particular assignment up to Selar, who informed the girl without wavering. As to the girl's reaction to the news, Beverly wasn't certain. She hadn't asked Selar, nor had the Vulcan offered any information. And, upon seeing Shondra later that day, the girl had said nothing to Beverly about it.

Beverly wondered if Shondra was even truly aware of her situation. After all, such a strange circumstance could easily be pushed aside as impossible or insane. Certainly the girl wouldn't wish for such a fate and would like to ignore it, pretend that the condition didn't exist just as much as Crusher herself did. She shoved the padd away from her and decided that whether or not she liked the idea, she had to take matters into her own hands. She was still Shondra's doctor, after all.

"Shondra?"

Doctor Crusher's voice floated seemingly out of thin air and into Shondra's room. "Yes?" She asked, already fully aware that whatever the doctor had to say, it wasn't good.

"Would you come to sickbay, please?"

"Why?"

"I'd like to talk to you."

"You can talk to me now," she replied. "I don't like Sickbay, and I'm not going there to talk to you. If you have something to say to me, say it now."

Crusher was surprised by the girl's crisp tone. But she remembered what Deanna told her about Shondra being stubborn and needing rules to be enforced.

"I need to speak to you, and I also want to examine you to see how your condition has improved."

"I feel fine," she objected.

"I'm glad to hear it," she answered evenly. "But I still need to examine you. So, you can report here yourself or I can send a security team over to bring you in by force."

Shondra smiled, thinking this option over. "Are any of 'em cute?"

"What?"

"Never mind," she shook her head. "I'll be there." She sighed grudgingly and turned off the comm station, left her quarters and walked very slowly to sickbay.

She has every right to be afraid, Beverly reminded herself, after what she's been through. The last time she was here wasn't all that pleasant either. Taking a deep breath she approached Shondra.

"I'm glad to see that you made it," she joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Unamused, Shondra opened her eyes and looked straight at Beverly. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give you a physical exam.

"Goody." Shondra rolled her eyes.

I'll need you to lie down," she motioned to the bio bed.

She placed her hands easily over the girls' mid section above her uterus. As she pressed down on she noted that it was firm as it should be in a pregnant human, but that there was absolutely no give to her light pressure.

Instantly Shondra cried out and knocked the doctor's hands away. "That hurts!" She exclaimed, covering her abdomen protectively with her hands.

Beverly was surprised at the physical rebuff, but wasn't about to let that deter her. "Shondra I need to know what's going on in there. I'm sorry that hurt, but I'm going to have to see if there's any spot that gives to pressure like it should."

She had to pry the girl's hands from her abdomen and then quickly resume her examination before the girl could react. Not the ideal way she'd care to handle the situation, but it worked.

This time with more force the section of her abdomen gave slightly. Shondra cried out in pain, forcefully slapping Beverly's hands away and turning protectively to her side in a semi- fetal position. "Stop it!"

Beverly frowned deeply.Selar would be just fine doing this, she thought wryly. Maybe I should let her.

But, as she looked down at Shondra, still curled up in pain, Beverly knew she couldn't leave her to someone like Selar. Granted Selar was an excellent doctor in her own right and Beverly was always comfortable leaving sickbay in her capable hands, but somehow to allow a Vulcan who by nature is very emotionally detached to examine a frightened girl who desperately needed emotional support seemed wrong.

In a matter of minutes, the bulk of the examination was already over. She smiled at Shondra encouragingly.

"Okay, good. Now if you'll just stay there, and put your feet up here," she brought out the extension stirrups at the touch of a finger, "we can finish up."

Shondra's eyes seemed inquisitive yet confused.

"I thought you were finished. You checked my heart, my reflexes, my lungs, you poked my stomach so much I'm sure I'm already bruising… what else do you wanna do to me?"

"I need to do a pelvic."

Shondra stared at her, clearly not understanding.

"A pelvic examination," she offered.

The mask of confusion remained. Then Miss Howard threw her hands up in an 'I give up' pose, but the look in her eyes and on her face was-

Sassy! Crusher's brain reminded her. She nodded in approval. She's a sassy girl, she thought.

She raised an eyebrow at Shondra. "Do you want to know what my grandmother would say about that look?" She asked, her tone flat.

Almost comically, Shondra's eyes widened with nothing but shock as her hands instantly dropped, her face wiped of any trace of attitude. "No," she answered immediatly.

Beverly smiled. Good. At least she's had some home training after all. Deanna was right.

"Do you know what a pelvic exam is?" She asked, finally.

Shondra was slack-jawed for a moment. "Uh…. Well, your pelvis is like your hips," she placed her hands on her own, for emphasis. "And your pelvic cavity is what holds most of your internal organs, like your intestines n' stuff."

Crusher let out a breath. Oh no. But she tried to smile encouragingly. "Well, that's partly right, if you were talking about the abdominal cavity."

Shondra shrugged. "Same thing."

Beverly probed further. "Okay, can you list any other organs that are housed in this 'pelvic cavity'?"

"Um, the appendix, your spleen, your bladder , your stomach, um, and your kidneys."

"What about your ovaries and your uterus?"

"Yeah, whatever, those too, duh."

"And how would a doctor go about examining those?"

Crusher's patient made a face. "Eew! Why'd anyone wanna do that?" She wrinkled her nose. However as Crusher gave no response, Shondra finally ventured an answer. "By poking at them?" she guessed. "Like you've been doing to me all freaking day," she added.

"Well, that's true, that is one way of seeing if anything is wrong. What else?"

She shrugged. "Surgery?"

"You can't think of any other way?"

"Oh!" She exclaimed, her face brightening. "With your instruments, all those hi-tech gadgets, the scanners and stuff."

Beverly smiled and nodded approvingly. "What else?"

Shondra stared at her, and thought hard for a moment. "That's it," she answered, "there isn't anything else."

"you can't think of any other way to examine you? I'll give you a hint, I specifically want to examine your uterus- among other things in that vicinity," she added.

Instead of looking confused, Shondra looked furious.

"Well, I obviously haven't given you the answer you're looking for," she shouted, "so here's a thought- instead of playing this stupid game, why don't you just tell me?" She glared at Beverly.

Mood swing! Beverly laughed inwardly. Though she wasn't sure if it was attibuted to her 'pregnancy', puberty hormones, or impending teenager-ism. Still, Beverly was taken aback at this rebuke. She'd suddenly turned into a little spit-fire. Oh, she's scared, Crusher realized. Just take it in stride. So, she shrugged as if unconcerned and answered,

"Fine." It was no different than giving the answer at the academy. Which is just what she did, right down to the text definitions.

When she noticed Shondra's face taking on an almost green pallor, she stopped to ask if she was all right- which was just the opportunity Shondra needed to speak up.

"What the fuck? I seriously, seriously hope you don't think you're gonna do that to me!" She cried out. "That's the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my whole life!"

"Shondra-"

"It's perverted!" She continued. "It's sick! It's disgusting- and there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you or anyone else do anything like that to me- ever."

"Shondra, it's a very common procedure. I know it isn't-"

"Ever." She repeated.

"Shondra"

"You must be crazy if you actually think you're gonna do that to me!" She laughed a strained laugh. "You're the one that needs to see Counselor Troi, not me!"

"Shondra, it's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Not that bad?!" Her voice went up in pitch at each question. "You're telling me that sticking that thing" she pointed violently to the speculum in Beverly's hand, "and like, your whole fucking hand and arm into an opening the size of a pea is "not that bad?"

"Really Shondra, it's only-"

She shook her head emphatically. "No way. I don't like you _that_ much. I don't even like people to hug me," she added her nose wrinkled in disgust, "and you wanna touch me and then some where? Oh, I don't think so."

Beverly could contain herself no longer. She burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that she had to sit on the floor. And she didn't stop until tears began running from her eyes. Or, at least she tried to.

"Shondra," she laughed, "It's really not that bad!" Another burst of uncontrollable laughter. "And I don't mean to laugh but," she laughed again, "it's just that," she gasped for breath, "when you've been practicing medicine as long as I have," she took in another deep breath to try and calm herself, "and none of the women you've examined have suffered horribly from this exam, or died or had any sort of tragedy close to what you seem to be conjuring up," she let out a breath, "it's just funny to see you get so upset about it."

"Well, it's not funny to me," she answered gruffly, unsmiling, arms crossed. "I don't think it's physically possible to do that."

"Well," Beverly rose to her feet with the help of the bio bed, "it is. It's what your body is designed to do. Well, maybe not this specific thing," she corrected, "but it can definitely accommodate."

"Disgusting!" Shondra glared disapprovingly. Howard raised her chin with an air of royalty and defiance and absolute right. When she realized that Crusher was unconvinced she let out a sigh of disgust and resumed her original posture.

"Gross me out! My body has never said a damn thing or given any sort of indication that it was planning on accommodating someone's fucking arm or hand into itself. If an arm was meant to be in there, that's where my arms would be, not coming out from my shoulders!"

Beverly burst into laughter again. God I wish I had a holorecorder for this! She managed to stay upright this time at least, and wiped her eyes.

"Shondra, I swear to you, it's not going to be that bad."

Shondra remained unconvinced. .

Beverly sighed. She did have other patients to attend to today, after all. She walked closer to Shondra, who immediately shrank back protectively.

"It's not that bad," she repeated, "I've had it done myself, many times."

She saw the tiniest glimmer of resistance loosen. The girl looked at her apprehensively this time, worried.

Crusher smiled. "What do you want to know?"

After a few more minutes Crusher had convinced Shondra to lie back down and place her feet in the stirrups when Shondra's sense of modesty took over. It was apparent that before, the girl had been thinking about pain alone, now she realized that there were other concerns as well, like being seen in the nude, in a rather unflattering way.

"Shondra, honestly!"

"I'm just saying, it's indecent. It's just…wrong. You shouldn't see me like this. It's….it's nasty."

Beverly had to count to ten, slowly. "It is not nasty nor is it indecent." She hoped her tone gave Shondra the hint that she was now at the end of her patience. "It's the human body. Doctors see millions of them."

"Naked?"

"Completely." She assured her.

"Sick."

Beverly smiled again and laughed lightly, realizing that it wasn't the 'others' Shondra was concerned or sickened by, it was the thought of herself having to be the naked one.

"Would it make you feel better if I promised not to be "grossed out"?" She asked, letting humor show.

"No," she answered sheepishly. But then, apparently to to save some shred of her authority and mask her fear she added scornfully, "And no one says grossed out anymore!"

She sat down on the stool by Shondra's feet. "Can I get started?" She could see Shondra's bare feet wiggling uncomfortably in their places.

"Not like I have a choice," her voice was light and very nervous sounding.

"It'll be fine," she answered back, patting a hand on Shondra's right foot. She saw the muscles in Shondra's legs tense suddenly and heard her suck in a breath.

"Shondra, it's all right. If you just calm down, you'll be fine. Take a few deeps breaths."

While her patient did that she switched on the speculum, and drew the shelf of instruments closer. She heard Shondra exhale as she tested the temperature of the speculum against her wrist.

"Okay Shondra, I'm going to count to three, then I need you to take a really deep breath in, all right?"

"Okay," Shondra's voice didn't sound like Shondra at all, it was so light and timid. And Crusher realized that truly all Shondra Howard's posturing really was simply that, a brave cover for a terrified girl. A girl who defended herself like a trapped cat, hoping that if her tactics worked they would all go away and somehow she'd have her old life back.

"And I need you to keep your hands at your sides at all times, and leave your legs just where they are unless I tell you to move them, okay?"

"Uh huh."

Deanna was on her feet, nearly running to SickBay. Finally. Finally, she was thinking about it._Beverly, why didn't you tell me? Warn me? Talk to me about doing this?!_ This was going to be trouble.

As soon as she heard Shondra begin to inhale she inserted the speculum. She heard Shondra release her breath with a cry.

"Hold still, Shondra, just hold still. Take deep breaths."

Shondra gave a stifled cry, and Beverly could hear her gasping as she tried to control herself.

"Is it supposed to hurt?"

Not usually, she thought.

"It'll be over in a minute," she tried to sound cheerful. "Just keep taking good deep breaths.

She could hear Shondra sniffling and moaning as Beverly dilated her, and could feel her shaking as tremors, even deep within muscle.

"I'm going to take a look at your uterus and make sure it's doing okay, "she spoke as she moved her hand.

Shondra cried out loudly at the movement and Beverly could see her pushing against the stirrups.

"Shondra I need you to relax-"

"Ow, ow ow! She cried, "You're hurting me! Stop!" She begged choking on sobs.

"Hold still Shondra, you're tightening up your muscles. That's not making my job any easier."

When she heard Shondra take another gasping breath in, she positioned herself appropriately. She felt weight on her hand in response, and knew immediately that Shondra'd thrown her arms across her lower abdomen.

"Stop it!" Shondra screamed.

"I can't do that Shondra. I'm not finished yet. I don't mean to hurt you, but I have to do this." She knew she needed to be stern with her now, be the authority figure.

"Hold still Shondra. Keep your hands at your side, and keep your feet where they are. Relax your pelvis, and breathe. This will only last a few more seconds."

Even then she saw Shondra beginning to draw one leg backward out of the stirrup. Frustrated, Beverly laid her hand firmly on the leg.

"Shondra, I mean it, hold still or this will be a lot worse for you."

"_Stop, Beverly."_

It was Deanna Troi's voice coming over the comm.

_"Whatever you're doing,"_ she ordered her, _"stop it now."_

Crusher was furious. How dare she tell me what to do in my own sickbay! No one tells me how to do my job!

"Deanna," her voice was tense, "don't interrupt me, I'm finishing a medical examination."

_"I know."_ Troi's voice was even and clear. "_But stop now, Beverly. Just stop."_

Furious Crusher slammed her other fist onto the bio bed, ended the examination, then spun on her heel in the direction of her office. "Deanna get in here now! Get yourself directly to my office!" She ordered. She stalked out angrily calling over her shoulder," You wait here," she ordered Shondra, in a voice that dared to be defied.

Moments later Deanna walked into Crusher office looking entirely calm as though she'd done nothing wrong.

"How dare you try to tell me how to do my job! Who do you think you are, Deanna? You know better than that! I never tell you how to do your job and I certainly wouldn't do so while you were with a patient! What the hell has gotten into you?" She slammed her fists down on the desk seething, waiting for an answer.

Deanna sat down looking entirely undisturbed by her friend's outburst. "This isn't just any patient," she began. "I told you to stop for a reason. She was thisclose to hurting you." She stared evenly at Beverly waiting for her reaction.

"What!"

"She was about to hurt you," she repeated. "Your examination was coming too close to home for her. She was continually having flashbacks of what the Cardassian did to her."

Beverly's mouth dropped open in shock. "How-?" She couldn't fathom any further than that.

"You were causing her pain purposefully."

"That's not true!" She objected. "I didn't want to hurt her! It had to be done, I had no choice. It would have been over in half a second."

Deanna shrugged. "Nonetheless, it's what the Cardassian did to her, forcing her to endure pain."

"But this is entirely different," she insisted, "it's an entirely different issue. And I'm trying to help her, not hurt her!"

"Not to mention," Troi continued as if her friend hadn't spoken, "that it brings back very strong memories of her sexual assaults. Your reasoning doesn't matter to her. The fact remains that you _are_ hurting her, she doesn't care why you're doing it. All she knows, all she needs to know is that you are."

Beverly sighed heavily and closed her eyes. "Well, I'm sorry Deanna, but I can't stop this examination simply because it hurts her. I have no choice, it has to be done." Shaking her head she moved from her desk and past Troi.

Troi rose quickly and spun around to follow the doctor out of her office. "What are you doing? You can't do this to her yet! She's not ready! She hasn't even opened up to me about her assaults- as far as she knows, no one is aware of them. She has to talk about this first, you can't just do this to her- it'll send her into a state of -"

"I have to finish this examination," Beverly answered, interupting her. "Making her wait is only going to make it worse."

"But, she'll hurt you!" Deanna cried, trying to convince Crusher for the last time.

Beverly shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "That's what restraints are for,"

A pained look crossed the counselor's face, and she gaped as the doctor walked back into the room and the doors slid shut behind her.

Deanna stayed .Even when overcome with pain herself, and curled up in the chair, she stayed. She needed to be there for both of them when the ordeal ended. To pick up the pieces.


	14. Chapter 14

Note: I find it very amusing that there is one chapter on here that consistently has more 'hits' than any other chapter (excluding # 1, of course). It doesn't have a single review though, and I have no idea what on earth is attracking everyone to THAT chapter. Is it like the black hole of chapters? Or is everyone messaging everyone else to just read that chapter? And no, I am not going to say which chapter it is, since apparently everyone and their mama already knows about it. lol.

Have been and will be very busy for a while. Lemme know whatcha think, and I'll get back to it soon.

Chapter 14

Beverly's strong temper seemed to be universal knowledge throughout the ship. And everyone knew it was better to do whatever it took to stay on her good side than to have her angry with you. Under normal circumstances, Dr. Crusher was a very compassionate and caring individual towards everyone onboard the ship- unless something or someone upset her. Then it was entirely possible, if you caught yourself on the wrong side of Crusher's good nature, that she could kill you.

No one was entirely certain the cause of the Doctor's extremely foul mood, but no one dared to ask. She could be seen nearly every day glowering at ship mates snapping at co workers and patients alike and storming around the decks of the Enterprise like a Klingon warrior seeking vengeance. No one spoke to her unless it was absolutely necessary. Even Doctor Selar kept her distance.

Shondra Howard however, was most likely the only person on board who simply didn't give a damn how the doctor felt. She was busy angrily sulking. Simply thinking about Doctor Crusher was enough to make her blood boil. She was supposed to be the nice one, Shondra thought bitterly, and look what she does!

Truthfully Shondra felt more cold and alone now than she ever had previously. Feelings of desolation surrounded her so closely she'd almost been brought to tears. But, determined not to show weakness again even if she were the sole witness, she turned her pain into anger instead, easily thinking of how cruel and unjust Doctor Crusher was.

It didn't take long to turn her hurt into a rage that burned steadily inside of her. Her mind was already going over ideas for revenge with the same passion she thought of revenge for her captor. An eye for an eye, she thought. She hurt me, didn't she?

Beverly buried her head into her arms, as close to tears as she'd allow herself to get, at work at least. The examination'd gone horribly. She felt as though she were the Cardassian that had tortured Shondra in the past, even though she reaped no pleasure from her task. She had to do it, she had no choice. She was as trapped in the situation as Shondra was. One thing was certain however, or actually two; Shondra Howard was as much in denial about her pseudo pregnancy as much as she hated Beverly-which the argument that followed the examination quickly proved.

That was what hurt her the most, what had reduced her to near tears. The girl, for whom she had such a damned strong attachment for, hated her. Absolutely without a doubt hated her. She hated her for doing her job, for hurting her. Deanna was right, she thought, Shondra didn't care about the why she just cared about the what. And what Beverly'd done to her patient was hurt her so badly that she was reduced to tears and cries of agony. It had made Beverly's blood run cold to hear it. She had to force herself to remain composed, although inwardly she was screaming in disgust at what she was being forced to do. She seemed to be going against every principle she had and the very essence of the Hippocratic Oath, to do no harm.

"Beverly," Picard's low voice floated down to her. He put his hand gently to her shoulder, assuming she was asleep.

"Go away," she moaned, shrugging his hand from her.

"Beverly," he continued in a voice that insisted it would take no objections, "you can't stay here forever. For one thing, we have a dinner appointment. And another, you are off duty."

Her coppery head rose from the cradle of her arms. "How can you think about dinner at a time like this?" She asked sternly.

Obviously confused, Picard simply kept his gaze upon her.

He doesn't know she reminded herself, I'm the only one that was in that exam room with her. He had no idea what it was like, and for that matter, he has no idea she had an appointment with me. He has no idea. But of course, she almost laughed, it's none of his concern. I'm being torn apart by our passenger and he's entirely unaffected. How damned unfair.

She sighed and looked up at Picard with an exhausted expression. "Jean- Luc," she whispered, "I don't think tonight is a good night for dinner." She rose from her chair slowly. "I'm exhausted," she continued, "and I'm just not up to it."

"Shall I walk you to your quarters then?"

She smiled weakly. "Yes, Jean-Luc, that would be nice."

After Picard left Crusher's quarters, and Beverly was certain that he was on the turbo lift back to his own quarters she stepped outside and headed towards ten forward. She rarely drank, it was quite unbecoming for a doctor she thought, but tonight she certainly could use a bit of synthahol and she certainly didn't need captain Picard's voice in her ear telling her no.

As she entered Ten Forward she noticed that it wasn't quite as full as she was accustomed to seeing it at this hour of night. She also noticed that most of the crewmembers looked her way with a surprised almost frightened gaze. But her eyes found Geordi, Worf, and Riker gathered at a table to the back of the room. She smiled at them and Riker motioned her over. She really wasn't planning on being social tonight, since it was a lot easier to mope alone than it was in a group. But, she figured it would look better to nurse a glass of synthahol in a group than by herself.

Well good, she thought, looking at the wary stares of other crew members, let them be afraid of me. It'll give me one less thing to deal with, and I won't have to make small talk. She was about to walk further into the bar when the doors parted again.

Figuring it was Deanna coming to join the crew she turned to greet her but her eyes saw a person in the doorway who was definitely not Deanna. Before she could help herself, Crusher found her eyes narrowing into a glare as she met the gaze of Shondra Howard.

The Ten Forward group all seemed to shrink back into the shadows at the sight. Beverly glared at the girl, and in turn barely half the Doctor's height she glared right back. The only person willing to take on Beverly Crusher's temper was a person who had a temper of equally ferocity.

It was Shondra who spoke first. "I hate you," she muttered just loud enough for the Doctor and anyone in the nearer vicinity of Ten Forward to hear.

Undisturbed Crusher replied, "I'm not too fond of you either at this point in time, young lady."

The girl's eyes blazed with barely bridled fury. "Don't talk like you're better than me! And don't you dare speak to me like you're my mother or something. Don't you dare!"

Crusher took a slow calculated step towards Howard.

"You're too young to be in here Shondra," she hissed warningly, "this lounge is for adults. Go back to your quarters." Her order was low, authoritative and demanded to be obeyed, now.

Shondra placed her hands on her hips, insinuating she had every right to be there as much as Crusher had. "Don't tell me what to do!" Her voice was a high warning tone. "I'm older than you are by centuries. And stop trying to embarrass me. I'll stay here as long as I want," she informed her, "and you won't stop me. You'll stay away from me because I hate you."

Beverly Crusher laughed loudly at that. "If you hate me for that, you'll be in a sorry state indeed a few months down the road." She lowered her voice to a whisper, "I'll be the one attending you when you go into labor. Don't forget I am your doctor."

Apparently the news hit a nerve.

"Shut up!" Shondra screamed at the top of her lungs. Then she threw herself at Crusher, hurtling enough curses and insults to make even Will Riker turn red.

Frozen momentarily with shock most of the crew simply stared. But the senior officers, Worf, Geordi and Riker quickly jumped to their feet to intercede. Worf rushed forward and grabbed Howard, while Riker took a hold of Crusher.

The doctor's face was beet red with rage and shame. How would it look for her to be in a fight with a child? And her own patient on top of that.

"Will," she hissed, "let me go."

"I'd suggest you go back to your quarters for now," he whispered. "At least until we figure out what to do with her," he nodded towards Shondra. He released his grasp and Crusher slipped easily away from him and out the doors looking entirely composed, as if nothing had happened.

Worf however increased his hold on Shondra who was trying to free herself from his grasp at every opportunity. "You're not going anywhere," he informed her scarcely concealing his anger with her for having the nerve to try and injure one of his crewmembers. "Anywhere but to the brig." With that he pulled her forcefully along to the doors.

"The brig?" Will questioned. "Isn't that a bit harsh for-"

"Commander, with all due respect I do not tell you how to run the Enterprise, and you then will honor my judgment to take this insolent child to the brig for attacking an officer."

Will shut his mouth and said no more. Worf was right after all. But, he still didn't like the concept. No matter how quick tempered and outspoken she was, it simply didn't seem right to lock a child away in the brig.

As if hearing his thoughts, Geordi stepped up beside him. "It'll give her some time to cool off sir, and to think. That's what she needs right now. Who knows? Maybe that was her way of testing her limits. You know how teenagers are sir."

Riker nodded grimly. "Yes, I do. But she went way past "pushing her limits" straight on to court martial."

Geordi let out a low whistle and nodded. "Looks like she's going to be more of a case than we thought."

"You got that right."


	15. Chapter 15

First, I really appreciate all the responses. Thank you. Thank you very much!

And, the POV in here is a little messed up. I know that. I just decided to keep it this way:P

Chapter 15

"She did what?" Picard's voice boomed over the comm system.

"She's in the brig now, sir," Worf's voice returned evenly.

Picard balled up his fists in frustration. How could she? Why? What on earth could Beverly have done to make her so angry? Well, it didn't matter, he corrected himself, what the girl did was wrong, period. There was no doubt about that. But she'd seemed so clever and intelligent when he spoke to her during their discussion of Will Riker- he'd really been quite amazed that a girl so young could converse so deftly and with such insight.

After he'd initially apologized for speaking of her kidnapping, the two'd spoken for hours about her history the governments at that time and about the changes in culture. He surmised she was so open because he never framed the questions to her directly, he was simply seeking information in general. And he had to admit, he'd learned a good deal and enjoyed the girl's company. Can't let that get to be a habit, he reminded himself.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Would you like to see her sir?"

"Ah, yes Mr. Worf. I would. But first I'd like to speak with Doctor Crusher on this matter. You may hold the girl there until I arrive, I'll decide what should be done with her at that point. Thank you Mr. Worf."

"Yes, captain," the Klingon replied and closed the link.

"What happened?"

Beverly lifted her gaze from the window of the conference lounge. She hadn't felt like running away to her quarters after the incident, nor did she like the idea of Will Riker telling her what to do, and actually doing it. The view here was nice, and it gave her plenty of room to vent and calm down without anyone actually seeing her. Slowly she turned around to face Jean-Luc. It wasn't the type of conversation she looked forward to having, but it didn't surprise her that he'd tracked her down to talk.

"Jean-Luc," she sighed, "I apologize."

"You damned well better!" He snapped.

Crusher was hurt and surprised. She certainly hadn't expected that sort of reaction.

"What I want to know is, what did you do? What could you possibly have done to make that girl respond to you that way? It obviously was not unprovoked."

"No," she admitted slowly, "it wasn't. We exchanged words and then -well one thing lead to another."

"Beverly, I want to know exactly what happened. If this girl is to being held in the brig need to know details, now."

Surprise registered on the doctor's face.

"Just tell me what happened."

She sat down next to him in a lounge chair with a heavy sigh. "I don't exactly know. What I do know is that both of us were hurt and upset with each other."

"Upset with each other?" Picard interrupted. "What the hell for?"

"That's personal, Jean-Luc. That one will have to fall under doctor patient confidentiality."

"Beverly!" Obviously exasperated he simply stared at her. "That isn't good enough! Why did she attack you?"

"Well, lets just say that my examination of her didn't go well."

She almost choked on the words and flinched as if the words stung her. Obviously she was putting the situation lightly. He wondered still what had occurred, but he didn't press the issue.

"Afterwards we were both rather resentful of one another. I know at my age I shouldn't be, I shouldn't hold any of it against her-" she paused again, "but like I said it was not pleasant."

"After you dropped me off at my quarters I decided to go to Ten Forward and try to unwind before bed. Well no sooner do I step inside than Shondra Howard walks in behind me." Crusher is silent a moment. "We exchanged pleasantries- I'm sure Will or Worf could fill you in on those."

Picard looked at her harshly. "Damn it Beverly- what happened? What did you say that made her so furious that she'd attack you?"

"Jean-Luc, please," she begged," I'd rather not say."

"Beverly!"

"I'm very ashamed of it," she began. "It was childish, I wanted to upset her the way she'd upset me."

"How did she upset you?"

"She said she hated me, sir."

Picard nodded thoughtfully full knowing that his friend's affections were not easily won. And as it had become quite apparent to the crew, himself included that she'd grown attached to the girl- and to have the girl throw it all back in the Doctors face, well it was easy to see why she'd become so upset.

"Did you respond?" He prompted.

"Yes," she muttered, her head lowered to the ground.

A silence fell between them. Picard wasn't about to break it. He waited, knowing that the silence would press Beverly to speak.

"I basically told her that if she hated me- well for what she hated me for in the examination room, that was nothing to be upset about." She faltered again but added with obvious shame and reluctance, "I reminded her that I'd still be her doctor in a few months- when she went into labor."

Picard visibly grimaced and shuddered at the word. The very thought of it made him physically ill. "I see." He cleared his throat uneasily and stood up. "Well, if that's the gist of it, I'll think I'll excuse myself now and speak to Miss Howard."

Beverly rose to her feet as Picard walked from the room. "Captain!"

He turned just as the doors opened for him.

"You aren't going to send her away some where, are you?"

"What do you think? Her offense is against you doctor, your opinion would be greatly appreciated."

"It wasn't exactly her fault sir, we were both to blame- we were both upset. Talk to Troi and see if she'll speak with her and assess her. Then let her go back to her quarters."

Picard smiled and nodded then left.

Shondra Howard was lying on her cot, face to the wall silent, when Picard entered. He pulled up a chair near the force field and settled himself in for a long chat. He expected Shondra to turn towards him at the sound of his entrance, and certainly at the noise of him moving the chair, but she did not. Perhaps she was asleep.

"Shondra?" He asked quietly. There was no response. Louder he added, "It's Captain Picard, I would like to speak with you." He hoped somehow that their past rapport would bring the girl to speak to him, if not that then his authority.

When again she didn't speak, Worf, whom for his silence Picard had nearly forgotten stepped forward.

"She is awake," he informed Picard.

"How can you be certain?" He asked. "She isn't in any position in which you could see her face, and I highly doubt she's made any noise."

Worf shook his head. "She has a very strong will sir. I know she is awake. She is scowling and she is furious. She will not sleep until her spirit is settled. It is most certainly not settled. The child has a very strong will," he repeated, "but she is undisciplined, very undisciplined."

At that, Picard was certain he heard something like a low growl from Shondra. He glanced quickly at Worf who looked at him steadily as if to say, I told you so. He motioned for him to leave them before he spoke again.

"So, you are awake," he announced with some degree of triumph in his voice.

"Stop it." She spat out the order and added, "You're all so full of yourselves and speak to me and about me as if I were a child and couldn't understand a word you said. It makes me sick."

Picard sighed remembering that despite what the girl said she was still a child. No matter she may have traveled 400 years into the future but she hadn't physically experienced more than over a dozen of those years. Physically and mentally she was a child. Although not as irritating as most, this episode excluded, he noted.

"I apologize if any of us gave you that impression, Miss Howard. I for one find you to be a very intelligent young woman. It's quite refreshing actually to have such in depth conversations as we've had. I greatly appreciated your taking the time to discuss your various areas of expertise with me." By that of course, he meant her past, but he'd be damned if he'd slip up so much as to say it.

Shondra let out a loud sigh. "So how long do I have to stay holed up in this place?" She asked, but then continued obviously not expecting a very positive answer. "I probably shouldn't have attacked Doctor Crusher like I did, but she was askin' for it." She paused for a moment. "She just-" she stopped there shaking her head and motioned the irrelevance of continuing with her hand.

Picard nodded, although he knew she wasn't able to see him. "I see. Well, Miss Howard I'd like to have Counselor Troi have a word with you in the morning when we've all gotten some sleep. And, if she believes that you are sincerely apologetic for what you've done and that you have no intentions of doing it again, you will be released."

Rising from the chair he turned and made his way back to the hall. He stopped suddenly and called back to the still unmoved captive, "And by the way, you can't convince her of your regret no matter how clever or intelligent you are," he pointed out. "The counselor's empathic, which means she can read your mental status, your emotions."

Shondra rolled her eyes and scowled as the captain left the room.

!!!!Hidden Chapter!!!!

When she awoke Shondra was surprised to see she'd slept at all. Sitting up she let out a cry of alarm. Deanna Troi was sitting next to her inside the cell.

"How the hell'd you get in here?" She demanded.

"I suppose I could ask the same of you," she answered coolly.

Howard yawned and looked around. There was no one else around, not even the security guards. Damn, she thought.

"Well, what do you want, Ms. Troi?"

Looking slightly surprised, and Shondra noticed offended as well, the counselor stared at Shondra.

"Didn't Captain Picard tell you that I'd be here and why?"

Thinking for a moment she recalled their meeting late last night. "Yeah," she answered, "guess I forgot."

"Well I'd like to talk to you about what happened last night. "And," she added a little reluctantly, "why you're so defensive right now. Where and who you're directing your anger at might also be appropriate."

Shondra remembered Picard mentioning that Troi was her only way out of her prison cell. Be nice to her, she reminded herself. Then she remembered what he'd said about Troi being telepathic- or something like that. Immediately Shondra was on guard. She'd better not read my mind!

Deanna laughed lightly. "I can't read your mind, Shondra. But, I can sense your emotions."

"Then how'd you know what I was thinking?" She demanded.

"I've worked with a lot of people, I've gotten that "look" before. I can tell if you're lying so in the interest of saving time, kindly remember to tell me the truth."

Still wary, Shondra nodded. "So I guess you talked to Doctor Crusher and Riker that guy with the weird eyes, and the mean guy with the weird head, right?"

Troi smiled. "You mean Geordi La Forge and Worf."

Shondra shrugged. "Sure, whatever." "You talked to them all, right?"

Deanna nodded. "So now I want to hear your story."

Shondra just barely kept herself from rolling her eyes. "Sure you do." As she noticed Troi showed zero interest in leaving until she got what she wanted, Shondra reluctantly began. "She pissed me off, and she was doing it on purpose."

"She wanted to upset you?"

"Of course. It was obvious."

"And you didn't want to upset her?"

"Of course I did!"

"And why is that?"

"Because she-" she stopped there.

"It's because of what she had to do to you, isn't it?"

How the hell'd she know that?

"Remember," she continued, "I was there. I was the one that told her to stop."

Howard nodded and looked down at the floor. For a moment she was grateful, but the she didn't know if she should be grateful for the woman trying, or upset because she'd failed... or not tried hard enough.

"I know she was just doing her job, I guess but." she broke off midsentence, realizing that even she couldn't fully explain why she was so upset with Crusher. She just couldn't get beyond the fact that she'd hurt her. And she was furious with her.

Deanna smiled kindly at her. "Would you be as upset if Doctor Selar had performed the examination?"

No. She spat out glaring, concentrating intently on what else she could do to Beverly.

Troi was about to speak and press on, but closed her mouth shocked at the sudden shift in Shondra's emotions. A very strong shift.

"What is it, Shondra?" She asked softly.

The girl didn't respond, instead continued to glare at the floor. Yet even with her face averted, Troi could see a flush of color in Shondra's cheeks. She framed her next question.

"Who are you angry with?"

Shonra was fighting her. She didn't want to cooperate, yet she was also fighting with herself, while at the same time she didn't want to be upset with Beverly, but she was, clearly. Troi realized that Howard wouldn't answer unless she was pushed. Deanna shook her head. Why did she have to fight everything? Everyone? Troi sighed inwardly. She knew. Not that she liked it, but she knew. And it didn't make her job any easier.

"Answer the question Shondra."

There was stronger resistance. To her now.

"Shondra," Deanna feigned annoyance, "I do have patients to see today. I don't have all day to wait for you."

Howard's head snapped up and the brief look of shock almost made the councelor laugh aloud. At least the egocentrism of a child is there yet. That says something. But Troi continued as if noticing none of this.

"Who is it that you are upset with?" She asked, forcefully.

Shondra pursed her lips and glared. "You!" She yelled. "At you!"

SHe shook her head. Not primarily. She had to get her patient past this.

"No you're not."

"How do you know? You don't know me! How dare you say I'm not mad at you when you're not me! You don't know who I'm mad at!

"Then tell me!" She shouted back. "Tell me who you're mad at!"

And that was it. The button had been pressed. Shondra wanted to hit her.

Deanna held up a hand to belay the motion. "Why are you mad at me? I didn't do anything."

"No shit!" She stepped closer to Troi. " You didn't do anything! You didn't stop her!"

"Who?"

"Beverly!"

"SHe's the one that hurt you, why aren't you mad at her?"

"I AM!" She screamed. "God, you're so stupid!"

Troi could feel Shondra's adrenaline dropping. But if she didn't do something to help dissipate some of the anger now that she actually got Shondra to admit to some of it (she had to take what she could get), she had to do something to keep Shondra from staying so upset that she'd hit Beverly again. So, She shifted the conversation backward.

" What if Dr. Selar had performed your examination? Just think about it for a moment, Shondra. Would it have made a difference?"

Silently she thought over the counselor's strange question. "Well, it wouldn't surprise me if she did," she replied her words icy with rage," I'd almost expect her to anyways, she doesn't seem like the nicest person."

"So you're saying if Selar had performed the exact same examination on you, you wouldn't be as upset as you are with Crusher?"

"No."

"You wouldn't expect Doctor Crusher to hurt you because she's nice?"

"Right," Shondra replied. "Well, she was," she added sullenly.

Deanna nodded silently .

"So," she began slowly, "when Doctor Crusher hurt you you felt disappointed, almost betrayed- is that right?"

Shondra shrugged. "Maybe," her answer was defiant in tone.

"Betrayed why?"

She closed off then. Closed off completely. Deanna shook her head worn out. Just like the first times, she'd take up a one sided conversation answering her own question.

Deanna nodded. "And when you saw her later that day in Ten Forward, you were still feeling hurt and resentful- you wanted Doctor Crusher to feel the same way."

Shondra just stared at her. But at least now, her eyes weren't blank. What she was holding back, shielding herself from was visible in every nuance of her body.

Troi broke the silence again. "You wanted to hurt her the way she'd hurt you," she muttered softly.

Deanna placed her hand softly on the girl's shoulder as she stood up, knowing the session was over. "And what if I told you that Doctor Crusher was just as upset about the examination as you were? That she hated to hurt you?"

Shondra blinked twice as her only response. Her body remained rigid, seemingly unresponsive and uncaring. It was all a facade, but for whatever reason Shondra seemed to need it. Now wasn't the time to address that. Her many wounds whatever they were would take much time to heal or reveal themselves. So, Troi began walking away, speaking as she did,

"All she wanted was to help you, to take care of you. She looked upon you as a sort of daughter-figure. She's very protective of you," she added. The counselor stopped at the threshold of the cell and turned back to her patient.

"Do you know how much it hurt her to hear you say that you hated her?"


	16. Chapter 16

My gym terminology is off, so sorry. I can't do the stuff anymore, so my brain forgot the names! And you lurkers had better fess up, jump in and review! And that whole money thing, pff, whatever. And yes there are a few words and phrases that have been inserted on request. I can't put in everyone's stuff or it'd be way long. So review folks! Especially, well YOU know who you are. I'm not even going to say it. But you know.

Chapter 16

"And this is a back round off!" She grinned wide before jumping flipping and twisting backward in midair landing on her feet again perfectly balanced on the tiny sliver of wood.

Wesley gaped openly. "And you do this without any sort of anti-gravity protection? Nothing to hold you up- or catch you if you fall?"

She shrugged one shoulder up. "That's what the mat's for."

Wes eyed it skeptically. "It's not much."

"And this is a cartwheel into a backflip!" She flipped sideways then backward.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The sudden interuption made Shondra jerk her upraised arms further behind herself, which was just enough momentum for her upper body to fall backward and her heels to slip forward so that in no time she fell downward and landed flat on her-

Wesley looked at Shondra straddling the beam. "Ouch," he whispered. Shondra just bit her lip and glared at Beverly.

Wesley turned to his mom. "Shondra was just showing me-"

"I know what she was doing!" Beverly snapped, her voice crackling with rage.

"You, go home." She pointed to the door she'd entered through, and waited for him to obey. "Under no circumstances are you to be in the holosuite with Shondra Howard!" As soon as he was gone, she turned her attention back to Shondra.

"You get down from there immediately!"

"Okay!" Shondra feigned a grin of joy and half rolled herself off the beam onto the floor.

Beverly rushed over to her and grabbed her by the arm.

"Ow!" She tried to pull away at the tight grip, but Beverly only clamped down harder.

"You are coming with me," she hissed. "I can't believe you would do something like this!"

"It was fun!"

Beverly ignored her, continuing to led Shondra out of the holosuite and down the corridor as she spoke. "Of all the inane reckless things to do- after all you've been through? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

Shondra sighed in exasperation. "It's not hard. I know what I'm doing. I just wanted to see if I still could do my routines-"

"I don't care! You had no safety precautions in place. If you fell from that height you could have easily broken a bone or worse!" Crusher stopped then, seemingly angrier than before and whipped out her tricorder. "And speaking of which," she glanced down at Shondra then immediately scanned her. In an instant she flipped the device shut and frowned at Howard. "Well, at least you didn't break it," she hissed.

Shondra rolled her eyes. "Actually there is one where you're supposed to land like that. And even if that kind of land isn't intentional- like say, when you're interupted in the middle of a routine," she added pointedly, "you know how to reduce the impact."

Beverly ignored her patient's intentional jibe and snorted in disdain. "Reduced it? ANd that's why you can barely walk?"

Shondra just glared at her.

Deanna passed them in the corridor along the way. Long before seeing them she knew they were there. She could sense each distinct presence Beverly full of fear- with rage trying to mask it, and Shondra full of fear as well as deep sense of sadness.

Beverly stopped Deanna mid stride and hissed in indignation, "Gymnastics! She was actually doing gymnastics in the holodeck!"

Deanna sighed. Beverly had not waited for a response, and Troi knew she'd wanted none, simply to vent her anger and attempt to shame Shondra. Distressed, Deanna changed course. Instead of heading to the holodeck to work out she went straight back to her quarters to make a subspace call.

"Mother, I really don't know what else we can do with her."

_"Well, what about not denying her the freedoms that other children her age are allowed? My goodness, I can hear that poor child's screams all the way from here!"_

"That wasn't my idea," she answered her mother's original statement. "And it's a medical order, for her own good!" She insisted. "And you're not supposed to do that!"

Mrs. Troi feigned shock. _"I am a Betazed, Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed."_ With a flourish and raise of the head she added, _"I can do whatever I want."_

_"Besides,"_ she added, _"it is a mother's perogative to check in on her children, and whomever else she may have concern for."_

"You're not supposed to telepathically eavesdrop on-"

_"Don't worry Deanna,"_ she winked, _"I trust you. I don't have to look in on you too often."_

"That is what sub-space is for, Mother."She glared.

The elder Troi brushed this concern away with a regal wave of her hand. _"Sub-space can't tell you everything."_

Deanna could only look exasperated.

_"But you, Little One," _she turned the topic back seriously all amusement gone, _"you are not strong enough to deal with this,"_ she nodded in Deanna's direction. _"You have always been a sensitive girl, and your powers aren't as strong as they might be. You and that girl shouldn't even be on the same ship when she' being-"_

"Don't even say it Mother!" Deanna hissed.

Mrs. Troi held both hands up. _"What else can I say? That's what it is, isn't it? For heaven's sakes, you act as though I don't know perfectly well what is happening to that child right now, as well as though I were in that room. And for no good reason either,"_ she muttered bitterly.

Her gaze rose up again and she looked imploringly at Deanna. _"Deanna you are not strong enough-"_ she stopped mid-sentence, dumbstruck, then after a moment sighed in relief.

_"I see you had the sense to order an inhibitor."_

Deanna smiled amused. "Dr. Selar sent over an application the moment the two of them reached Sick Bay."

_"I'm glad someone on that ship has got some brains!"_ She glared pointedly at the screen, then shifted gears. _"But now that that concern is delt with, let me continue."_

The councelor sighed. "Please do, Mother."

Mrs. Troi continued, _"It is something to consider. The life she's leading is a miserable one. No wonder she wants to die,"_ she commented nonchalantly.

"Mother!"

"_Well little one, what's the point of living a life deprived of life itself? Of freedom and happiness? A life without substance without joy and purpose cannot really be called life, now can it?"_

"We don't deny her happiness! You're making it seem as if we're purposefully trying to make her life miserable! We're merely trying to keep her safe."

_"The distinction is a fine one_," the elder Troi commented.

"Will you help me or not?"

"_Tell me Deanna, what have you learned about this girl?"_

Troi thought for a moment remembering all the conversations she'd had with the girl, what she'd observed and what people like Will Riker and Beverly Crusher had said about her.

"Well," she began, " she's very protective of herself. She's a very private person, and with good reason. But, she also be very outspoken- when she speaks at all, and has no qualms about voicing her opinions through words or actions, like attacking a young ensign or the ship's Chief medical officer."

_"Do you think that she's capable of caring for herself?"_

The question wasn't what the counselor had expected. Still she answered honestly. "Yes, I'm certain that she can. Surviving thus far with such odds against her is certainly a testimony to that."

Mrs. Troi nodded. _"Then why not let her take care of herself? It's obvious that she does not need any of you tagging along after her or keeping tabs on her medical condition. Leave her alone and let her engage herself with you when she pleases."_

"I don't think Beverly'll go for that."

"_ So you let her deal with it Little One, because it is no longer your problem, if you adhere to what I've just told you. You have done your job and in keeping your distance from her, you'll be continuing to do your job. Let that doctor of yours deal with the problem she's created."_

"What problem have I created?!" Beverly Crusher demanded.

She and Troi were seated in a far section of Ten Forward the next day. Troi was enjoying her usual ice cream sundae, while Crusher was picking at a fruit filled crepe. Stabbing at it, to be more accurate.

"She feels that you made a bad decision in restricting Shondra's activities."

'Well just what am I supposed to do? If Lwaxana Troi wants to attend to the medical needs of this child, she can be my guest! But until then, until she'll have to deal with the consequences, I'll make the medical decisions around here."

"What's this about Lwaxana Troi?" Will Riker joined the two sitting down in the nearest chair. "Deanna, you're not thinking of bringing her here again, are you?"

Deanna smiled at him. "Will, she says she wouldn't come back here unless her life depended on it."

"Well, that's nice to know," he smiled.

Deanna smiled and shook her head at Will's sarcasm. Beverly simply laughed.

"So, who's up for a game of poker tonight?" he asked.

Beverly eyed the look on his face suspiciously. "With that face, I'd say you're already eagerly planning on winning."

Riker grinned shamelessly. "Guilty as charged."

_"Um, mom?"_ Wesley's voice came over Crusher's comm badge. Looking slightly annoyed at the interruption she answered the call. "What is it, Wes?"

_"Are you busy?"_

"Wes, what do you want?" Her tone conveyed clearly her annoyance.

_"Well, I just want to know what's wrong with Shondra."_

"What?"

_"She was going to teach me to play a game she knew of, baseball,"_ he explained, "_ but now she says she can't. That she wants to but she can't."_ He cleared his throat slightly and added, _"Does this have anything to do with why you were so upset with her the other day? Is there something wrong with her?"_

Beverly sighed and looked to her friends for ideas. Both simply looked back at her. "Well Wes, I can't tell you much. Simply that she isn't well enough to engage in any physical activities."

_"But mom,"_ he protested, " _she was fine the other day! You saw all that stuff she did- well, some of it, and she's in really good shape. Mom, she's fine."_

"Wesley!" She snapped. "If I say she's not well enough then damn it she isn't!"

_"But why isn't she?"_

"That isn't for me to discuss with you Wes, and I'd suggest that you not try to pursue the issue any further with Shondra. And if by chance I catch the two of you anywhere near a holodeck again you're going to be very sorry."

She broke off her link abruptly and took a long gulp of coffee.

"I'm glad I'm not a parent!" Will laughed.

Beverly grinned, glanced at Deanna who was also smiling and answered, "So are we, Will. So are we." Both women laughed.

"Well, you never answered my question ladies. Would you care to play a game or not? Both Data and Geordi have signed on for the deal."

Deanna shrugged, "I suppose so, but I'll have to leave early. I have an appointment in the morning," she explained.

"I'd love to," Beverly offered, "and I'm off duty tomorrow, so I believe I'll stay just late enough to clear you all out and leave. Then I'll spend tomorrow morning spending my newly acquired funds."

Will smiled happy to have the chance to beat two more innocent victims. "I'm sorry Doctor, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. It is I as always that will emerge the victor."

"We'll see Will," she answered.

Riker glanced at the door and then at Beverly. "My guess is that Shondra and Wesley are in the holodeck as we speak."

Beverly's eyebrows shot up.

"Will!" Deanna chastised, "that isn't nice! Beverly told them both that they weren't to go into the holodecks."

"She told Shondra that she couldn't," Will admitted, "and she told Wesley that he and Shondra could not, but she said nothing about Wesley going alone."

Beverly rolled her eyes. "Will! Don't be ridiculous! Of course Wesley can go on his own! I just don't want Shondra there! She knows that!" She shook her head at the First Officer's lack of reticence. "Besides, what would even make you think that they'd go there together?"

"Because it's what I'd do," he explained. "Making something forbidden makes it even more enjoyable."

Both Deanna and Beverly shook their heads emphatically.

"I'd place a bet on it," he added seriously.

Annoyed Beverly threw up her hands. "Fine! Then go Will and see what they're up to! If you're that keen on their being there, why don't you go and find out?"

Will rose, bowed to the women and made his way to the doors.

"And don't bother reporting your findings," Beverly added.

Inwardly Riker smiled at Beverly's anger. In truth it was fun to push the woman's buttons. It really was fun to make her angry. Plus, he'd have the added satisfaction of being right.

He strode easily down the corridors mentally planning on what lecture he'd force the kids to listen to once he found them in the holodeck playing baseball. He assumed that is that it would be baseball, since that was what Wesley had set his heart on. He was as certain as Wesley was that the girl was very fit and that a little activity would do her no harm. After all, what else was she supposed to do? Stay in her quarters all day?

He entered an empty turbo-lift and waited patiently for it to stop at its destination. He knew he could have easily had the computer locate the two but he reasoned that would take all the fun out of it.

The turbo lift doors opened and Riker with easy confidence strode out. He went to the first holodeck doors and could see easily from the panel that it was indeed Wesley and Shondra inside of them. He laughed lightly imagining the look on Beverly's face when she found out. A feeling of triumph came over him just thinking about it. It's better than poker.

As he opened the holodeck doors, he was prepared to duck for cover, should any baseballs come straight at him. But there were no baseballs. There was no baseball field. In fact there was no holodeck program running at all. All he saw were the checkered blue walls of the holodeck itself. Where are they, he wondered.

His eyes scanned around the room then stopped. Riker's eyes widened in shock and clumsily he backed out of the holodeck.

He leaned against the corridor wall shaking is head in disbelief. Then he hit his comm badge.

"Uh, Beverly," he called out, " I think you'll want to hear about this."

Shondra was still laughing at the prank she and Wesley had pulled on Riker as she walked into her quarters.

How stupid can you be? She wondered.

Whisper meowed softly and curled around her ankles. Shondra bent down and picked the kitten up, cuddling the kitty to her cheek.

Shondra knew someone would come after them, she just assumed it would be Beverly. After all, the doctor knew her well enough to know she didn't take no for an answer. And so of course they'd played some baseball- but only for a few minutes, just enough to hit the ball once and run a few bases. They both knew they'd be found out.

Wesley'd tried to ask her why she wasn't allowed to play baseball or use the holodeck, but of course he got no answer from her. She wasn't about to tell, she didn't even want to admit it to herself.

After turning the program off, she came up with an idea that would take anyone's mind off of the possibility that they'd been running any sort of program. Something that would shock the idea right out of them. Wesley was reluctant of course, but Shondra'd be damned if she'd let the insecurities and doubts of one dumb kid ruin her chance to have fun. They rigged the computer to tell them when someone was approaching, and once the announcement came, Shondra pinned Wesley against the nearest wall and kissed him as though she were madly in love with him.

Of course she couldn't see who'd entered the room, but she heard the doors swish open. She tried very hard not to laugh and hoped Wesley wouldn't. It was only after the doors'd shut and whoever it was had left the entire deck that Wesley informed her that his mother hadn't been in the room, Will Riker had been. Shondra immediately burst out laughing.

Naturally she knew that Wesley being the wimp that he was, would tell his mother of their prank the first chance he got. But for her part, she'd keep her mouth shut. Let them think what they want to, she reasoned.

Smiling she walked over to the bathroom. I think a nice hot bath and a cup of hot chocolate is what I need now, she thought, and then I'll go to bed and get some sleep. After all this work, I deserve it.

Shondra turned on hot water to fill the tub, instead of the sonic shower which she hated. Then she walked over to the food replicator and ordered a cup of hot chocolate, not too hot, but just hot enough.

_"Shondra?"_

She rolled her eyes. What does he want? She wondered. And why does he have to bother me now just when I'm trying to relax? Maybe he has some sort of radar, she concluded.

"What is it, Wes?" She demanded. " You calling to tell me how you blabbed like a baby to your mommy and now she's mad at you?" She could almost hear the bubble of Wesley's excitement pop.

_"I wouldn't put it that way,"_ he answered dejectedly.

"Well, I would."

_"I just wanted to tell you I didn't say anything. When I got home Mom just demanded to know what was going on. Commander Riker told her everything."_

"Gee, Wes I'm shaking," she laughed. " So you fessed up and spoiled all the fun?"

_"Why do you have to do that all the time?"_

"DO what?"

_"Be so negative and cynical about everything."_

" Uh, because my life sucks?" SHe offered. " And, I'm not cynical," she answered evenly hoping she was close with the words meaning, "I just tell the truth. If that bothers you then deal with it. I'm just more mature than you are Wesley and I don't have time for word games or beating around the bush. I don't paint pretty pictures, I just tell it like it is."

_"Well it's depressing."_

"You're the one who's depressing! You spoiled everything! You could've let your mom think we were having some sort of torrid affair, but you had to ruin it! It would've been fun too," she added quietly, " I can tell no one on this ship's had fun in a long long time. It would have been nice to spice up everyone's dull life with such a piece of juicy gossip."

_"You're just mad that you're not allowed to do anything!"_ He shot back. _"And, how do you even know I told her anything?"_ He demanded.

"Because I know you Wes. You're what's known as a wet blanket." There was a moment of pause before she added, "Ever seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off?" She scoffed. "You are so Cameron!"

_"A what?"_

She groaned in exasperation and rolled her eyes. "A party- pooper, dead weight, loser, boring. Basically a prude, an uptight prude. You don't know how to have fun."

_"I'll talk to you later,"_ he muttered and closed his comm link.

Laughing, Shondra grabbed her hot chocolate and headed back to the bathroom. "He's gonna go pout," she announced still laughing. "What a baby!"

She turned off the water, which was sufficiently high now and placed the mug on the side of the tub. She took down her pony tail then bent down to unzip her boots. "Loser," she muttered.

Just then an excruciating pain racked through her body. Too overcome and knocked breathless by pain to even utter a single cry, Shondra crumpled to the ground limp and lay motionless. When she could even muster a gasping breath she called out to the computer, "Shondra Howard to Doctor Crusher."

_"Crusher here," _came the doctor's response.

"Beverly," she moaned piteously, "help."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Sick Bay was unusually quiet that evening, but to Beverly it seemed as if the whole unit was racing with activity. She was at least. Constantly she rushed around looking up files and medical texts, anything to fool herself into thinking that she was doing everything for Shondra, when in fact she was truly only fooling herself. There was nothing that could be done for the girl except to keep her company and try to keep her fears in check. Her fears were substantial, and unfortunately they were quite accurate.

Beverly'd found Shondra lying on the floor of the bath unit next to a mug of cocoa and a tub full of hot water. Oddly enough it was precisely what Crusher'd been planning on herself once the poker game was finished; but then she'd received the girl's call. She knelt next to Shondra who was nearly unconscious with pain cradled her into her arms as though she were a small child and rushed with her into sickbay. The thoughts of what lay ahead were not pleasant.

"Doctor," Selar's soft voice brought Crusher out of her thoughts, "I don't think it best for you to be here."

"Shondra is my patient," she answered firmly.

"You've become far too attached to her to take charge of this situation objectively."

"Situation?" She cried. "This situation is a very frightened girl in an incredible amount of pain! She's a living being, not some "problem" to be swept under the rug!"

Selar simply stared at her superior and said nothing.

Crusher shrugged. "I suppose you're right." A look that Crusher could swear was triumph seemed to cross the Vulcan's face then vanished the next instant. Beverly saw her opportunity and countered, "But I'm not going to leave her. She is still my patient, and objective or not I'm responsible for her. I will take care of her."

"Doctor, you are currently off duty, and tomorrow is your day off," Selar insisted.

"Yes," she agreed easily, "it is. And that means I may spend it as I see fit."

The Vulcan nodded.

"And I see fit to spend it with Shondra." Crusher rose from her seat and made her way back to the isolation chamber where Shondra was to give birth. Selar stepped back, defeated, and let her superior pass.

"If you need me Dr Crusher, I will be tending to patients."

Beverly turned around and forced a smile. The idea of entering back into the chamber with Shondra seemed to have drained her of positivity. I have to be strong for her sake, she reminded herself. She broadened her smile somewhat and replied sincerely, "Thank you, Doctor. I know that you will more than adequately care for the needs of this ship while I am otherwise disposed."

Selar nodded curtly then turned and walked back into the main compound of Sickbay.

Alone in the hall way Crusher sighed, gathered her courage and stepped into the isolation chamber.

Shondra Howard's wide eyes greeted her as she walked inside.. Crusher hurried quickly to the girl's side and sat down wrapping her arms carefully around her.

"Any more pains?" She asked.

"No," Shondra whispered, her eyes wide with fear. No, terror.

Beverly pursed her lips and exhaled through her nose. I hate this, she thought. She took another deep breath in through her nose, slowly exhaling through her mouth. I'm a physician, she thought, I can do this. I will do this. I have no choice. Then she shook herself. Beverly, that's weak! You have no choice? There's always a choice. And you chose and still choose to stay with Shondra. You don't have the luxury to be weak or the right to be afraid- you have to be strong for her! Crusher pursed her lips again and nodded to herself. But I don't have to like it.

"Shondra, we need to talk about some things." And oh, how she wished she had spoken to her about this sooner. Why hadn't she? Oh yes, because she had been weak and childish holding Shondra's words against her. Great, Beverly, just great.

"First, I really need to apologize to you, for my behavior towards you. Especially about what happened in Ten Forward. I shouldn't have said those things."

To her surprise, Shondra didn't spit back a comment like, "You're right, you shouldn't have." Shondra said nothing at all. She must really be scared, Beverly thought. And unfortunately, what I'm about to say isn't going to make her feel any better.

Again, you should have spoken to her about this before, Beverly's conscience reminded.

"I'm not sure how much Dr. Selar has told you about this-"

"About what?" She asked.

"About labor," Beverly answered.

Shondra blinked. "Well, nothing," she answered back in a tone that said that should have been obvious. "She said you would later." She shrugged then. "All she said was that I was pregnant." Her mouth puckered in disgust at the word. Then she casually glanced up at the ceiling as if searching for more. "I pretty much tuned her out after that," she finished.

"Oh." Crap.

Beverly sank down next to Shondra and again, forced a smile. You dug this hole for yourself, Beverly, her conscience reminded her. Shut up, she told it.

"Well," she licked her lips and swallowed hard, her lips and throat as well suddenly feeling parched.

Shondra just stared at her.

She swallowed again.

Looking very concerned, Shondra grabbed the glass of water that was intended for her own use, and handed it to Beverly.

"You don't look so good," she observed, as Beverly took a sip. She took the glass back from her, and looked at her more warily.

"You're not about to give me the Sex Talk, are you?" Shondra questioned, now looking genuinely distressed by the Doctor's behavior.

Crusher chuckled softly. Wonderful, she thought to herself, way to look like a calm professional physician.

"No, Shondra, I'm not," she assured her.

"You're positive? Cuz, you look like you're about to spew chunks or something. And the only time I know that adults get that worried about having to talk about something, is when they're gonna talk about sex."

Beverly gave a genuine laugh then. "I promise." She answered. She swallowed again and let out a deep breath. "But I do need to talk to you about a few things."

Shondra looked even more wary. Beverly quickly continued before the girl could voice any objections.

"As your doctor, I am going to have to do some things to you that.." well don't beat around the bush on this one, just say it. No euphemisms, nothing. Just tell her.

"some things that will be painful," she finished. "I don't enjoy having to do them, but they are things that are medically necessary."

A stricken look crossed Shondra's characteristically stoic face and Beverly was struck with the urge to call the girl's mother- until she remembered that her mother was dead- and that she Beverly Crusher was the girl's serogant.

"Is there any way to make it not? Or something that you can do to make it stop?" The echo of agonizing pain flickered in her eyes as she looked hopefully up at Crusher.

Sadly Beverly shook her head. "No Shondra," she began slowly, "there isn't. There isn't anything we can do but wait."

Just then the monitor beeped. Beverly scarcely had a chance to glance up at it before Shondra gasped in pain and lay stiffly on the bed. Beverly saw the panic stricken look in her eyes and also that she was holding her breath. She closed her eyes already envisioning what a difficult time they were both going to have.

She grasped Shondra's hand tightly with one hand and received a very strong squeeze in response. Then she put her other hand on the girl's forehead.

"Breathe Shondra," she reminded her. "I don't need you to end up unconscious on me."

With visible effort the girl took a shaky breath and exhaled a whimpering sigh, followed by long low moans of pain. Shondra's face was flushed red and crinkled into an expression of agonized misery.

Beverly frowned and grasped her hand tighter. "I know you're scared Shondra," she whispered, "but I'm right here with you. It hurts, I know it hurts, but it's going to stop soon, in just a few more seconds. Just keep breathing."

Shondra stared at the doctor as if she were the connection between life and death. She wants me to help her, Beverly thought heartbroken, and I can't do anything. Not a damned thing. Beverly simply kept looking straight back at the girl gripping her hand tightly and running her other soothingly over her forehead, little shushing soothing sounds emanating from her throat. For all the good it's doing, she thought grimly.

The contraction ended and Shondra gasped for breath tears streaming down both her cheeks.

"It's okay Shondra," Crusher tried to soothe her, "it's over now, you're all right."

Recovered enough from the pain but still terrified from the trauma of it, Shondra began to sob. Quickly Beverly took the girl in her arms and held her.

"I want my mom!" She cried. "I can't take this! I'm gonna die!"

"You are not going to die!" Beverly corrected immediately. "It'll be over soon and you'll be fine."

Shondra moaned fearfully choking back sobs and answered, "It hurts so much! It hurts!" She buried her head into Beverly's shoulder and continued to sob.

Beverly held the girl's shaking frame, rubbing her back slowly. "Shh, it's okay," she whispered. "It's going to be all right."  
Wild desperation seized the girl and she sat up straighter taking a hold of Beverly firmly. Her body tensed then and she dug her fingers into Crushers arms. "But you've got to do something," she insisted," you have to! I can't- it was just so." she faltered the memory of a pain unlike any other she'd ever experienced came back to her. Shondra shuddered, sickened with the reality of it. "It was so bad," she whispered," I don't know if I can do this- if it's- it's going to be like that again, that bad."

Tensed as if ready for a physical fight or blow, Beverly was sick realizing that no matter how strong the girl was or how used she was to fighting opponents, this was something that she couldn't fight, couldn't defend herself against.She couldn't defend herself against what she must only see as the brutalizing actions of her own body.

"Do you know when it's going to happen again?" Shondra asked tentatively at the same time her eyes begged as plainly as any words that she wanted the doctor to help her to get her out of this situation.

Beverly glanced quickly at the monitors and shrugged. "We can somewhat, but since this isn't exactly a typical birth, there's no saying what we should expect."The word birth made Shondra twitch in much the same way the word civilian did with Captain Picard..

Her heart went out to the girl. More than anything she wanted to relieve Shondra's pain, but it simply wasn't possible. Aside from a localized heating pad or perhaps in the very worst moments a glass of true alcohol there was no kind of pain relief that could be administered, she wasn't even certain she could pull off giving the girl alcohol. But the most disheartening part was that Shondra didn't seem to realize that the beginning of labor was extremely easy and the least painful. Unfortunately the pains would only increase in intensity as time went on.

In an attempt to take Shondra's mind off her current situation, Beverly decided to bring up the incident Riker had informed her of earlier that day.

"So, I hear you're in love with my son," she began, "is that right?"

"What?" She demanded, lifting her head from Beverly's shoulder and giving the doctor a crazed look.

Beverly laughed loudly for a few moments at the very thought. "Well that's what Will Riker said."

"He did not!" She objected. "And you know it!"

"But you were kissing," she prompted.

"It was a joke!" Shondra insisted.

"Of course it was Shondra, whatever you say." She smiled.

"It was!"

Beverly laughed lightly and put her arm around Shondra's shoulder. "I know it was, Wesley told me about it."

Shondra frowned. "He could have let you believe it, let everyone believe it. It would have been interesting at least."

"You'd actually consider dating my son?"

With a disgusted face Shondra answered, "No! Never!" She remembered whom she was talking to and reddened slightly with embarrassment. "I mean, I'm not his type."

"You got that right!" She laughed.

"What do you mean?" Shondra demanded, obviously slightly offended.

"I know my son, Shondra. The two of you would drive each other nuts. In fact being friends as you are, you already drive each other nuts." She grinned easily at the girl and gave her a light hug. "But I do appreciate the two of your trying to bring some fun to this ship. I realize it gets dull at times."

"At times?" She scoffed.

Beverly glanced seriously at her and she added, "It does, at times."

She was silent then, sensing that perhaps a half hearted attempt at joviality wasn't the best recourse for this particular situation. She waited instead until Shondra spoke again; and she didn't have to wait long.

Beverly'd had her eyes on the bio monitor for some time, so when another contraction came she wasn't as surprised as she'd been the last time. Unfortunately it shocked the hell out of poor Shondra who, as before, tensed up every muscle in her body and held her breath.

"Shondra, you can yell- scream if you want to- I know how much this hurts."

Shondra merely opened her eyes that had been screwed tightly shut in pain and looked at Beverly as if to say, yeah, sure you do. But just as quickly Shondra closed her eyes again and shook her head pursing her lips tightly as the pain intensified.

Beverly frowned and shook her patient ever so slightly. "Shondra, you need to breathe! If you hold your breath like that you'll pass out!"

But the girl lay motionless and unbreatheing on the bed. The only physical change she made was to cinch her eyes shut tighter.

Frantic thinking of the damage the girl could do to herself if she didn't learn how to deal with her pain, Beverly quickly jabbed three fingers into the soft flesh beneath Shondra's ribcage. As expected a burst of air came out of Shondra's mouth and with it all the cries of pain the girl had been fighting so hard to keep inside. The scene reminded Crusher of her first encounter with the girl once she'd regained consciousness screaming in agony on the bio bed under restraints.

Shondra writhed and squirmed in pain, trying to free herself from it. It was difficult for Crusher to hold her at all.

"That's it, that's a girl, good girl," she soothed, hearing Shondra's gasps and sobs while she tried not to start crying herself. "You're going to be fine," she held her in both arms, rocking slightly back and forth, "you're doing great, Shondra."

As soon as that contraction ended and Shondra'd caught her breath sufficiently, she glared at Beverly.

"How do people do this all the time? Are they that dumb?"

Beverly was slightly offended for a moment, until she realized that the girl had no idea what she was talking about, she was simply looking at the element of pain, not what initially created a child in the first place or the joy of raising a child that made the pain all worth it. She didn't have that luxury.

"I mean once I can understand," she continued, I mean you make a mistake and learn from it, but the people that have like two or three or six? That's beyond stupid- that's just crazy!"

Beverly turned a laugh into a cough but could help smiling broadly when Shondra looked up at her.

"You don't believe me, do you?" She asked seriously.

Beverly could only smile, biting her lip to keep from bursting out laughing.

But she really didn't need to answer, as Shondra continued quickly.

"Well you've only had one anyways, so that's no big deal. At least you were smart."

"What?" Crusher demanded.

"Well you just had Wesley, you learned from your mistake. I mean some people just do it over and over again."

Beverly knew Shondra was referring to the pain of childbirth but couldn't help laughing aloud. "Shondra having a child isn't a mistake!"

The girl rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Ask any woman that while she's in labor and see what she says."

"Shondra!"

"Oh sure, they can't say that after it's born or they'd seem like bad mothers and all that junk, but it's true. Who would actually want to go through this?"

There's no point in arguing with her, Crusher knew and simply sighed in defeat. "Well," she answered wryly, "I'm glad to see you're in such a good mood about it."

Shondra simply rolled her eyes again and shook her head.

Hours later Shondra simply lay on the bio bed limp with pain. Instead of trying to fight against it, Shondra'd given in entirely.

Beverly alternately paced the room held Shondra's hand or cradled the girl's exhausted body against her strong one, but never once did she leave her alone, despite Selar's repeated calls to her to take a break. If Shondra can't take a break, Beverly reasoned, then neither can I. It wouldn't be fair.

Beverly held her now, near tears, but as a doctor there was no way she'd let herself lose control in that way. But, she thought, if I were her mother I'd be crying buckets by now.  
Ever so slowly, Shondra turned her head until her eyes met Beverly's. The girl's face was gray with pain. "I'm so tired," she whispered hoarsely.

Shondra was shuddering hard, and had thrown up twice in the past hour, both common symptoms of the transitive stage of labor. Beverly kept her well hydrated, but, she thought grimly, all the good that did seemed to be in giving her more water to use in making tears. She'd stopped crying as a response to pain and fears hours ago, choosing instead of scream and bellow, but upon the onset and admittedly frightening symptoms of labor, she'd begun anew, and with fervor. After grappling with one of her newer more intense pains, when instead of feeling relief, she felt nauseated. Then, without much further warning, promptly threw up the light breakfast Beverly had given her. At which point she started sobbing like a child, actually expressing shame that she'd 'thrown up all over the place'. Even when Beverly demonstrated how easily it was cleaned up, the girl continued to cry.Frightening symptoms, even when she had told Shondra that they might occur.

Crusher's brow furrowed in concern as she reached automatically for the glass of cold water she kept at the bedside. Lifting it to the girl's lips so she could drink, Beverly wondered if it would be wise to tell her what time it was, and how long she'd been in labor for. It was already eight o clock in the morning and Crusher's day shift had just begun- officially that is. Howard had been in sickbay for over twelve hours. Twelve heart wrenching mind numbing hours. Beverly knew without a doubt that this pain, the duration of labor even had been calculated, perhaps even programed in somehow. This torture device sickened her. The sad thing was that as slow as things were going, Crusher knew Shondra'd be in labor for at least another six to ten hours, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. She wasn't about to give her a Cesarean without drugs. Not if she could at all help it.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Will Riker was on edge. He didn't know why exactly, but he could guess, and it annoyed him. He suspected that it had something to do with Shondra Howard, mainly, that he actually had gotten attached to the kid, as annoying as she was. He shrugged and smiled slightly, she was just…. Mischievous. He could easily imagine adults thinking the same of him at that age. Although they hadn't used the word mischievous in his case.

In the middle of their poker game, which Will was quite close to winning and right after Crusher'd expressed joy at not having to work in the morning the call came in from Shondra Howard. He just sat there and watched the color drain right out of the doctor's face. She'd been looking forward to the game and to enjoying her "spending money" as she'd put it. The call was entirely unexpected.

She stood up immediately and tried to laugh it off saying that most of a doctors' work is unexpected. But it couldn't disguise the look of fear on her face. Straight-away Deanna offered to go with her, but Crusher brushed off the offer ordering her instead to go to Sickbay immediately and get a sedative and go to bed.

So, Deanna and Beverly left.

Granted he and Shondra had never really connected in any way, but he knew from his encounters with her that she was a very stubborn and prideful person and probably not used to fighting battles that she couldn't win, nor did she like to be put in a position where she was vulnerable. He shook his head and wondered how Shondra and Beverly planned on bearing it.

The poker game dispersed shortly after that neither feeling in the mood for any type of further enjoyment. As Riker was preparing to go to bed he called Deanna to see how she was doing.

"I'm just fine Will," she answered sleepily, "Dr Selar just gave me a sedative injection and a cerebral-" she yawned, "a cerebral." she yawned again. "Well some sort of injection that deactivates my empathic sensitivities."

"Must have had a hard time talking you into that," Will commented. As often as she'd spoken about the burdens of her gift, he knew that Deanna would be almost incapacitated without them.

"Selar explained that unless I wanted to hear Shondra's screams in my head and feel her pain all night I'd better have the injection. It'll last me about twelve hours, so don't expect me in on the bridge at your usual time."

"What about your morning appointment?"

Deanna yawned loudly. "I canceled it."

"Probably a good idea," he joked.

"That's what I thought." Will hear her yawn again and rummage around her cabin for something.

"I think I'd better get to bed Will, before I collapse and hurt myself."

"All right Deanna," he answered, sleep well."

"I will," she answered with a giddy laugh, "I have no other choice."

Then the connection was broken and Will was left in his quarters alone with his thoughts. He wanted to do something, take some sort of action to remedy the situation- after all the look on Crusher's usually placid face was enough to unnerve even Worf. If Beverly was that upset about a patient's condition, it didn't look good.

When he woke the next morning after a rather restless sleep he fully expected for Beverly to contact him at any moment with an update. Then he chuckled, realizing that she had no way of knowing that he would want to be informed of their charge's condition. He looked at the chronometer thinking of calling Deanna to ask, but saw that her twelve hours were far from up yet and knew he'd be unable to wake her.

I wonder if the Captain knows about this.

Once he arrived on the bridge however he saw that the captain who usually arrived an hour or so after he did was already seated in his chair.

"Good morning sir," he announced and began walking to his seat.

"Number One."

Riker stopped mid stride and waited.

"I'd like to speak with you in my ready room."

"Aye sir," he answered turning on one heel and heading back to the designated room.

"You're aware of the current situation with Ms. Howard." He announced, seated at his desk with a mug of earl gray tea.

Riker nodded and sat as Picard motioned to a chair. "Yes sir, I am."

Picard nodded thoughtfully. "The rest of the senior officers know as well?"

Riker nodded.

"Has Dr Crusher informed you of her current condition?" He asked, eager to see how well the girl'd survived the birth. "It must have been very traumatic for her," he added.

Picard nodded. "It still is," he announced. "Dr Crusher informed me this morning at 0800 hours that Shondra Howard was in labor and under her care and had been for twelve hours." He looked solemnly at Riker. "She didn't give any indication that it might end any time soon."

Riker felt the knot in the pit of his stomach tighten at the words. "She'll inform us if anything changes I presume?"

"Of course. As soon as anything changes." He nodded as if confirming the idea to himself as well.

"Sir?" He prompted.

Picard shook his head absently. "I was thinking about the conversation I had with her."

"With Beverly?"

Picard shook his head. "With that Howard girl."

"You spoke with her ?" He asked surprised at the idea. He knew better than anyone on the ship how strong an aversion the Captain had for children. He didn't like to hear about them, be near them, and especially not speak with them. This was a definite change.

"I did Number One," Picard answered thoughtfully. "And it went surprisingly well." He glanced at him critically and added, "Although with your prior experiences I doubt you had the chance to experience that."

Riker could feel his face turning red at the observation. "No sir," he answered.

"She's very intelligent," Picard continued, "a very sharp wit." He smiled ruefully recalling the manner in which she'd coldly refused to answer certain questions. "And the girl certainly has no qualms about voicing her opinion and ascertaining her rights- to anyone."

Riker smiled. "Now that I'm familiar with."

Picard nodded. "Yes, she told me as much."

Sitting forward in his chair he asked, "Just what did the two of you talk about? If you don't mind my asking," he added hastily.

"No no, not at all," The captain answered. "We spoke of the political situation that her planet was in when she was last there and compared it to the political agendas of the past. We also discussed different cultural aspects she'd encountered while there." He paused for a moment and added, "She was surprisingly knowledgeable about events even before her time."

"Did you mention anything about the upheaval that occurred shortly after she was kidnapped?" He asked, referring to the well known earth conflict known as WWIII.

Shaking his head the Captain replied, "No, that would have upset her greatly. She seemed to take great pride in where she came from- as she should- and in her own open-mindedness renouncing the actions of certain governments as oppressive, even some of her own."

Riker couldn't believe his ears. The Captain and Shondra Howard actually sat down and discussed history? It was unbelievable. He wondered if Shondra knew the Captain didn't like children. But, he thought, she probably had an idea, as she was so quick at picking up other's flaws in character. He frowned remembering how easily and openly she'd pointed out his own.

Riker nodded silently regarding the expression upon the captain's face. He seemed genuinely amazed by the girl's abilities. Then he gave a slight shake of his head as though to clear thoughts of the past and focus on the present.

"Well," he cleared his throat, "we'd best get back." He nodded to the door. "That's all Number One."

Riker nodded stood and silently walked out although he still had many questions he wanted to ask.

So now hours after the morning shift began and hours since he and the captain's conversation, he knew why the bridge crew was so tense- they wanted to know what was going on. He looked questioningly at Picard, who seemed to be thinking the same thing. The captain gave a slight shrug indicating that whatever he chose to do or say to the crew now was fine.

I'd rather be announcing this in the ready room he thought, but he knew now was as good a time as any to address the crew as he knew they were all thinking about Shondra Howard. He saw Wesley at con and remembered the boy didn't know about Shondra's condition.

"Mr. Crusher," he began and immediately Wes turned around in the seat to face him. "I'd like you to go down to Engineering. We're not going anywhere major for a while, and I think Geordi could use some company." He motioned to the turbo lift doors, "Go make yourself useful please."

Wesley looked slightly dubious yet he rose and made his way to the lift as ordered. At that moment the turbo lift doors opened and Wesley almost knocked down Counselor Troi. Wesley nodded at her hastily embarrassed, then entered the lift.

Picard rose from his chair as Troi walked down the ramp.

"Are you all right, counselor?" He asked.

Looking at Troi, it was easy to see signs of disturbance, and her face certainly showed more than a normal degree.

Shocked, Riker realized she looked ill and jumped to his feet. "Deanna! What's wrong?" he exclaimed.

Troi cut a look at Will that said as plainly as words shut up or I'll kill you, continued walking and sat down in her chair. She nodded politely at Picard and answered, "Yes sir, I'm fine, thank you."

Now that's a lie if I ever heard one, Will thought.

Still as Picard sat down Riker was forced to address the crew as he'd originally intended- although he continued to steal glances at Troi.

"All of you are aware of Shondra Howard's current condition, is that correct?"

Heads nodded throughout the bridge.

"And I know you're all anxious to know the girl's status," he continued. "As am I. However," he paused, "we have no current information. We'll simply have to wait until Doctor Crusher informs us further. Until that time, we are to assume that everything is entirely under control and that the girl is doing well. To assume otherwise would be an insult to our Chief Medical Officer's expertise." He saw more grudging signs of acknowledgment. "Is that understood?" He demanded sternly. A series of aye sirs and yes sirs followed. Riker nodded in satisfaction and sat down once again.

He looked again at Troi as he did so, she really looked unwell. He was tempted to demand aloud what was wrong with her- he suspected that it had something to do with Shondra, but the looks Deanna gave him when she caught him staring at her were enough to dissuade him. He wanted to tell her to go back to sickbay and get a sedative, since the girl was still in labor, it would be easier.

Suddenly he saw her wince, closing her eyes concentrating with amazing focus. Now he was certain all the pain that the child was feeling was being broadcast directly into Deanna's mind.

That's it, he thought I don't care if I have to get security to drag her to sickbay, I'm not going to watch her torture herself for the good of the ship or to save face. He began to rise to his feet to issue the order, but somehow Deanna beat him to it.

Gracefully she rose and turned to Picard.

"Sir, I believe my services would be best used if I were to attend Doctor Crusher in Sickbay," she stated softly yet plainly in a tone that conveyed absolute certainty in her own skills.

Picard stared at her as if what she said were common knowledge to him, as if he were merely waiting for her to say the words. "Of course counselor, by all means please do offer assistance. It would be greatly appreciated, I'm certain."

Troi nodded curtly and wasting no time, made her way to the turbo lift.

Will watched her without a word. He was certain that her skills would be invaluable in sickbay right now, but he also knew that no matter how much she wished she could be of use, the intensity of discomfort that Shondra Howard was going through would leave Troi entirely incapacitated. It would be to her own benefit to have another cerebral injection as well as a sedative until the girl's condition was more stable. Until then Crusher could handle the girl on her own. He just found it slightly amusing that Deanna Troi, who abhorred falseness, had lied to the captain's face.


	19. Chapter 19

CHapter 19

"Alyssa?" She called over com, "I'm going to need your help in here!" Her voice was somewhere between professional and crazed.

Beverly closed her eyes, exhausted and on the verge of collapse. Part of her didn't want to admit to needing help, but the other? Desperately needed it hours ago. Still, after denying Selar's assistance at the beginning of it, her pride would not let her go back. She could still do this, her assured herself, she just…. needed some help. In truth, she didn't want to bolster the feeling that Selar had been right, and have her in the room as proof.

The girl had spent the last several hours? Days? It certainly seemed like days, screaming, sobbing, cursing, kicking her feet and pounding her fists hard against the bed in vain attempts to lessen her pain. Or perhaps an equally vain attempt to feel as though she were fighting against the person who did this to her.Beverly initially held the girl tightly during contractions,but she continued to squirm and wreath in agony as the contraction progressed, finally lying limp and motionless on the bed at its conclusion, exhausted. Crusher'd tried to tell her that this type of pain management was only succeeding in draining her energy. The girl ignored it. In fact, Shondra had stopped really talking to Beverly long ago. It was nothing personal, Crusher knew, Howard was simply too traumatized to focus on anything but herself.

When she heard the doors open, the doctor heaved a sigh of relief. She turned away from Shondra and looked across the unit to Alyssa.

"I just need you to… to hold her hand," her voice sounded desperate and weak, "coach her," she continued aimlessly then threw up her hands. Just do something, she pleaded silently.

"No problem!" When her nurse smiled at her with such assurance and confidence, Beverly wanted to cry.

Ogawa walked to stand by Shondra, who was whimpering, her face contorted.

"Hey there! We were starting to get worried about you!"

Alyssa's perkiness was something that Beverly could no longer afford, she didn't have it left in her- part of the reason for calling Alyssa in. Yet she stared at her, jealous, admittedly, of Alyssa's ignorance. Of her luxury of not being there for hours, for being able to put on a good show of bedside manner.

Shondra didn't even seem to notice the nurse's presence, and was in too much pain to be thrown off by the change in atmosphere.

Alyssa put her hand on Shondra's abdomen, which Beverly knew to be completely solid for the past couple of minutes.

"Oh my gosh!" Alyssa exclaimed.

"The contraction hasn't stopped." Beverly's voice was automatic, computer-like and detached. It wasn't intentional. She was just so damn tired.

Immediately, Alyssa started massaging the area.

"Is this okay?"

Beverly shrugged. "She can't push anymore, we tried that, she's too exhausted, she's so tired -," she took a breath and continued, "we've been in here for hours, there's barely any progress, this damn thing refuses to decend any farther, which I'm sure is intentional" her voice cracked and Crusher quickly sucked in a breath to keep from sobbing.

Alyssa, ever vigilent glibly commented, "Remember when Commander Riker came in from his Wild West Holoprogram? He'd double checked the system's safeties, and went all into the program with Geordi and Data, but then he fell off his horse right onto one of those prickie green bushes?" She chuckled. "And they turned the program off, but by that time the needles were so deeply imbedded in his/ posterior that they couldn't dissapear with the rest of the program?" Ogawa was laughing outright then. "And he still walked all the way here!"

Beverly couldn't force a smile. SHe was biting her lip,swallowing hard, trying like hell to focus on anything but the present. Having another person in the room seemed only to push her closer to the edge.

She had closed her eyes when she heard Alyssa sigh. "Whatever you choose to do," she paused, "will be the right choice, Doctor." She spoke with conviction, as well as sympathy.

Shondra's high pitched scream startled the two. Crusher forced her eyes open. Howard's eyes rolled back into her head in pain as she clawed at her abdomen.

"No, no," Alyssa gently pulled the girls hands away.

"Beverly!" Shondra screamed. "Make it stop!" She was hyperventilating and shaking again.

Do not cry in front of the patient, do not cry in front of the patient, do not cry in front of the patient! She ordered herself. Then she took a deep breath in through her nose- and it wasn't enough. Crusher noted that she was shaking visibly. She exhaled through her mouth and gasped in a breath.

"You're doing fine, just another hour maybe and this will be over. Just hold on, you can do this."

Shondra's mouth was inverted, her eyes huge with tears. When her lower lip started quivering, and Shondra tried so valiantly to hold in her fearful sobs, that was it. She looked like such a very very young child. And Beverly was reminded that she was. What this child was being forced to endure, what was being taken away from her, and the reality that this would leave her scarred for life after what was supposed to be the most joyous moment of a woman's life.

Beverly bit back a whimper and was half running to her office before she was able to choke out, "I have to get another instrument," as excuse.

She rushed into into an open room, closed the door, turned on the sound block, then sank to the floor. Crumbled to the floor with both hands on her head. Her throat burned from the pent up urge to cry for hours, and she finally let her emotions release, sobbing unabashedly. Her whole being resisted against the very thought of going back into the birth unit.Physically and emotionally. She let out a breath and lay there wanting to disappear. If she just closed her eyes and opened them this would all be just a bad dream. She exhaled, her tears willed away as she looked up at the ceiling.

"Dr. Crusher?" Alyssa's voice came through her communicator. "Have you, uh-"

Her professionalism snapped back into place instantly. "I'll be right there," she answered. She shoved herself upright. "You can do this," she whispered. She took another deep breath in, expanding her ribcage and stomach, then exhaled slowly and thoroughly. "This will all be over soon." Crusher nodded to herself, wiped her face and strode confidently back. Or, at least she pretended that she was.

She marched up to Shondra and nodded at Alyssa. Crusher noted that the contraction appeared to have stopped, as the girl was finally resting looking somewhat comfortable, or at least not frozen immobile in agony. She smiled at Shondra, whose eyes seemed too dead to notice, then turned her attention back to Alyssa.

"I'm going to have to retrieve the…mimic," she finished feeling about as competent as a first year med student, as well as trying to behave as though she hadn't just broken down in the next room.

Alyssa's eyebrows went up. "And she's not on any"

"No," the doctor cut her off.

Alyssa nodded solemnly then turned all smiles again to Shondra. Beverly looked away, focusing her attention on her current task. One that promised to be unpleasant.

"All right Shondra, I'm going to just reach in and grab this thing. If you feel the need to push, you can, it's alright. But, I strongly suggest you do as I say. If I tell you to do something, do it. If I say not to do something, don't do it. Don't move too much, or I'll put you in a full body restraint. You can yell and scream as much as you want, but if you do anything to imped my progress with this, it might not work. And, if this doesn't work, I'll have to-"

"Let's just try to get through this," Alyssa interupted. Crusher realized she was taking out her anger on the girl.

Alyssa smiled at her. "I'll have to play that back for you at a later date. You know, sometime you're accusing anyone on staff of being"

The glazed look left the girls eyes. They widened in realization. Shondra shook her head hard. "No." She insisted. "No," she repeated.

"Shondra," Beverly kept her voice calm but firm, "we have to do this. Otherwise that thing will just stay in you-"

"You'll be in labor forever and die," Alyssa interjected.

"I don't care. She's not doing that to me. No. Not again. No. I say no."

Crusher nodded, calm for what reason she wasn't sure. She looked Shondra right in the eye and answered, "You've said that."

"I have rights, you can't do something when I refuse. You can refuse medical procedures you know."

"Adults can," Beverly realized that she was calm because she'd do the procedure regardless, yet Shondra was petrified. And remembering the last time a similar procedure was done. And, Crusher sighed, clearly it would very much bring back memories of her past violations at the hands of the Cardassian- of which Troi had yet to get the girl to admit to. And this time, there was no Troi to interceed. And something told her that was exactly what Shondra was wishing for.

"I am an adult! I'm older than you!"

She shook her head. "You know you've been determined to have minor status."

Shondra's chest rose and fell with dramatic speed, her pupils shrinking, her heart rate shooting up.

"No! No!" She screamed

"Shondra," Alyssa lowered her voice to a whisper, as if speaking solely to her."The alternative is much much worse. It's much better to do it this way. Faster and much less painful."

"It isn't about that," Beverly answered. She sighed audibly. "Shondra, I have to do this now. If we wait much longer I'll have to do something else to get this thing out of you-"

"I don't care! You're not doing that to me! Ever!"

"I'm sorry Shondra, but you can't make that decision. As a doctor, I'm choosing to do 'less harm'. I choose this procedure over a fully concious and drug free cesarian section."

Another contraction hit, and Shonra gave a gurgly cry, squeezed Alyssa's hand and pushed. Futiley. After a matter of seconds she fell back into the nurse's arms, exhausted.

"Well, there's no time like the present," Crusher announced, snatching her instruments and positioning herself at the girls feet.

Shondra cried out again and winced, pulling away as Beverly started the procedure. Crusher sighed sharply. "Activate a restraint from the waist down," she ordered. When Alyssa had complied, Crusher continued.

Shondra made a sound as if she were screaming with her mouth closed. Which, she probably was, Beverly reasoned.

Just as she was about to speak, Ogawa did for her. "It's okay, you can scream, it will help you. No one can hear you but us."

The mimic was good sized, but damn uncooperative, and the fatigue of the girl's body wasn't helping matters either. Or, the fact that Shondra's muscles were fighting against further progress.

"Damn it!" She slammed her free hand down on the bed. Shock caused Shondra to pause her physical resistance, but Crusher knew that wouldn't last. She knew Shondra couldn't exactly help it, she was in defense mode, but her defense would only prolong her own agony. Crusher looked as Alyssa.

"Alyssa, massage her abdomen, press just above her pubic symphasis. In a circle, and press hard."

Shondra sobbed at the action.

Shondra screamed again, gasping as Beverly began to bring the device further down the birth canal.

"Good girl!" Alyssa cheered. "Just let it out. Don't try to be brave. We know this hurts."

"Stop!" She whimpered. "Stop," her voice the second time was barely more than a whisper.

"Almost there, Shondra. Just a little bit more and it will all be over," Beverly answered.

"No, no, no!" She begged. "Just leave it. Put it back in! I don't care. I don't. It hurts, just don't- don't!"

"Don't do this to me!"

Crusher bit her lip hard at Shondra's plea, willing detachment.

"I want my mom," she moaned.

Beverly squeezed Shondra's leg in lieu of her hand.

"I need you to take a nice deep breath for me now, I should be able to get this thing right out of you. This may hurt a bit."

Alyssa knew that had to be an understatement. Shondra just rolled her eyes, indicating that she no longer cared.

She took her breath in as ordered, then quickly let it out in a puff. She gave a gurgling cry, her face contorted, her eyes squeezed shut.

Almost there, Shondra," Crusher's voice was calculated calm, soothing.

"No, no, no! Oh my god! Put it back!Now!" She screamed then yelled, "I can't stand it!" Stop, I mean it!" Her screamed command was so high pitched it hurt.

Shondra was moaning and crying through gritted teeth.

"You're a bad doctor!" She cried, her voice sounding painfully child-like in its conviction and directness. "You're a bad doctor!" She sobbed again and added, "You don't make it better," she gasped, "you're supposed to make it better. You're supposed to make it better!" She insisted. "I don't wanna be here!" She cried. "I want my mom!"

A second later she let out a vicious scream, opened her eyes and pulled Ogawa's hand in towards her.

She was panting, gasping for breath, in a way that reminded Ogawa of an active push, but she knew Shondra lacked the strength.

'Stop it!" she screamed.

"Not yet," Beverly answered.

"Give me some fucking drugs, now!Give me something!" She was screaming, hysterical with pain.  
Beverly shook her head and answered in a low voice, "We can't do that Shondra. If I could I would, honey."  
"Give me something!" She begged.

"Shondra, this will be over in just a second," Alyssa answered.  
Shondra's screams just got louder in response.  
"Almost there," Beverly murmered, relieved.

Shondra let out another grunting scream. "Fuck you! I hate you!" Shondra gasped. "You bitch, you fucking bitch!" She panted.

She didn't know the literally translation, but she could get the gist of it, and she was certain it meant nothing good.

"It's not going to work," Beverly answered acerbically. "You can't piss me off enough to make me stop doing this."

The girl screamed in pain again, and fell back against Ogawa exhausted. She panted. Shondra gasped again and shouted without a trace of pain, and instead full of venom "I hate you!"

Beverly saw Alyssa wince. But she was also biting her lip, with a look of sympathy for Beverly, yet also one stifling the urge to laugh. Crusher pursed her lips and glared at Alyssa. She smiled back.

"Well, truth be told," Crusher answered, speaking carefully as she concentrated on the task at hand, literally, "I'm not too fond of you at the present either. I'm just as tired of being in here with you as you are."

The moment the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Damn it, Beverly! For crying out loud, of all the times to lose your composure and open your mouth! Damn it!


	20. Chapter 20

Note: I, the author, is busy. That lets you know that I am tired as well. Pooped. Exhausted. Things are running around in my head, and I have not the energy to tell them to stop. Although the things did give me a bit of 'throw-back' funny, which may be inserted later. It gave me a giggle anyway. But like I said, I is busy. And I is exhausted. Holla at the girl. I'll take thoughts and ideas, but even my writing isn't up to my own standards. I've put 'some things' in for 'certain' people, who know who they are. Night folks.

Chapter 20

Deanna couldn't think of anyone onboard who could be more grateful of Shondra's current status than herself. Well, she noted of course Shondra and perhaps Beverly; but Beverly only had to witness the girl's pain, not physically feel it.

The cerebral injections had helped to numb Deanna's conscious mind and the sedative to numb her physically. But neither could do anything for her unconscious state. As a result, while Deanna was sleeping, her mind replayed vividly everything that happened in Sick Bay that night. SO although she wasn't consciously aware of it, her mind was still receiving the cries of pain and emotional turmoil that came from the girl's labor.

Once the sedative wore off some twelve hours later, Deanna awoke to incredible pain. She felt as though her body were being ripped apart by a red hot iron. Immediately she called Sickbay and was informed by Doctor Selar that her cerebral injection had worn off and that she should report in immediately. Deanna answered that she was in too much pain to move, and the doctor transported her over.

She expected to see Beverly at some point when she arrived in Sickbay, but she did not. Selar absently indicated that Crusher had been in the isolation unit with Shondra since she was called away from the previous night's poker game. Troi frowned. She admired the doctor's dedication, but knew from experience that she often wore herself out in the process, becoming no good to anyone.

Selar quickly administered an injection instructing Deanna to go back to her quarters and rest.

Deanna nodded, already very much relieved that her discomfort was gone.

"How is she?" She asked.

"As well as can be expected counselor," came the doctor's brusque reply.

I should have known, she thought.

"I will not give you another sedative," Selar informed her, "I fear it might interfere with your typical sleep patterns and make it difficult to function later on."

"Has the injection taken away a sufficient amount of your mental discomfort?" She asked calmly.

If that's what you want to call it, she thought. But she nodded slowly. "Yes, it has, thank you," she answered.

Selar nodded curtly and motioned to the door. "Do you feel well enough to walk back to your quarters, counselor?"

Again Deanna nodded and carefully stood up.

"Good. Then I suggest you go there without any further delay."

Somewhat taken aback by the Vulcan's brisk attitude Deanna walked towards the door, looking back once on the chance of catching a glimpse of Beverly, but there was no one. Selar had left to care for other duties and as she'd been informed, Beverly had holed herself away with Shondra. I hope this all ends soon, she thought and walked out of sickbay.

She'd already canceled all her morning appointments the previous night, and she was relieved she did so, as now she was simply exhausted. More than a full night's physical rest maybe, but mental? No. So, she slowly made her way back to her quarters where she hoped to find more time to calm her senses.

After a hot bath, a cup of tea and a very small indulgence of ice cream, Troi decided she'd had enough of relaxation. She was bored, and more than ready for something to do. She glanced at the chronometer; it was already 1400 hours. So, she put on her uniform and headed for the bridge.

On the turbo lift Deanna began to feel slight stabs of pain. It only took her a moment to realize that she wasn't actually in pain; it was once again the pained mental state of Shondra Howard. Troi groaned, isn't it over yet? She wondered. She hated to have Doctor Selar give her another dose of destimulator. Isn't that what her mental blocks were for anyway? Besides, this would simply allow Troi a chance to exercise them, something she hadn't done or had to do in some time. I'm sure it won't be much longer, she thought. I can handle this.

When she stepped off of the turbo lift she almost laughed aloud as Wesley Crusher nearly ran her over entering the lift. Too flustered with embarrassment to apologize, the ensign simply hopped into the lift and waited for the doors to close him in.

Deanna smiled further at the shock her presence elicited from Will Riker. She knew he wasn't expecting to see her at all today, and certainly not until Shondra Howard was out of Sickbay. She offered no explanation however, since there was really nothing to say, and simply made her way to her seat next to the captain's chair.

The captain, for his part other than a courteous if not slightly concerned query as to her health, accepted her presence there with the same certainty that he accepted everything, that everything would always turn out the way it should. And if for some reason it wouldn't, Picard would make it do so. The man had a such a strong belief in himself and the abilities of his crew it was a privilege to sit next to him and be able to bask in some of his mental strength, especially on the rare days when Troi wasn't feeling her best. Unfortunately this was one of those days.

Will Riker however, was another story. He outright demanded what was wrong with her. Troi for one didn't think her discomfort was that obvious. And Will's tone, the familiar almost patronizing tone irritated her. It was if though he were broadcasting to the entire crew that they'd been an item. Naturally most of the ship knew this, but it wasn't something Troi liked to dwell on. SO instead of answering him aloud, she gave him a look that said as plainly as any words, shut up.

Once she was seated, try as she might, all Troi could think about was the incredible pain that Shondra was currently being subjected to, and thus producing the pain that Troi was experiencing. Determined to complete her shift without incident Deanna set her mind to blocking the images and pain that filtered into her brain.

It might have been easier to do if Will had stopped staring at her. Every other second it seemed Deanna saw him staring at her out of the corner of her eye. He looked as though he wanted to speak, but the look she'd given him earlier ensured his silence. Picard however didn't seem to notice.

When Will stood to address the crew Deanna was surprised that he knew they were tense and worried about her. In fact when she'd sensed that initially she was surprised herself. She really didn't think that many people even knew who the girl was, let alone cared about her condition.

Just then, Deanna was overcome with a wave of pain so strong it was as though her mental blocks were gone entirely. It was all she could do to keep from crying out in agony. Instead she closed her eyes, trying to hold onto consciousness and held her breath until the pain passed.

The second it did she rose and asked for permission to leave the bridge. To her shock she found herself lying to the captain; instead of mentioning how drained she was she insisted that she be allowed to go to sickbay to help Doctor Crusher.

The captain allowed it without hesitation and Deanna without another word or a glance backwards flew to the lift to make her way back to sickbay- but it wasn't to help Beverly or Shondra- it was to help herself. I can't stand this anymore, she thought. I'll die if I don't have another injection.

But now that it was all over; finally over, Deanna decided to make her way to Sickbay to check on the two. After all, it wouldn't look good if Captain Picard inquired as to her supposed assistance and Beverly informed him that Deanna hadn't been there. No, she told herself, that would never do.

"Beverly," she called out seeing that Crusher was just now exiting the isolation chamber.

Beverly glanced up at her and Deanna was shocked to see such extreme exhaustion on her face. Her every movement was slow, tired. Deanna rushed to her friend's side, should she fall over. It was likely, she certainly looked as though she could.

Beverly made eye contact as her only sign of acknowledgement as Deanna held firmly to her arm and walked to her office with her.

"I'm okay , really," she insisted. "Did those injections work?"

"They worked just fine, Beverly, but I came here because I was concerned about you."

"Me?" The doctor feigned a look of shock.

"Beverly! You look like death warmed over! You need to get some rest!"

The doctor did a quick once over of Deanna and evenly announced, " You don't look that great yourself, Deanna."

Deanna shook her head. Obviously this line of conversation was going nowhere. She knew Beverly wouldn't leave for her quarters unless Deanna did. I'll simply have to order her to sleep as ship's counselor. And walk her to her quarters myself.

Beverly sat down at her desk, exhausted and flipped on her computer screen.

"So, how's Shondra?"

The doctor frowned deeply.

"She's been worse," she answered curtly.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I doubt it," she shook her head. "That's the trouble, there's nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do." Crusher didn't even make an attempt to disguise her anger. No, Troi noted, her rage. Anger at herself, misplaced, and rage at the being who did this to Shondra in the first place.

Deanna leaned forward in her chair looking Beverly in the eye. "Beverly," she pleaded, "tell me what happened. Whatever it is, it has obviously upset you very much. Talk to me."

Crusher closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "I just wish there was something I could have done for her, medically that is. That there was something to make that thing inside of her go away. To make it stop." She faltered and was as close to tears as Deanna'd ever seen her.

Deanna quickly moved her chair closer and put her hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Tell me Beverly. You can't keep this locked inside."

Beverly shook her head briskly as if ashamed of her momentary weakness. " I can't tell you everything," she began. "But of course," she added, " you know that."

Troi nodded and waited for her to continue.

"I've seen a lot of things in my line of work. Terrible things. Things that have made seasoned veterans sick made otherwise excellent doctor's cringe and turn away. And I made it through all that. The things I saw never once made me doubt myself or my chosen profession. I never once honestly wanted to quit. And whenever things got bad, really bad, I would just assure myself that it was the best I could do with the best medical technology I had on hand." She let out a slow sigh and added, "Not this time. What I saw in there with Shondra, what I had to do," her voice choked up with emotion, " I wanted to quit. I wanted to run out of that room like a child crying. I wanted to run away and just let Selar handle it."

Deanna was shocked. She'd never known Beverly to ever feel so desperate. She pursed her lips in concern but said nothing.  
Then almost without warning the doctor burst into tears. Gut wrenching sobs escaped so that Beverly shook with their force. Immediately Troi put her arms around her friend, who collapsed into her. Troi could feel the woman's frame shaking as she tried to reign in her tears.

"No," Troi answered her. "Just cry. Let it out, Beverly. What you've been through is terrible."

When she felt Crusher's body relax again, Troi looked around the office, grateful that all of the staff had suddenly disappeared. She gave a sigh of relief then strengthened her mental blocks again to keep herself above Beverly's emotional pain. Beverly wasn't ready to really open up about what had happened in that room, it was too raw just yet. Deanna would wait, but not too long. She made a mental note to call her friend in for a 'chat' in no less than a week.

For once she wasn't certain just what to say; she was in shock. After a few moments however, she recovered herself enough to mutter a soft, "I'm sorry Beverly. I really had no idea."

Crusher gave a half hearted smile. "No," she answered, "I don't think anyone does, or ever will for that matter."

"So, how is she?" Deanna asked in an attempt to move on to brighter topics.

"You've already asked that Deanna." She smiled lightly, "Maybe you're the one that needs the rest."

"Perhaps," she conceded, " but is it doing any good to stay here? Is there anything else that you can or need to do for Shondra?"

Crusher shook her head. "No. I stayed with her until she fell asleep afterwards." She laughed ruefully, "That didn't take long. SO,I guess that's it."

Just then Doctor Selar walked past the office, and seeing the two inside she remarked, "It is time for both of you to get some rest. There is nothing else that needs to be done here, Doctor," she addressed Crusher, "that is, nothing that myself and the rest of the medical staff cannot handle." Selar stood there simply waiting for Crusher to acquiesce to her command.

Beverly sighed and stood up. "Come on Deanna, I suppose she's right. We know when we're not wanted."

Deanna smiled and stood up.

"Ready when you are, Doctor," she answered.


	21. Chapter 24

Shondra screamed in pain.

"All right, Shondra, let's try this again." She attempted to smile at the girl, then methodically initiated the breathing sequence she was hoping the girl would pick up on. So far, she wasn't.

Beverly sighed heavily. They both had work to do.

Some children simply wailed when in pain, some rolled from side to side, some hugged themselves and cried. Some kids gasped as a means to release pain. But, not SHondra. Shondra was a kicker. Oh sure, she rolled from side to side, she wailed, but she also kicked her feet hard against the bed as a means to vent her pain. She did not want to be held, or touched. And she definitely didn't want to do any breathing exercises!She wanted to be left alone to fight it out. It was the only thing she could do. Beverly learned she only wanted comfort after, when she'd stopped holding her breath and yelled at Beverly to shut up and let go of her.

Adults didn't kick, or rather if they were kickers by nature, they restrained themselves. And this was certain to prove problematic for Shondra and the birthing devices designed for adults, who did not kick.

Beverly bit her lip, worrying about delivery when her feet would have to be in stirrups or another apparatus. At present, the child's face was red with a combination of exhaustion, fever and general distress. Her eyes were swollen with tears, mucus ran freely from her nose, and her mouth and lungs were well lubricated with water and tea. She'd had Guinan reserve a bottle of her most potent alcohol, but Beverly knew now was not the time for it. Not yet. Despite Shondra's screams, it would get much worse down the line.

She felt sorry that Shondra really had no recourse. She couldn't yell and scream at the person who did this to her. Most women had the luxery of screaming at their husbands. The girl certainly didn't have that. So in addition to her medical duties, Beverly got to be cursed at, and if in close enough proximity, swung at. That was Shondra's other pain management technique. To hell with any that Beverly had tried to introduce. She had a bruise on her cheek from the first time that occurred. When she realized how literally Shondra needed to be able to fight out her pain, she quickly replicated cushioned tables, slightly weighted stuffed objects, all within close range so that Shondra could have the release of making contact, as well as hear a reasonably satisfying thud when the objects hit the floor, or the opposite wall.

Suddenly Shondra gasped, her breath caught in her throat. Beverly glanced over and saw the girl frozen in place, one hand on her lower abdomen, staring down, her eyes wide.

"Breathe Shondra."

"What… is it?" She whispered, her body still tense and unmoving. As if terrified to move.

"What?" She asked.

"I feel…something. What, what is it?"

She realized that Shondra never had cause to actually feel the device that was in her. It didn't move, and wasn't any larger than say, a baby of 16 or 20 weeks of gestation.

Beverly put her hand to the girl's abdomen, although the mimic had moved significantly down by then. She knew Shondra needed the physical contact.

She announced if that alone had informed her, "The mimic is ready to decend into your cervix. You're ready to-" she stopped herself abruptly. She's almost said happily you're ready to deliver your baby. As if this were a happy occasion. And a baby.

"You're ready to deliver the device," she finished. "Do you want to try pushing?"

The minute she asked, as if it were a question she was sorry. The girl pinched her lips shut, looked at Beverly out of the corner of her eye and shook her head adamantly in answer.

Beverly sighed and smiled. "Let's just try it, and see what happens." Just fake it Beverly, keep faking. She made her smile brighten imagining a stage audience. "You might be able to get this thing out of you really quickly and then you can eat and go to bed!"

Shondra's look was so below enthused at the offer Beverly had to cough to keep from laughing at the expression.

With the same expression on her face, she announced in a sullen tone, "I'm not stupid. I know that's going to hurt."

Beverly sighed. This was going to be difficult. If the urge to push didn't kick in, as for some it didn't, Shondra would have no motivation for going through the new agony that was delivery. No baby to make it worth it equaled zero motivation.

She sighed again, less audibly this time.

Without another word, she guided Shondra into a sitting position and adjusted the bed from a bed to a birthing chair. And she was eternally grateful for the piece of technology. There was no way short of transport that she'd have been able to move the girl to the stationary birth chair.

"It's not going to hurt," she lied. It could be true. Plus, if the one push managed to get this device positioned well, Shondra would finally feel the urge to push.

"Okay, Shondra, all you have to do is take a deep breath in, hold it and push down hard."

"Push!" She ordered.

Shondra, again, was not enthused. She keened loudly at the pain and effort of pushing and argued about the process of birth and the construction of the female body. Crusher had to admit her arguments were pretty convincing, even for a twelve year old.

She blinked, and saw Alyssa sitting next to Shondra. When did she get here? Beverly wondered. She didn't remember calling her.

Suddenly the girl let out a sound that was a mix between a grunt and a yell. She squeezed Alyssa's hand and tried to sit up.

"Push if you can, honey," Beverly murmured, shaking herself. Time, and people, must be playing tricks on her.

The girl's effort lasted no longer than the blink of an eye, before she fell back into Alyssa's arms drained.

"That was a good push," she commented. The comment was sincere, something that was not always the case, she had to admit, even with mothers birthing actual babies.

Shondra shook her head miserably, her lower lip sticking out and face was red and drenched in a mixture of sweat and tears.

"You did your best," Alyssa whispered.

She shook her head again. "I tried," she gasped. "Tried…. I couldn't. Not good enough."

Beverly spoke up then without a trace of fatigue, her voice full of conviction, knowing that she was not speaking of her most current effort, but the combined.

"Shondra, you've worked harder to deliver this… thing," she let her disgust show, "than any woman I've seen. You couldn't deliver this alone. No one could. No woman, no matter how many babies she's delivered, could do this. No one."

"You're doing fine, just another hour maybe and this will be over. Just hold on, you can do this."

Shondra's mouth was inverted, her eyes huge with tears. When her lower lip started quivering, and Shondra tried so valiantly to hold in her fearful sobs, that was it. She looked like such a very very young child. And Beverly was reminded that she was. What this child was being forced to endure, what was being taken away from her, and the reality that this would leave her scarred for life after what was supposed to be the most joyous moment of a woman's life.

Beverly bit back a whimper and was half running to her office before she was able to choke out, "I have to get another instrument," as excuse.

But even in the other room, the screaming never stopped. Crusher covered her ears crying, but realized the screams weren't Shondra's.

The screams echoing against her cabin walls were what finally woke Beverly from her nightmare.

She drew her knees up to her chest, turned her face into her pillow and sobbed like a baby. Being haunted by dreams was one thing, being haunted by the truth was another thing entirely.


	22. Chapter 26

"So, I hear things with Shondra didn't go so well."

Troi's head snapped up, startled. She had been so engrossed in her own thoughts and feelings of guilt and self anger that she neither heard nor felt Will's approach. "What?"

"I heard things with Shondra didn't go so well."

She could feel her cheeks turning red with shame and guilt. Nonetheless she answered quickly, "That is privileged information."

He raised his hands in the air. "I only heard from Nurse Ogawa that things didn't go so well. That's all she mentioned."

"I'm surprised you care," she answered.

Rikers eyebrows raised and she realized how careless her words had been.

She sighed. I'm sorry, Will. I didn't mean that." She fell silent a moment then amended. "Well, yes, I did." She sighed again heavily adding, "It just seems like no one seems to care about her."

"You have to admit, she hasn't exactly tried to make herself likeable."

Troi made a sound of exasperation. "Surely Will, even you must realize that her actions are calculated. She wants to keep people away from her."

He shrugged. "Then it's her own fault that no one really-"

Troi held up a hand. "But Will, it is such a façade. She is so much the opposite of what she projects. What she projects is the solidity of a mountain, uncaring, unemotional, cannot be hurt. When in reality there is nothing she wants more than to feel and be loved and protected again. Will that's really what she's had stolen from her, her identity, her sense of security. She can't trust anyone."

"She needs to try. I don't care what's happened to her she needs to start acting more-"

He stopped then and stared at her.

"Deanna, you look like you feel guilty about something."

"I was just about to say that she pushes people away for a reason- it's a test, albeit a bit backward. A type of accepting a person at their worst entitles you to see their best."

Riker shrugged. So why are you feeling guilty?"

"I'm as guilty as you are, more so even. Much more so. Because even knowing this, knowing Shondra's true feelings and her reasons behind them, even I stay away from her. The only person who is willing to come close to her even when she's being a nightmare is-"

"Beverly."

She nodded.

"Her emotions are just so..draining." There weren't words enough to describe adequately what they really were, but draining was good enough for the moment.

"When does she get to go back to her quarters?"

"She's barely well enough, healed enough yet, to be out of bed." She didn't add that her own session with the girl had ended in an even longer recovery time for the girl.

"So, when?"

Troi was so irritated with herself she nearly snapped, "Why do you care?" Instead she only shrugged, and responded with, "I'm not sure. Probably a week. Beverly wants to make sure there is no lasting damage from the device."

Out of the corner of her eye Troi saw Geordi and Data enter Ten-Forward. They smiled at her, as Riker turned and waved. He explained, "Geordi and I have a game of chess to finish. "

Just then a waiter brought Troi her drink and a dish of chocolates. She picked up a small piece of chocolate and dropped it into her drink. Watching it fizzle and dissolve, she allowed herself to release all of the tension she'd been holding onto for the past two days. Slowly, she ate the chocolates and sipped on her drink. Focusing only on herself, she zoned out enjoying the peaceful silence in her brain. Eventually she was so relaxed she could have fallen asleep, not even noticing when Geordi and Data left Ten-Forward.

A short time later, Troi was admittedly drifting off, jerking herself awake randomly. These fits of exhausted sleep at first explained what she thought had been a brief nightmare, a vision of terror. Pulse racing her body and mind suddenly jolted awake, realizing what she was sensing was very, very real.

"_Imzadi!"_ Deanna cried out desperately to Will, in the strongest, fastest way she knew how.

The moment she cried out with her senses was when he appeared in the room. Out of nowhere the figure from Shondra Howard's mind suddenly materialized.

He turned sharply from his chair, his eyes seeking Deanna's. But instead when his eyes fell upon what surely must have been the reason for her scream, He reached for his phaser, only belatedly realizing that he was off duty and was not armed. For the briefest of moments he wished he was more like Worf. Distrusting enough to be armed anywhere, anytime. Riker slapped the nearest comm badge. "Full security to Ten-Forward, NOW!"

"Now, really Commander Riker. There's no need." The intruder shook his head and spoke in a tone of such patronizing sweetness Will wanted to spit on him. "I only came to collect what's mine." The Cardassian's eyes swept over Ten-Forward, as if searching for something.

"I want the girl," he hissed.


	23. Chapter 23

+Tried to condense two chapters into one. +

Wesley Crusher was crouched inside Ten Forward. He wouldn't say he was hiding, but he certainly didn't want to make his presence known. After all, someone had to make reports to the bridge crew without being spotted. And discretion was key, as there was no telling what an angry Cardassian might do. So far, he had learned two definite facts, the Cardassian's name was Gul Toroc, and that Deanna Troi was either passed out or doing a very good job of playing dead. If things get really bad, he considered, I can do that too. She'd passed out at shortly after Geordi and Data left to report back to the bridge for their shift.

Somehow the Cardassian had borded the ship, and established a forcefield that kept anyone from leaving or entering Ten-Forward. There must be a way to deactivate it, he reasoned. If only I could find the right- well, actually, if I could just get to a computer without being seen... fine. If I could just work up the guts to come out of hiding. But maybe being in hiding could prove useful. He nodded. PRobably the best course of action.

"Where is she?" He demanded.

Suddenly a lieutenant sprang forward phaser in hand and fired at the unsuspecting intruder. To the crowd's dismay the red beam simply bounced off the Cardassian's body and ricocheted directly back to the lieutenant. He ducked just in time and the fire instead wore a hole into the lounge wall.

The Cardassian laughed again, then pulled out his own phaser, firing first at Guinan, then at the lieutenant and then at any other crew member and civilian he could find, with the exception of Will Riker.

Wesley gulped and ducked further underneath the bar, trying his best not to breathe.

"Captain," Worf's voice growled with rage, "this Cardassian has just fired phaser rounds into everyone in the Ten Forward lounge, including officers and Guinan. Commander Riker is the only one still on his feet."

"What?" Picard's voice cracked with disbelief and rage.

"Yes sir," he growled, " and he appears to have some sort of forcefield around himself as well. A random shot simply deflected off of him."

. "Mister LaForge, I'd like you to gather a team and end this ridiculous forcefield problem we're having."

"Aye sir!' Came Geordi's enthusiastic response.

Riker saw the Cardassian wander over to Troi's prone form, eying her appreciatively. His first thought was that it was sexual, which disgusted and outraged him, but then thought he might be considering her to be his next victim as Shondra had been.

"Just what is it that you want?" He demanded, speaking loudly, hoping to distract him from Deanna.

"Simple, I want what is mine."

"And that would be?"

"My captive. I want her back."

" Well Gul Toroc," he let his voice play with the title to fully indicate his belief in it's status, "if you wanted her back I'd suggest you not have deposited her to our ship!"

"It was only a temporary stay," Toroc continued calmly. "And as I'm sure she's caused more than enough trouble aboard your ship, I'd think you'd be pleased to hand her back over to me."

"And if we don't?" His voice cracked with contempt.

"Then," he reached easily around the bar and yanked a wide eyed Wesley Crusher out of it, "This boy will die." He abruptly pulled Wesley into his force field and closed the link, encasing him within.

Still outside, Worf growled angrily and notified Picard, "He's taken Ensign Crusher as a hostage."

Picard shook his head in despair. Why is that boy always where he isn't wanted? He seems to cause more trouble than anyone onboard this ship just with his own presence. " It would appear Lieutenant," he answered, "that he's taken the whole of Ten Forward hostage."

"Yes, sir," Worf answered.

"But it is," he sneered, an even exchange. One prisoner for another."

"Meaning?"

"The girl for this boy."

Riker sincerely hoped he was buying the engineering crew the time they needed. He'd continue to stall until he received word, or saw the security team barrel through the lounge doors.

"What if we don't wish to trade?"

The Gul let a sinister smile cross slowly across his face. Without a word he pressed a tab on his uniform. A rather high pitched hiss sounded making Riker wince. In the next instant however, he hear a cry from Wesley Crusher unlike anything he'd heard in his life. Then he smelt burning flesh.

"Stop!" He ordered.

"Have you agreed to my conditions?" He asked over the ensign's cries.

"Yes," Riker answered hastily, "we'll have her brought down immediately. Just leave the boy alone."

Another slow smile spread across the Guls' face and Riker fully realized why Troi had been so often incapacitated by Shondra'' memories of this man. He was beyond evil.

"Good," Toroc answered and dropped Wesley to the floor." You have one minute to produce my captive or the boy will die."

Riker sighed heavily knowing full well how difficult it would be to make Doctor Crusher release her patient.

"Doctor Crusher!" He barked.

'Will!" Her voice was exasperated. "What the hell is going on?"

"I've got no time Doctor, I need to have Shondra Howard transported to Ten Forward immediately."

"No! Will have you lost your mind? She's in no condition-"

"And I have no time to argue!" Riker interrupted. "Do as I say or your son will die!"

A choked sound came over the comm badge and then silence. Riker waited in anguish to see what the doctor would do. Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long. A few seconds later the familiar shimmer of a transporter beam shone on the floor and Shondra appeared lying on her side with a very pained expression upon her face. She looks terrible, he thought.

"Aah! We meet again at long last!" Toroc cried out.

Riker watched the girl's eyes widen in sheer terror and she tried to jerk her head up but even that motion was too painful and she lay still moaning on the floor. My god, she's entirely helpless, he realized. She's at his mercy. Then he realized that Toroc knew this full well, and had planned his visit accordingly. Bastard.

Riker realized now that it was entirely possible for Toroc to make away with both Wesley and Shondra, both severely injured, they were easy targets. Quickly he moved towards Shondra, who didn't even seem to recognize that Will was there. She probably can't see that far from the position she's in, he thought.

He only got a few steps before a blazing pain in his arm knocked him to the ground. Fortunately it knocked him closer to Shondra. Her eyes locked to his immediately and a look of hope washed over her pained face.

"Don't try to play hero Commander," he laughed. "I said I want her back and I'll get her back."

"And just what do you plan on doing with her once you get her?"

Tears were rolling down Shondra's cheeks, but she made no sound, and didn't move a muscle.

He laughed loudly, sickeningly. " The same thing I did with her before."

Toroc walked over to Shondra.

"Hello my dear, I bet you've missed me, haven't you?"

For a moment Shondra looked as though she'd throw up. But then her eyes rolled back into her head, as she passed out.

"You're a sick man, Toroc," he muttered.

"Maybe, but I've got the upper hand, haven't I?"

Fortunately Geordi and his team had at least enabled visual contact using the ships security cameras within the confines of Ten Forward, although sensor scans were still unable to penetrate the force field. But they were all working at a break neck pace. There was no telling when Toroc would leave, and Picard highly doubted it would be with Shondra alone.

"We need to get them out of there Mr. LaForge," Picard announced.

"Yes Captain, came the reply, "I'm working on it."

"How much longer before you can disable the forcefield?"

"Well, more time than we've got sir."

"That is not acceptable!" Picard barked. We need results, and we need them now!"

"Aye sir. La Forge out."

Toroc walked towards Shondra smiling.

"Leave her alone Toroc," Riker hissed warningly.

"Oh, and that's supposed to stop me? I don't think you understand, she belongs to me."

Riker stood to his feet. "She doesn't belong to anyone."

"Anyone but me," he crooned kneeling next to her. He looked at her lovingly, smiling as he gently stroked her hair. Riker had to fight to keep his lunch down.

Although Riker could no longer see Howard's face, he could see the rest of her body tense. He was certain she was terrified beyond words. In fact, Riker was surprised she'd regained consciousness at all.

"You're not even going to look at me?" Toroc asked his voice dripping with false hurt. Then the Cardassian laughed and stood up. "I'm sure you'd spit on me if you could," he continued. "But alas, you've been reduced to a cowering pathetic thing." He sneered cruelly and added, "And you couldn't defend yourself if your life depended on it."

"No thanks to you Toroc." Riker's voice was dripping with rage.

"Yes," he sighed, "I suppose this would be my fault wouldn't it?" He glanced at Riker. "Well I suppose I should be grateful that you've all taken such good care of her. Although," he paused, "I must say I do regret arriving too late and missing the big event. I was rather looking forward to it. Unfortunately things being what they are, it was impossible for me to return until now." He looked back down at Shondra and spoke congenially, " I apologize for not being there for you, young lady. I'd rather looked forward to watching you handle the labor and the birth."

Riker felt a wave of nausea come over him. The man's cruelty was incomprehensible. Deanna was right, he thought, this is entirely different than what Captain Picard was exposed to. If he hadn't caught Wesley's confused look out of the corner of his eye at just that moment, Riker would have surely exploded in rage- benefiting no one. He knows now, Riker thought wryly.

"Captain," Geordi La Forge's voice came over the comm, " We've been able to desensitize the forcefield enough to maintain audio communication." As he spoke the crew could already hear Gul Toroc's voice speaking to Shondra Howard.

"Well that's something Mr. LaForge. If you can just wear it away a bit more, we might be able to deactivate it entirely."

"Aye, sir."

"Geordi," Doctor Crusher's voice called out. "Is there any way that sensors can penetrate the forcefield? I need to get the life sign readings of the people in there." Readying to move to Ten Forward, Crusher'd easily been able to tap into the bridge's information, knowing everything that was being relayed. "At this point, we have no idea if they're dead or alive." As soon as Shondra had been beamed to Ten-Forward, security had enabled visual contact with the lounge from Crusher's own office. Any conversations from the bridge were also being piped in, as Beverly refused to leave to go to the bridge. In fact, she was ready to rush to Ten-Forward the moment the forcefield was deactivated.

"I'm working on that too Doc. Of course we all want to know how Wesley's doing."

Toroc hoisted Wesley to his feet as well and with an irritated air addressed whoever might be listening.

"I'm getting tired of this little game. And as I believe I have what I came for and then some, I'll be leaving you now. Thank you all very much."

Riker moved quickly towards the forcefield. " I wouldn't do that Toroc!"

"Oh, not you again," he moaned. "What is it now?"

"Toroc, do you honestly think we're going to let you get away with those two?"

"Two?" He chuckled. "I meant all of you!"

"This has gone on long enough," Picard muttered. "Worf," he ordered, "lock phasers onto the forcefield and fire. The field should be worn enough for you to break through it."

"Aye sir," he answered and promptly the blare of phaser blasts could be heard.

"Crusher! Get down there!" Picard barked. "Your services will be needed shortly."

"Already on my way," she replied.

Worf and the security teamed barreled into Ten Forward blasting down the second field around Toroc. Riker jumped to his feet to join in.

Just as he did however, Toroc produced a rather large hypospray and held it up to Shondra's midsection.

""Stay where you are!"

"It's poison," Worf growled.

Toroc shoved Wesley forward free from harm, but still held Shondra tightly. Riker noticed that the girl's face was gray with pain and fear.

"Orders, sir!" Worf demanded, obviously eager to blast the Cardassian into pieces.

"Hold you fire!" He answered sternly.

"Move one step closer, and you'll be sorry. Or," he corrected himself, " should I say she'll be sorry. And it's not poison," he added, " although I'm sure she wishes it was."

At their hesitation, Toroc released the hypo anyway.

"You are without honor!" Worf roared firing immediately into the forcefield and at Toroc.

Shondra began to scream and immediately fell to the ground.

The forcefield began to break and just as Toroc was beginning to punch in a transporter sequence the fire hit him squarely in the chest. Toroc fell into the failing force field and promptly disintegrated.

Amid the chaos Beverly Crusher and her team rushed in to tend to the wounded. She ordered all the bodies lying on the floor from the Cardassian's phaser blasts to be transported up to Sick Bay, then she rushed past her son and knelt on the floor next to Shondra who was now lying limp and silent. She didn't need to read the girl's bio signs with her tricorder, and didn't bother. Crusher was busy gathering the girl into her arms when Selar's voice came over Crusher's comm badge.

"Doctor Crusher, the crew members and civilians that were in Ten Forward have merely been stunned. A very high stun setting must have been used. Luckily it has had no ill effects upon anyone. All have been revived and ordered back to their quarters to rest."

"Very good, Selar, thank you." Crusher replied, very much relieved.

"In that case, I'm beaming up with Shondra Howard Will Riker and my son."


	24. Chapter twentyfour

I may have gone a little crazy with the italics. Sorry. Tried to shorten this chapter. I feel like all of them are 20 pages long.

"I called her a bitch!"

She'd started the session with a simple question, "How are you feeling today, Shondra?" and had received that blunt assertation in response.

"It's all right." She didn't need to ask who the girl was refering to, or behave as if she didn't know exactly what or when Shondra was referring to.

"No, it's not. I swore at her!"

Without realizing it, Troi lifted both hands in an arresting way, as a means of calming the girl. Beverly had said she needed to stay in bed, and rest as much as possible. Emotional upset, Troi thought, was not a good idea at this point. It had been two days since Shondra had delivered the device and one since her Cardassian captor borded the ship. Either ordeal alone was enough to keep the girl in bed for weeks, in Troi's opinion.

"I'm sure it happens all the time." She intentionally kept her voice calm, in the hopes that it would calm Shondra. "She's delivered a lot of babies."

Shondra snorted. "Are you kidding me! Dr. Crusher? I don't think anyone swears at her. Ever." She stared at Troi, her eyes huge as though to emphasize her point.

"I'll bet she doesn't even remember." She smiled kindly at Shondra. "And if she does, she certainly wouldn't hold it against you."

_Well, you asked, _Deanna told herself. It was how she'd started this session. The thought of the senior officers, Beverly included, was that with this remenet of the girl's torture over, and her captor dead, it was a good time for her to begin focusing on the future- which included dealing with her past. At present, it had been two days since her ordeal, the girl was just begining to feel well enough to sit up slightly, but would speak to no one. She refused Beverly, would allow no one but Dr. Selar to now attend to her, and would see no one.

Selar speaking to the girl in a freezing cold tone was the only way Troi had gained admittance.

_I wouldn't be seeing her if it wasn't my job. Though she, and many had been concerned, how many people had gone to see the girl once it was all over? Who had tried to be in there with her from the start? No one. Troi shuddered, feeling cold suddenly. She has no one, she reminded herself. No friends here, no family here, no one her age, no one that can relate to what she has been through- no family. No one. If I had gone through something so horrific, Mother would be here. At least on subspace. And Will. Yes, Will would be there. THe people who loved her would want to support and comfort her in her time of need. But no, this girl, Shondra Howard was alone. So alone. Family, all dead, friends dead too. And what Deanna knew that no one else did, was that this girl had had a lot of friends back on Earth. The girl that they harbored now was not at all the same child who had once roamed ancient Earth. That girl was dead now. The girl who'd had a hard life but had still been happy and trusting? All gone now._

_She did what she had to do to survive, that included adapting her behavior, and closing off her emotions accordingly. Everything that she was now, that she said and did now, was only a reversal of the girl. The flipped mirror image, but not the truth._

And that was why Deanna was ashamed. Because she knew the truth. And yet still, knowing that truth, Deanna didn't often seek this poor soul out voluntarily. Why? Because it was too painful for her. _Coward, she chastised herself, you are a selfish coward. You have everything and this child has nothing, yet because it __might make you just a slight bit uncomfortable, you'd like not to see her. You should be ashamed of yourself, Deanna Troi. Ashamed!_

"Oh, I'll bet she does!" She contradicted, pulling Troi back into their current topic. "If anyone is allowed or supposed to forget things at that time, it's me. I'm supposed to have been in too much pain to remember anything." Her tone lowered and she muttered, "Yeah, I wish. I still have nightmares about it."

Deanna stared at her in shock, feeling profoundly sad. _She needs to talk to Beverly about this, she can't- she won't open up to me about it. Not about what she really needs to talk about. _Shondra Howard would not move from where she was, which was traumatized to the utmost, until she was able to speak frankly about what she had just been through.

"You're really being much too hard on yourself about this," she whispered.

Deanna was saying, "I really think it would be beneficial if-"

But Shondra cut her off.

"I called her a bitch!" She insisted, again. Her voice had turned shrill, continuing their previous argument. Just like Beverly's, she thought, when she felt she was not being believed or taken seriously. And like that a little warning flag went off in the counselor's brain.

"I told her I wanted to fucking kill her!" She continued. " And that I hated her and that she was mean."

Deanna opened her mouth to speak, but Shondra began again.

"And I said that if I wanted to cause her as much pain as I was in I'd be arrested because torture is illegal. I'd have to start peeling off her fingernails or her skin-slowly. Instead of just squeezing her hand. And she'd just be expected to take it-all of it, like it was completely normal.

Troi felt ill at the girl's honesty. But more than that she felt Shondra's intense feelings of bitterness and pain and especially the feeling that her emotions and experiences were not taken seriously. As if her pain was not real.

Deanna knew she was going to have to do something about this, and soon. The girls' emotions were like a timed bomb just waiting to explode under the surface at any moment. And knowing Shondra, the bomb was likely to come in the form of a physical attack.

"Now do you believe me?" Shondra's sharp accusatory question cut through Deanna's thoughts.

Troi closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a breath through parted lips. Then she opened her eyes and looked at Shondra, feeling suddenly exhausted, sad, and helpless.

Shondra Howard would be furious with Beverly for a long time. But it wasn't true anger. It was hurt. Betrayal. That the only person she seemed to care about, yet wouldn't admit that she loved, the only family that she had, had hurt her. Had caused her physical pain, and who could not work miracles to take it all away.

And it was then she realized again, that Beverly was hurting over this as well.

Troi only managed a faint smile this time, feeling so suddenly drained of all energy, and answered quietly, "I'll talk to her."


End file.
